I'm Having A Baby...

Today's one of those days it's hit me.

I'm having another baby.

Clearly I know I'm having another one, but with all that's going on to occupy my mind, I'm still somewhat in denial.

I go about my day, working and doing what I can, then come home and go to bed. I'm used to being kicked constantly, I'm used to being exhausted, I'm used to being scared of what's to come.

I'm used to people ignoring that I'm expecting, used to people telling me I'm crazy for having a fourth child, used to people asking if this was an accident.

By the way, a baby is never an accident.

But today? Today was fun, and I have my mom to thank for that.

Mom picked me up this afternoon and we went baby clothes shopping. We started at The Children's Place - which I LOVE - and oohed and ahhhed over tiny little baby things. She bought him a few things there, then we headed over to Walmart, where she bought him even more things.

My mom is amazing. She's always so supportive of whatever I do, whether she agrees with me or not.

I clearly remember the afternoon I received the phone call with the very unexpected news that I was pregnant. I was shocked. And freaked out. And told the nurse she'd mixed up my lab results with someone else and she'd better get things straightened out ASAP because this was not funny.

As soon as I hung up the phone, Ian called. I told him what the nurse had said and he was accepting of it right away. Not angry, not freaked out. Just accepting that this was part of God's plan for our family.

It took me a couple of months to accept it myself. I wasn't supposed to be able to get pregnant anymore.

Surprise!

Then I called my mom. She answered the phone and had barely said hello when I started crying, telling her I was pregnant. She paused for a second and said, "Well, it's not the best time, but just think... another little person to love!"

And that's my mom. Calls it like it is, but always lovingly supportive.

We weren't expecting this little one, but God had him planned for us anyway. He will have purpose in this life, and already has his place in our hearts. We didn't think that less than a week after finding out I was pregnant that Ian would be laid off. But he was.

Isn't life a trip?

I can't wait to see his little face. Sam looks so much like Ian, and I bet Matthew will too :-)

Our hands will be full, no doubt about that. But our hearts will be too.

27 days until my due date. Ian and Mom are my coaches, just as they have been for Sam, Julie and Jordan. I can't imagine it any other way.

When Jordan was born I had a lot of visitors. As ungrateful as it sounds, I hope this hospital visit will be a little quieter. I appreciate everyone's excitement, but when you're in the hospital you aren't looking or feeling your best, and it's hard to entertain visitors (well meaning as they are!) when you're exhausted, you know?

I'd like to be able to have him, rest as much as possible while in the hospital, take him home and get him settled somewhat, and after a few days start having people over to meet him. That sounds fair, right?

OK, enough rambling for one day!

Traumatized

Today I was traumatized.

I decided to go to McDonald's for lunch. Not the healthiest, I know. But when a pregnant woman wants a Big Mac, just move aside.

I picked up my lunch then came back to the street my office is on. There is a hotel at the end of the street so I parked there. It was a gorgeous day and I opened my window while I listened to the radio and ate.

I was listening to Katy Perry's "ET" while eating, and was dancing a bit in my seat, waving my fry around.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw a bird.

A black bird.

I hate birds.

Before I knew what was happening, the bird flew into my car and was going for my fries!

I started screaming and trying to shoo the bird away but he started freaking out.

His grody wings were flapping all over the place, his mouth pecking towards my fries.

I felt his wing touch my mouth.

MY OPEN MOUTH!

I was screaming, he was squawking and it was pure chaos.

I started trying to hit him with my McDonald's bag, all the while yelling "Get out! Shoo! SHOO! You're so gross! Why me!? AHHHH! Get out! GET OUT!"

Finally he flew out and away.

My heart was pounding and my throat was killing me from all the screaming.

I even had tears in my eyes.

I quickly closed the window and was sweating inside the car. The air conditioning doesn't work but I didn't care.

I was safe from future bird attacks.

I hate birds so much.

But he didn't get my lunch.

Oh heck no.

Mama takes care of what's hers.

The end.

Long Weekend

This past weekend was the Victoria Day long weekend and we filled it right up. Saturday Ian had a garage sale and was able to sell some of our excess stuff. I was pre-fired again this year which was fine by me. I can't stand the whole garage sale shopper's mentality. If something is marked for $2 and they offer $1 it KILLS me. One year I told someone I would rather smash the object on my driveway than sell it to them at the price they were offering. I don't care that Ian fires me.

Sam set up his table to sell his Pokemon cards, and Julie had an iced tea stand. Jordan and I visited with my mom and sister inside and enjoyed the air conditioning.

Sunday I skipped church again. I know... shameful. I've been so uncomfortable lately and the chairs are hard, the sermons can run long, it's hot and then there's the touchy feely peeps afterwards. And let's not forget all the questions... "Are you still around?" "How much longer?" "How are you feeling?"

We went to Ian's parent's for dinner in the late afternoon and the children played themselves right out outside. I sat and watched which is just about all the energy I had to spare.

I seem to be getting more and more tired as this pregnancy continues. I find myself wanting to be close to Ian and/or home as much as possible. This time last year, mom and I had made several trips to the beach where she rented the cottage. We haven't gone at all this year. Just the drive to my inlaws' house on Sunday exhausted me.

Monday was a quiet day. I napped and read, and later on met up with Ian and the girls at the park. The park has this little whale thing that rocks back and forth, and Ian got into it and was rocking so hard and making these faces, and I just about died laughing. I love that guy. He'll do anything to make us laugh.

Today I was very excited to return to work, for the sole reason that I am in love with the ice maker in the office fridge. Chewing on crushed ice really helps my always present reflux and it won't make me gain weight.

Friday I have my 7th ultrasound and then on Monday I have an appointment with an anaesthesiologist to discuss the risks of an epidural and what to prepare for in the event of an emergency c-section. Then I see my doctor in the evening for my regular prenatal appointment. Glory. All these appointments.

I'm getting so excited to meet this baby! We've chosen his names, and he'll have three like his brother and sisters. We chose names of two men we truly respect and have impacted our family in wonderful ways.

That's all the time I have to chat tonight. It's the Dancing With The Stars finale and I don't want to miss a minute of it.

Perspective

You know, every time I start to feel frustrated with our circumstances or start feeling sorry for myself, I am reminded of those all around me who are enduring so much worse.

This afternoon, a woman I used to work with many years ago, buried her 8 year old son. He passed away from cancer on Friday.

I can't even wrap my head around the enormity of her loss.

So we're struggling with employment and financial issues.

So what?

Our children are healthy.

Our marriage is the strongest it's ever been.

We have a place to live with food in our fridge.

Our home is filled with love.

I have my mother, and Ian has both of his parents.

We're waiting for some (hopefully positive!) news on the job front for Ian in the next couple of days. We hate this feeling of being in limbo, but hopefully it will all pay off. It's a tense time.

All in all, blessings abound.

Yet Another Prenatal Update

Today was my two week prenatal appointment.

I'm getting tired of going to the doctor so much. I know it's necessary, but I'm beginning to feel like a regular fixture.

After my next appointment I'll be going every single week.

Yikes.

Anyway, I was horrified to learn I've gained 4 1/2 lbs. But that's total, so I'll have to deal with it.

My blood pressure is on the higher end of normal (for me) but Dr L isn't concerned. Baby's heart rate is in the high 150's and the results of my last ultrasound were excellent.

It was a really good appointment today, and he was very chatty. He answered my questions and we talked about my delivery. He said that at one of my next few appointments we'll talk about him doing a "stretch and sweep" to see if he can put me into labour.

Ew!

I'd rather have my cushy induced labour with a side of epidural, thank you very much.

I will need another ultrasound, so I'll book that in the next few days. And due to new policy, I'll need to meet with an anaesthesiologist to discuss the risks of taking an epidural (It will be my fourth! Pretty sure I know!) and to go over some information in the event of an emergency c-section.

He's already said he won't let me go past my due date, and has hinted that I may even have the baby beforehand. Hey, I'm all on board for that, as long as it's safe for Baby.

And frankly, I'm d-o-n-e with pregnancy. I love my children dearly, and I love that my body can do this, but I am getting my butt kicked this time around.

So that's it. Baby is healthy, Mama is healthy. Less than six weeks until showtime.

I can't wait.

Book Review: Max On Life

We have questions. Real, important, and challenging questions. Questions about sex, finances, and forgiveness. Unsettling questions regarding illness, suicide and eternity. Don't we crave answers to these queries that tug on the deepest parts of our hearts?

Do angels really walk among us?

How should I discipline my kids?

Any advice for my struggling marriage?

Why do I worry so much?

How do I know what God's will for me really is?

~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~

If you're anything like me, you have a lot of questions about things, but don't always know where to go in the Bible for answers to find out what God has to say about you question.

This book is fantastic. Broken down into seven chapters entitled Hope, Hurt, Help, Him/Her, Home, Haves/Have-Nots and Hereafter, Max covers just about every question you could ask, complete with applicable Bible verses.

I enjoy his writing style very much, and he didn't disappoint with this book. He answers each question with love and grace, and uses applicable instances from the Bible to help explain each question. It's full of Max's insight and wisdom.

172 questions and answers. Amazing. This book even has a topical index on each subject so you can quickly find the page for your question, as well as a Scriptual index if you wanted to look up a particular verse.

This book will have a permanent place on my bookshelf. I know I'll be referring to it over and over again, and will encourage my children to look through it as well.

If you have questions about your life's circumstances and you want to make Godly choices, I strongly recommend you pick up this book.

~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~

Book has been provided courtesy of Thomas Nelson and Graf-Martin Communications, Inc. Available at your favourite bookseller from Thomas Nelson.

Book Review: Live Loved ~ Experience God's Presence In Everyday Life

God is crazy about you.

His thoughts of you outnumber the grains of sand. His dreams for you outstretch the days of this life. The Maker of the stars would rather die for you than live without you.

Could you use a daily reminder of His love?

These devotions by bestselling author Max Lucado will calm your soul and nourish you heart. You can live the way God intended.

You can Live Loved.

~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~

This devotional is beautiful.

Broken down into five sections entitled Loved With A Steadfast Love, Loved With A Perfect Love, Loved With A Wise Love, Loved With A Merciful Love and Loved To Love Others, this devotional is absolutely beautiful.

Each daily devotion begins with a Bible verse, followed by an applicable story from the Bible, and closes with a prayer. There are even a couple of extra verses after that.

Several of the prayers are so applicable to me and what we are going through, that I want to copy them and carry them with me, praying them regularly.

This book is beautifully bound and perfect to give as a gift to someone who might need some encouragement daily.

If you're looking for a well written and diverse devotional, then I strongly recommend this one.

~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~

Book has been provided courtesy of Thomas Nelson and Graf-Martin Communications, Inc. Available at your favourite bookseller from Thomas Nelson.

I Fell In Love Today

Today was my 6th ultrasound for this pregnancy.

That's a lot.

I've seen every part of this baby but his profile.

But today?

Today I got to see all of him.

His little mouth yawning. His tiny nose and lips. Little fingers pulling on tiny toes.

I'm not one of those people who feel this deep connection with my babies while in the womb. I love them, that goes without saying, but that deep love comes when I see them face to face.

But today, I fell in love. He is real.

He's ours.

Oh my heart.

My technician today was from the high risk clinic, so I got a very thorough ultrasound done. She said he looked absolutely fabulous.

And the best, best, BEST part? He is head down! All along he's been sideways and I've been worrying that he wouldn't flip and I'd have to have a c-section, but she confirmed he is head down.

I am relieved and peaceful and excited.

And so in love.

I can't wait until he's in my arms!

5QF - May 6

I'm so glad it's Friday! I'm running out of energy these days and the weeks are feeling longer.

Sam and Julie had their Spring production at school last night: The Wizard Of Oz. They were both munchkins. Julie loved performing. Sam? Not so much. Actually, more like not at all. Basically he showed up to get his mark for drama. He did not want to be there.

There has been some positive and encouraging movement in Ian's job search. He had a really good interview this morning, however they have a few others to interview as well and hope to have a decision by the 20th.

THE 20TH!!

So much hurry up and wait with this. It's frustrating. We are getting so close to the birth of our baby and I am absolutely scared to death. I know God has us, and He has a plan for us, and I'm choosing to trust in that.

But man am I scared.

Ugh. Enough of that, Kate!

Are you ready for some Five Question Friday fun? Me too!



Let's go!

1. Have you ever had roommates?

Well, when I was in high school, a friend of mine got kicked out of her house and my mom said she could stay with us. She stayed for five days and I hated every minute of it. She had weird habits and no tact and I couldn't wait for her to leave.

Oh yeah, I said it.

My sister stayed with us for about a week once, and the children loved that. They missed her for a long time after she left.

Other than that, no. I lived at home until I got married, which is a good thing because I can't think of a single person I'd want to share an apartment with. It took me a long time to learn to share space and stuff with Ian and he was my husband!

2. How many names do you/your children have? (i.e. Prince Charming William Phillip Arthur Louis John Jacob Jingleheimer-Schmidt)

Ian and I both have two names, and each of the children have three. I don't know why we did it that way, we just did. Sam is Samuel James Emery, Julie is Julie Roma Nicole, Jordan is Jordan Theresa Faith and we just finalized Matthew's two middle names. Good thing we're done having children... we've run out of names!

3. Did you watch the Royal Wedding?

You betcha. I made Ian and the children clear off enough space on the PVR so I could tape all 6 hours of it, then when I got home I fast forwarded through to the parts I was interested in seeing. I thought the wedding was very sweet and classy.

4. What is the messiest room in your house?

I would say we have a messiest spot. On our main level we have a blue recliner that seems to be the dumping ground for everything: mail, magazines, laundry, back packs... Sometimes I want to take the chair right out of the room!

5. What is your ideal mothers day?

You know, every day is Mother's Day in my house these days. Ian and the children have been spoiling me rotten since the day I found out I was pregnant. Ian does all of the housework, laundry, grocery shopping and cooking. The children get things for me that I need or drop. Ian gets up with the kids every Saturday and Sunday morning and I take naps in the afternoons. What more could I possibly need?

And that's it!

Head on over to Mama M's blog My Little Life and join in on the fun!

Baby, Bloodwork And Voting

This morning I had another prenatal appointment. For some reason I thought 8:30 am would be a great idea and I was so wrong. We were rushing around to get out the door on time, and I was still about 7 minutes late for my appointment. I apologized to the receptionist but I didn't say anything to my doctor. Why? Because he's always about 10 minutes late to see me and never apologizes.

Oh yeah, I was petty.

So, here's the update.

I was really, really nervous to be weighed today considering I've been having regular late nights hanging out with these guys...



I love them like I love air. And my children.

Anyway...

Remember how I've only gained 3 lbs so far? Well, I've lost them. So now I sit at a zero weight gain. Being "fluffy" has it's perks. My doctor is not concerned at all, so I'm not either.

My blood pressure was high this morning but again, he wasn't too concerned. He sent me for more bloodwork and I have another bio-physical profile on the 9th. This will be ultrasound #6. I read somewhere that a lot of ultrasounds aren't that safe so I hope it's ok that I'm having yet another one.

Everything seems to be going well though and I go back in two weeks.

I stopped off to get my bloodwork done on my way home from work and I got The Stabber again. She is one rough technician. I kept leaning forward and psst-ing the technician covering the desk to help me. She didn't. She told me after she knew what I was doing but couldn't help me. She's a cold one.

There's something weird about that lab that I go to. Today there was a woman sitting across from me giving me dirty looks like I just ran over her dog or something. I was about to say something but was stopped in my tracks when the man next to me sneezed all over my arm, then stared at me blankly. I looked at him and said "I believe the word you're looking for is EXCUSE ME!"

Grody.

Last stop on my way home was to vote. I love that I live in a country that allows me the freedom to say who I want as my Prime Minister. I can't wait until the polls close and the ballots are counted. There's no way I'll be able to stay up that late for the results so I'll have to be patient for tomorrow morning.

Whew.

And that's a wrap.