Disappointment Sucks

A couple of weeks ago I commented on my facebook page that I was looking for a job in my field (collections) and if anyone knew of any companies that were hiring to please let me know.

A couple of days later an old friend contacted me and told me about a possible opening at his company for a collector. And the best part? It was a work-from-home position. That would be perfect for me because Ian takes the car to work every day.

I went in to meet with the President and Controller on Tuesday morning, and it seemed to go really well. I gave the interview my all, and they seemed very receptive to everything I said or suggested. The conversation was easy and comfortable. We talked about how quickly they could count on seeing results, and we talked about salary requirements. I was told they'd like to call my references and get back to me on Thursday.

The initial feedback from my friend was that they wanted to work something out with me and have me start as early as Friday. I was so excited to be able to work from home, still be there for my children, care for the house, help my mom and bring in an income.

I really thought God had heard my prayers and exceeded them. I was so thankful.

The next day - Wednesday - I heard from the Controller and was told that they loved meeting me, but they had decided to hire someone to work in-house. I thanked them for taking the time to meet with me and that it was a pleasure meeting them.

When I hung up I started to cry.

God didn't hear my prayers after all.

As hard as I tried to not get ahead of myself or too excited, I realized how much I had been counting on this opportunity working out.

When Ian came home last night he sent me up to our room to have some quiet time. I pulled out my crayons and colouring books and let myself feel the full weight of the disappointment. I cried and coloured and plotted my next plan of action.

I'm not worried about finding work. Collectors are in demand these days so I'm sure I'll find something. I will call my contacts this afternoon once Jordan goes down for her nap.

I know I've been a stay-at-home mom for a few years now, and that's more that I had with either of my first two children, and more than most moms get. I don't mean to sound so ungrateful. It's just hard for me to let go of something I really, truly love. I want that to matter to God too.

I'm sure you're tired of me complaining about this, but be warned...I'm probably not done yet.