Thursday, May 26, 2011

Traumatized

Today I was traumatized.

I decided to go to McDonald's for lunch. Not the healthiest, I know. But when a pregnant woman wants a Big Mac, just move aside.

I picked up my lunch then came back to the street my office is on. There is a hotel at the end of the street so I parked there. It was a gorgeous day and I opened my window while I listened to the radio and ate.

I was listening to Katy Perry's "ET" while eating, and was dancing a bit in my seat, waving my fry around.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw a bird.

A black bird.

I hate birds.

Before I knew what was happening, the bird flew into my car and was going for my fries!

I started screaming and trying to shoo the bird away but he started freaking out.

His grody wings were flapping all over the place, his mouth pecking towards my fries.

I felt his wing touch my mouth.

MY OPEN MOUTH!

I was screaming, he was squawking and it was pure chaos.

I started trying to hit him with my McDonald's bag, all the while yelling "Get out! Shoo! SHOO! You're so gross! Why me!? AHHHH! Get out! GET OUT!"

Finally he flew out and away.

My heart was pounding and my throat was killing me from all the screaming.

I even had tears in my eyes.

I quickly closed the window and was sweating inside the car. The air conditioning doesn't work but I didn't care.

I was safe from future bird attacks.

I hate birds so much.

But he didn't get my lunch.

Oh heck no.

Mama takes care of what's hers.

The end.

Photobucket

13 comments:

  1. Oh my word!!! Glad you're ok AND you got your lunch.....food isn't safe when a pregnant lady's around...even from birds!! Hope you're feeling well!!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. HAHA! That made me laugh out loud. I'm sorry you were traumatized and that a grody bird touched you but that is kind of funny. I would totally protect my Big Mac and fries, too. :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. how much did i laugh?? well let's just say the whole time i am typing this have the biggest grin on my face.. OH MY GOODNESS.. too funny, better you then me KATE because i HATE BIRDS TOO...

    ReplyDelete
  4. Bah! That is HORRIBLE! I can't even find it in me to laugh--I'm just completely freaked out for you! AUGH! Are you still washing your mouth??? Stay safe, my friend. Eat inside and always seek shelter from those beastly winged creatures!!!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Bwahahahahahahahaha!!! Oh my word, I tota...bwahahahahahaha!!!!! I'm, literally, rolling on the floor, peeing in my pants, laughing my ass off. No acronyms here.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Oh.My.Goodness. I totally would have died right then and there. I am NOT a bird person. At all. They freak me out.

    Remind me to tell you about the mouse in the tub with me once...too much story for a blog comment...

    ReplyDelete
  7. Pissing. My. Pants. Can I say "Pissing" on your blog? I have to. OMG. I would have paid a king's ransom to see that. Not cause I'm judgin' though - but because I'd love to see someone doing EXACTLY WHAT I WOULD DO if something - bird, bear, great white shark - came after my McD's. Oh HELL no.

    This is reason #4,629 that I love you, Kate.

    ReplyDelete
  8. oh my goodness, I would have died!! That is just awful! I am so sorry you had to go through that! We once had a bird fly into our windshield on the road and that alone traumatized me!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Okay I'm sorry but..... bahahahahahahahaha!

    That was a hilarious story and you told it so well. I'll bet your heart was about to pound out of your chest. Even if you like birds that would have freaked anyone out.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Kate, you poor thing! I am so sorry for being entertained at your expense, but I'm sure you knew this story would produce a good laugh. I read it out loud to my husband and we were both laughing. I am impressed that you stood your ground! I would have likely chucked the food out the window, hoping to lure the feathered beast away! ;) Great story!

    ReplyDelete
  11. OMGosh! I'm laughing so hard. That would absolutely traumatize me too. Glad you escaped with your fries (& your life!)

    ReplyDelete
  12. I would have freaked out too and I don't even hate birds. That was just a little too close for comfort! Glad you're ok and he didn't get your lunch :)

    ReplyDelete
  13. Pissing. My. Pants. Can I say "Pissing" on your blog? I have to. OMG. I would have paid a king's ransom to see that. Not cause I'm judgin' though - but because I'd love to see someone doing EXACTLY WHAT I WOULD DO if something - bird, bear, great white shark - came after my McD's. Oh HELL no.

    This is reason #4,629 that I love you, Kate.

    ReplyDelete