Isaiah 42:3
I am as thankful for this verse today as I was back in November when a dear friend shared it with me.
We were sitting together at Second Cup and all of my thoughts and fears about this surprise pregnancy and Ian's recent layoff were spilling out without really censoring myself, all the while knowing that she wasn't judging my heart. She understood it and I felt her love.
She told me that in the book of Isaiah it says that God will not break a bruised reed. I'd never heard that verse before, but it has brought me so much comfort.
I'm scared. I'm 40 years old and I'm pregnant. I wasn't in the best shape to begin with, but now I find myself so tired and so restricted. I have high blood pressure and I take medication to control it. So far, so good. I don't know how I will handle four children. I don't think I do that great of a job with the three I have now.
My husband continues to search for employment and has sent out hundreds of resumes. He has yet to hear back from anyone and that is so hard. His contacts are MIA and that frustrates me.
Yet, he doesn't give up. He continues to be positive while he searches, choosing to be joyful as he cares for the children and our home, lovingly takes care of me.
I pray constantly that God will provide a job for Ian. I pray that He will keep my husband strong and in good spirits. I pray that I stay clear of despair.
But I feel it close by.
I'm tired of people asking me how we're doing. I'm tired of smiling and saying everything is fine. I'm tired of feeling scared.
I know God has a plan for us. I do believe that. Bruised as we may be, I know that He won't break us.
I'm just tired and scared. And tired of being scared.
Tonight is one of the very, very few times I've allowed myself to let go and to just cry as I pray. Normally I just squish it down with prayer and positive thinking. I just can't tonight.
I'm sorry for being so low tonight. I just don't feel as though I can talk to anyone about this, and I needed a place to let it out.
Tomorrow is a new day.
Oh Kate...I can only imagine how much stress you're under. It's OK to let out your fears...actually it's way better to let them out, than to keep them in.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for sharing that verse. I'd never heard it either, and it helps me too. I don't know if you remember our situation, but it's not ideal either...and sometimes it gets heavy for me.
Hang in there, honey.
Just like Cindy said, it's better to let out all those emotions than to keep them in. Besides, He already knows you are hurting and scared, don't squish down those emotions when you come to His throne let them out. You are God's child and you can say anything to him, just like your own kids can come to you and tell you their fears, their anger, their anxiety and shed their tears, so you too can do that with God. You'll find a lot of times when you do that things will take on a different light because He's right there, walking with you, CARRYING YOU whenever you need Him too.
ReplyDeleteTrust, trust, trust and don't give up that hope. We have friends who the husband did not have a job for two years. Two years! And some how, some way an odd job would come, a refund, unexpected money would be there, at always the perfect time.
Again, you are His and there's verse in the Bible that says His children will never be left begging for bread. You are loved and cared for and have been given this gift of your family with a new treasure to add to your treasure chest soon.
But, don't feel like you have to be happy all the time, this is your blog and your feelings are always important, it's better to be real than to be happy-go-lucky, everything is hunky-dorey all the time.
And now that I've rattled and prattled on I think I'll end there and start praying for you! Love ya!
Oh Kate.....loads of hugs and prayers coming your way. It's totally understandable for you to feel this way, and you're so right that prayer is a powerful way to help you through this uncertainty! Just remember that God would never levy a burden on any of us if He didn't know we were strong enough to carry it. You may not know it right now, but somewhere down the road God will reveal His plan for you and then it will make sense....until then, just have faith and know that we're all here for you, no matter what!
ReplyDeleteHUGS my friend. What you are feeling is normal under "normal" circumstances. Remember feeling that way when you first conceived Sam? I know I did when we found out we were having Frankie. I remember being terrified when I was pregnant with Nicholas...how willl we EVER take care of TWO children? Then, the shock of finding out we were pregnant with Julian...that was a scary one...right where you are in age and being out of shape, a smoker, a drinker...bad, bad health habits. But he was perfect...and although it's a very busy life, I can't imagine life without any of them now. Keep on truckin' babe...it will all work out in the end...many of the things we worry about, we look back and laugh at. Has Ian tried my company? There are many positions available right now at both the Markham and Mississauga offices and I would love to give him a reference! Let me know if you want the information.
ReplyDeleteLove you babe. xoxo
Thinking about you sweet lady! xo
ReplyDeleteI taught a Ladies Bible Study last night on worrying--I needed it too! We talked about how important it is to cling to God during trials and really trust Him. He is able, trustworthy, faithful, in control, mighty to save, and has a huge heart for us. It's easier for me with my worries when I look at my trials as a way to say "All for Your glory, God!" I want to make God look good when things are at their worst for me. I want others to see that I truly trust Him and in return, He is the great provider--the giver of peace that passes all understanding.
ReplyDeleteHere are some more verses I've been clinging to:
Psalm 33:18, 20-22 18 But the Lord watches over those who fear him, those who rely on his unfailing love. 20 We put our hope in the Lord. He is our help and our shield. 21 In him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in his holy name. 22 Let your unfailing love surround us, Lord, for our hope is in you alone.
Isaiah 26:3-4 3 You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you! 4 Trust in the Lord always, for the Lord God is the eternal Rock.
Psalm 23:4 4 Even when I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me. Your rod and your staff protect and comfort me.
Jeremiah 17:7 7 “But blessed are those who trust in the Lord and have made the Lord their hope and confidence.
Psalm 115:1 1 Not to us, O Lord, not to us, but to your name goes all the glory for your unfailing love and faithfulness.
Zephaniah 3:17 17 For the Lord your God is living among you. He is a mighty savior. He will take delight in you with gladness. With his love, he will calm all your fears. He will rejoice over you with joyful songs.”
On my own, I will succumb to worry and fear, but with God, I can overcome!
God is with you. And we are praying for you.
ReplyDeleteI promise to pray for you every day until that baby comes and Ian is employed.
Did you ever wonder how Mary felt during her pregnancy?
ReplyDeleteI bet she was feeling pretty scared and tired too....
Can you imagine the thoughts going through her head and her heart?
Do you think she ever wondered exactly what God had in store for her life? Joseph's? Their baby's?
How overwhelming the situation must have seemed at the time.
Do as Mary did. Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He WILL direct your path.
Rest easy and know that the Lord is God!
Love and Hugs, lots of prayers and positive thoughts headed your way!
Wow Karin. That is one AMAZING comment. Just. WOW. Awesome.
ReplyDeleteI'm wishing I could hug you. That you and I could talk and share a box of Kleenex.
ReplyDeleteI love Karin's comment. LOVE. What an amazing way to look at it. I know it's hard to trust sometimes (believe me, I KNOW!!) but do what I'm trying...put it all in His hands.
I'm wishing I could hug you. That you and I could talk and share a box of Kleenex.
ReplyDeleteI love Karin's comment. LOVE. What an amazing way to look at it. I know it's hard to trust sometimes (believe me, I KNOW!!) but do what I'm trying...put it all in His hands.