Thoughts On Blogging

I’ve been thinking about this blog a lot lately. About how it started, what I write about, who reads it and what purpose, if any, I want it to serve.

I started this blog in 2005 at the urging of a friend. I don’t think it was that she felt I had any special talent, just that she enjoyed doing it and thought I would too. She was right.

When I started out I only had two or three readers, one of which was my husband. I didn’t write about anything terribly important and other than those two or three people who read my words, I was anonymous.

I didn’t notice that my writing started to take on a very negative tone until Ian gently pointed it out to me. It was during a very stressful time at work and I was using this blog as a place to vent. I never mentioned names but it was full of frustration and anger. After a lot of thought, I realized he was right, so I deleted everything and started over.

I kept it light. I tried to be funny. I posted pictures of my beautiful family and encouraging verses or videos. I was just me being me.

Then I started to gain a bit of a following. Still small, but I started to get very excited. And flattered that people who weren’t related to me would be interested in what I had to say. I put a stat counter on my blog to track how many hits I got each day and I was shocked at how many visitors I had. My number of followers started increasing each week.

I think that’s when things started to change.

I started to feel more and more anxious about what to post next. Would it be funny enough to keep people’s interest? Would that topic be too controversial? Would those feelings offend someone? Our families and friends read this blog ... would they take issue with something I said? Would I come across as silly? Would I embarrass myself or my family?

I don’t want to think that way anymore. When you read this blog, I want you to really be reading me. What I think about, worry about, celebrate and wish for. I want to be real here. While you're here, I want you to feel like we're sitting across the table from each other at a coffee shop, just talking.

But I’m afraid.

Some of my opinions aren’t popular. Some of my longings aren’t realistic. Some of my hurts are just too private.

I want to try though. I want to get back to the way I blogged before. No pressure, just me being me, being silly and thoughtful and fun.

I don’t want to worry about how I come across. Not anymore. I want to use this blog for what I intended it to be – an outlet for me and a way to share a bit of myself with anyone who choses to read my ramblings.

At this very moment there are 47 people who openly follow this blog. According to my stat counter, I get between 60 and 100 visitors a day. That’s a far cry from the two or three that I started out with. I am grateful for each and every one of you and I am so flattered that you keep coming back to read what I have to say. Every single comment makes me so happy. I sincerely mean that.

Thank you.

So, that's it. I'm letting go of this self-imposed pressure and I'm just going to be myself. I hope that's ok with you.

:-)