The final scene was a group of four women: one was delivering her baby and the other three were there for moral support.
I lay awake thinking about the movie and the sad feelings started.
First of all, I miss having close girlfriends. I had a couple that I was extremely close with for awhile but we had a major falling out due to a specific circumstance back in the spring, and I don't get together with them anymore. I have thought and prayed a lot about our situation, but feel in my heart its best to just let go and keep moving forward. I don't trust people easily and this whole situation just made that worse.
But...I'm lonely.
Second, I will never be pregnant again. And I miss it so much. We have no plans to add to our family. At three children we are done, and our hands and hearts are full. Not that I think I could do it again even if we wanted to. My body is changing and my cycle is crazy. My periods are all over the place and last anywhere from 3-5 weeks (sorry, TMI) and my doctor thinks I am no longer ovulating and that things are starting to shut down. He said it's due to my 'advanced maternal age'.
Not that it matters, right? We aren't planning on any more children.
But you know what? It makes my heart ache. Sometimes it hurts so much it completely steals my breath. I love this stage of my life, having a baby/toddler in the house. I'm not ready to leave this part behind. I know that there are many, many more beautiful moments to come, but I'm just not ready to let go.
Sigh.
Right about now, Ian will be all 'what the heck is going on here'. Don't stress, my love. I'm just venting. I am so thankful that we have Jordan to round out our clan. She is our final child I was waiting for.
Ah well, it is what it is, right?
Think I'll go to bed. Tomorrow is a new day.
that does happen sometimes. hope you don't feel blue in the morning :)
ReplyDeleteRJ's day to day activities
Journal of RJ's mom
You know I can't for the life of me think of anything wise or witty to say to you right now.
ReplyDeleteSo, I will just give you a virtual noogy and a hug.
My heart and prayers are with you, my friend.
Oh, Kate, I understand how you are feeling about not having more kids. Even though I have a son that is 23, he isn't really interested in us and has no interest in his little sister. I didn't want Emma to be an only child...and I have LOVED having her, even so "late in life." My body did not cooperate after having her and I'm approaching 50 now so now more kids for me either. It is sad to have this part of my life over. I feel like I wasn't ready to be done..but my body has said "NO MORE" and like you, I'm not ready to let go.
ReplyDelete{{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}
Ahhhh.... I wish I was closer so I could hug you. I don't make friends too easily either so I can understand how you feel. I somehow give off the wrong impression of myself and I don't know why. Oh well. I do have friends and that's all that matters. I pray that tomorrow when you wake up the blues will have fled and God's presence will greet you!
ReplyDeleteBIG HUGE SQUISHY HUGS!
ReplyDeleteI can't do anything to help you with the baby part, but you know I'm only a phone call or a text away. I'd love to see you more and will always have a pot of tea ready.
I think, as women, even though we feel "done" having kids, we at least like knowing we still have that option. When that option is over (either by menopause or hysterectomy), we mourn the loss of choice.
ReplyDeleteBig hugs.
(Kate)
ReplyDelete((Kate))
ReplyDeleteToday will be a better day..I promise! ;-)
Perk Up Papa!
ReplyDelete{{{Hugs}}} This time of year can be hard. I hope you have a better day today:)
ReplyDeleteI know how you feel. Just because you are done does not mean you still can't mourn the WHAT IF'S..
ReplyDeleteI can't have anymore do to my illness and the fact I have NO uterus. But i still get weepy thinking WHAT IF... I know the Lords plan for me is perfect and if I am meant to have more through adoption then it will happen.
Love ya honey.
BIG SQUEEZY HUGS
I love me some Kate (kate)!! I am not one to have a ton of girlfriends either. I have one and then I have bloggy buddies :) Praying for you... perk up sunshine!!
ReplyDeleteI know how you feel. Just because you are done does not mean you still can't mourn the WHAT IF'S..
ReplyDeleteI can't have anymore do to my illness and the fact I have NO uterus. But i still get weepy thinking WHAT IF... I know the Lords plan for me is perfect and if I am meant to have more through adoption then it will happen.
Love ya honey.
BIG SQUEEZY HUGS
((Kate))
ReplyDeleteToday will be a better day..I promise! ;-)