A Vent Where I Whine A Little, And By A Little I Mean A Lot

I am cranky.

I say things in an ugly and sharp tone.

I snap at those I love.

I roll my eyes so much I give myself a headache.

I hate feeling like this.

I have so much to feel joyful about... yet I feel so cranky inside.

Can I vent?

Really? You don't mind?

Thanks.

I'm tired. I'm hungry all the time. My chest feels like it's on fire. I have periods of breathlessness that to hear me, you'd think I just ran up a flight of stairs. My nose bleeds every time I blow it. I get a lot of headaches. I have high blood pressure. I feel like a hippopotamus-cow-pig. My roots are showing. I hate winter and there is a huge storm coming that is going to dump 30cm of snow on us.

On a normal day it doesn't take much to make me cry. I cry at commercials, I cry when I'm tired, I cry right along with other people that are crying. I think I am single handedly keeping Kleenex in business. I cry because I feel so ungrateful. Then I cry because I just feel so darn blessed.

Right now I'm tucked into bed. It's 8:24pm and I'm hoping an earlier than usual night will help me to be more level tomorrow.

Ok - enough venting. GAH! Who wants to hear all that??

Ian has been working with Jordan and she knows almost the entire alphabet and her numbers up to 12. Not only does she recite them, she can recognize them written on their own.

I've told you many, many times before....she's brilliant. I think we can agree on who she takes after, can't we?

That's right, her father.

Tomorrow Sam and Julie get their report cards. I can't wait to see them because they're pretty brilliant you know. They also take after their father.

And Wednesday I have my big ultrasound to make sure everything looks good with Baby. I've requested that they note the gender and I look forward to sharing that with you.

Ok, I'm done. Time to take this crankasaurus to bed!

Book Review: Deeper Into The Word, Reflections On 100 Words From The New Testament

A Fresh Look at the Words Within the Word

Words matter. God cares about them and so should we. Going a little deeper into the Bible's words can make an old passage new again, enriching your understanding of God's message to his children. Why was this word chosen rather than that one? What does it imply in its original language that you can't see in English? And without knowing Greek, how can you learn to explore the details of God's Word for yourself?

Keri Wyatt Kent provides a fresh encounter with the most important words of the New Testament. Deeper Into the Word can be used as a daily devotional or as an easy-to-use reference tool. Either way, you'll find yourself excited by the wonders of God's amazing Word.

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To be honest, I never really wondered about the purpose of any particular word chosen in the bible. It was there and that was enough for me.

But when I was offered the opportunity to review this book I jumped at the chance and couldn't wait for it to arrive.

Keri Wyatt Kent shares the meanings and context of 100 words in such an easy to read way, with each chapter reading like a devotional.

Not only does it have a handy table of contents listing each word being studied, it also has an appendix of useful websites if you want to study the words and themes even deeper, a Greek index and a large notes section, citing her sources for even more knowledge.

This book is a fantastic resource for anyone who is curious about looking deeper into God's word. I will definitely be keeping this book with my bible so I can use it as a reference tool.

"Book has been provided courtesy of Baker Publishing Group and Graf-Martin Communications, Inc. Available at your favourite bookseller from Bethany House, a division of Baker Publishing Group".

Book Review: Fatal Judgement

U.S. Marshal Jake Taylor has seen plenty of action during his years in law enforcement. But he'd rather go back to Iraq than face his next assignment: protection detail for federal judge Liz Michaels. His feelings toward the cold hearted workaholic haven't warmed in the five years since she drove her husband--and Jake's best friend--to despair . . . and possible suicide.

As the danger mounts and Jake gets to know Liz better, he's forced to revise his opinion of her. And when it becomes clear that an unknown enemy may want her dead, the stakes are raised. Because now both her life--and his heart--are in danger.

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It's not often that I come across a book that I can lose myself in. I have a certain group of authors that I know will suck me right in to the story and Irene Hannon is definitely one of them.

I liked this book because it wasn't what I expected. I expected the character of Jake Taylor to be this macho jerk protecting Liz, a delicate, helpless woman. I was so wrong. Jake is hard working and tender, passionate about his work and those he protects. Liz is strong and intelligent, and carries such grief and guilt in her heart.

I was pleasantly surprised by well developed characters that were relatable and a natural and easy storyline.

I went into the book figuring that the two main characters were going to fall for each other, yet it was done in such a lovely way that it seemed so realistic. There was nothing sleazy or inappropriate about their growing relationship and I found that so refreshing.

I carted this book around with me to read at every opportunity: on my lunch break, waiting for my ride home at the end of the day, before bedtime. I liked it so much I felt a little let down when it was over. I found myself thinking about the characters long after I finished the book.

Do you ever get so caught up in a story like that? I don't often, but I did this time.

Suspense, drama, mystery and romance all wrapped up in one read. A great book to curl up with and lose yourself in on a wintry day!

"Book has been provided courtesy of Baker Publishing Group and Graf-Martin Communications, Inc. Available at your favourite bookseller from Revell, a division of Baker Publishing Group".

Update

Hello!

I am having the best time with my Random Acts of Kindness birthday wish! It's taking me a lot longer than I ever imagined it would, and I just have to be ok with that. There's a lot going on and I only have so much time and energy to do stuff. When it comes to this I really, really don't want to rush it. So please bear with me and know that I'm not slacking off!

I will do one big blog post once I'm all done, and I'll be including all of yours at the same time. I have spent a few evenings in tears reading about what everyone has been doing.

Thank you so much for being a part of this.

Isn't kindness beautifully contagious??

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I'm tired of winter and being cold and all this snow. I am rapidly approaching my I'm So Fed Up With Winter Melt Down Day. Do you have a day like that? It usually hits me in February when I'm convinced that winter will go on forever and ever.

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My pregnancy seems to be going well so far. I feel movement just about every day now and that's so reassuring. I have an ultrasound booked for Feb 2nd, and I think I'm going to take the children out of school so they can come and see the baby too. We're going to try to find out the gender, so if I find out I'll let you know.

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Being 40 doesn't suck like I thought it would. I actually feel rather relaxed and comfortable these days. I've been thinking a lot about things in the last couple of weeks, like how I view myself, what relationships are important to me, what brings stress to my life rather than joy... things like that. And I've decided I'm going to make some changes.

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My love affair with macaroni and cheese continues to burn brightly. I actually cooked some this morning before work so I could take some with me for lunch. I was one happy gal let me tell you.

I also love egg salad but I can't make it to save my life. My mom makes AWESOME egg salad but I hate to ask her to make it for me. But if she wanted to I wouldn't say no.

Ahem, Mom. Ahem.

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Tonight is the finale of The Next Great Baker and we're all psyched to watch it together. It's really inspired Sam to try his hand at cake decorating and we've been enjoying his chocolate cakes immensely of late.

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And that's a wrap for today :-)

My Birthday Wish

Tomorrow is my 40th birthday.

40 is the new 30 you know.

At least that's what they say.

I long ago decided that I didn't want a party or gifts to celebrate this milestone.

Instead, I decided that I wanted to celebrate by doing 40 random acts of kindness for others in my community.

What's that? A great idea, you say?

I agree. But I can't take credit for it. This beauty of an idea came from the amazing Robyn at MixMingleGlow. She did 38 random acts of kindness to celebrate her 38th birthday last year and I fell in love with the idea.

The Lord has blessed me with a beautiful life and has given me so much more than I deserve.

I need to give back.

The thoughts of a huge party just seems so selfish to me in light of all that I have. I want to do something.

It will take me about a week to carry out all my plans and my beautiful family and I will be doing them together. I'll blog about it once I've completed all 40.

I have a birthday wish that I would truly love for you to be a part of.

Tomorrow, will you share in my birthday and do a random act of kindness for someone in your community? It doesn't have to be anything huge or expensive, just something kind for someone else.

Then.... will you tell me about it?

I'd love to add your acts of kindness to my blog post to share with everyone.

I believe that one act of kindness leaves beautiful ripples, and more people are blessed than just the original person. It pays itself forward.

I can't wait to see that happen. God's blessings flowing forward.

It will be beautiful.

National Delurker Day

Betcha you didn't know that today is Delurker Day, did ya? Well it is!

So, if you've come to visit me today, I would love for you to leave a comment telling me about yourself and how you've found my blog. Tell me something about you.

I'd love to come by your blog and say hello.

Thanks for playing :-)

Drive By Update

Lately I've been struggling with feelings of fear and anxiety, but I'm trying so hard to fight against it by praying about it and asking dear friends to pray alongside me.

I already feel so stretched with three children, I don't know how I'll handle four. I don't feel like I meet everyone's needs as it is, and soon we'll have another person to care for. To provide for. And I'll be 40 when this little one gets here.

Ian continues to work hard to find employment but hasn't hit anything yet. Thankfully his employment insurance was finally approved this week. I'm praying for the perfect Ian Job to present itself soon but in the meantime he's rockin' the stay at home dad gig.

I've been having some weird dreams lately. I get up about every two hours to go to the washroom and then my dream picks up right where I left off. Last night I was dreaming about seal clubbing. Awful, right? I know! When I came back to bed I told Ian about my dream and that I hoped it didn't continue. It did...sort of. Instead of dreaming about seal clubbing... I dreamed the seals were clubbing....you know, in a club.

Sam and Ian are away on retreat this weekend with the jr high youth group. They're heading a couple of hours north to do all sorts of outdoorsy stuff in the freezing cold. Not sure what I'm going to do with the girls but we always have a special time together.

Last night I had a prenatal appointment and it went well. I weigh 13 lbs less than when the specialist weighed me a couple of months ago. I heard the baby's heart beating and kicking at the doppler thingy. I'm measuring right on target. The only downside of the appointment was that my blood pressure is up a bit more and he's doubled my medication. I'm trying to stay as calm as I can about things, and Ian is taking wonderful care of me and ensuring that I'm resting as often as possible.

Sam has different names for the baby at this point. If it's just moving then he calls it Squirming Steve. If it's kicking, then it's Kicking Kevin.

My temp assignment continues to go well. I met with the VP of Finance today and after the meeting he told me I was doing "a fantastic job, just terrific". It made me feel really good about what I'm doing there.

Last night I went to my mom's for dinner. She made my favourite casserole and it was so nice to spend time with her, catching up. I miss seeing her.

I love maccaroni and cheese, and I could eat it every single day. EVERY SINGLE DAY.

And that concludes my update.

Bold Blogging

Have you heard of this style of blogging?

Bold.

What does that even mean?

I thought it meant blogging an opinion without fear of what readers would think. To use one's own blog as a platform for causes one supports or opinions one held.

Apparently I was wrong.

Bold blogging is about sharing anything and everything.

Recently I came across a few blogs that discussed details of their husband's sexual addictions.

Umm...what??

Did you know that potential employers are turning to Google and Facebook to gather info about possible employees? Imagine the information they'd uncover about these people, considering they are kind enough to use their real names - first and last - as they destroy their spouse's reputation.

Once something hits the internet it's there forever.

I've seen blogs where women complain bitterly about their children.

I don't understand this trend. I don't understand how one can basically bash their spouse or children for the entire world to read, and how that can be ok.

Do Ian and I have arguments? Of course we do! But I respect him enough not to slam him on my blog. And he respects me enough not to slam me on his. I don't ever speak poorly about him to friends either. What happens between us stays between us. Just as a marriage should be.

Do my kids bug me at times? Sure they do! And I bet I bug them too. But do I need to talk about them poorly on my blog? Or go on endlessly about how I need a break from them? Nope.

I don't understand this and it disturbs me on so many levels.

Our spouses and our children are God's most precious gifts to us. Shouldn't they be treated better than that?

How about blogging with integrity and authenticity? Wouldn't that make for a better blog?

Where do you stand on this issue? Am I just overreacting or is this trend ok by you? I'd be interested to hear your thoughts.