Lots going on here these days.
Most notably, I will be returning to work in the very near future. Hopefully not for forever, but definitely for an undetermined length of time.
I'm trying so hard to be gracious about it instead of being miserable like I was last year when Ian was laid off.
I don't think I'm succeeding and end up trying not to talk about it at all.
But last night... ugh. I felt like my chest was being crushed with anxiety and breathing was hard. Ever been so sad that you can't even cry? That's what I felt like last night.
I have been a stay at home mom for almost three years now, with the exception of the four month temp assignment last year.
I love being at home. I am happy here.
I started thinking about who I would find to watch Jordan. How would we get three kids up, dressed and out the door to get to work on time, with only one car?
What if one of the children was sick?
What about Willow? He is still crated when we go out because he eats everything. He'll be confined all day. What kind of a life is that for him?
I remember what life was like when we both worked. It was rushed and hectic. The house was a mess and we ate a lot of takeout. I couldn't keep up with everything and I was exhausted all the time. Now we have one more child and I just can't imagine how I'll do it all.
I remember feeling like a failure and I'm not too anxious to go back to that.
I know. Women all over the world go out to work every single day and they aren't complaining about it.
I know.
I just feel so sad.
No more Bible study on Wednesday mornings.
No more leisurely visits with my mom.
My mom has offered to watch Jordan for the first month so we I can get a couple of paycheques in the bank before I start having to pay huge daycare fees, and to give her a chance to get used to not being with me all day.
I'll need new clothes and shoes.
And get my hair done.
Sigh.
I keep hoping that something will come up so that I can continue to stay at home but there is nothing.
Ugh. I don't even want to talk about it anymore.
I'm going to bed.
/end whine
I'm sorry. I know how hard this is for you. I will be praying my heart out that an option will arise that will lend you more flexibility in your options. But for now, be strong good and faithful servant!
ReplyDeleteAmanda
(and yay for your mom! What an angel!)
You know that I'm praying for you and your family. I would probably feel the same way if I had to go back to work after being home with my kids too. You can do it.
ReplyDeleteI'll be praying for you too! This is one of those times to lay it at Jesus' feet and pray for Him to show Himself in a mighty way--whether it be through having peace or in providing another way.
ReplyDeleteI would totally be having the same horrible apprehensive feelings! (Big Hugs!!!)
Oh, Kate. I'm so sorry. I can not imagine how hard it would be to go back to work after having a taste of being a stay at home mom.
ReplyDeleteHang in there girl...better days are ahead!
But...GAH! Who's gonna tweet with me during the day?!
I'm sorry, lady. I know how difficult change can be, and I know sadness. It stinks. I hope you find that positive spin on it (like new clothes! yay?). And I hope you make lots of new friends at this place.
ReplyDeleteAw Kate, I can't even imagine how hard this must be for you - I'd be such a hot mess myself. But you are a fabulous mother - absolutely incredible. I don't mean necessarily because you've stayed with your kids for so long, but because you're doing what you need to do FOR them. That you're going back to work to support your family and help you all get through a stressful time is so admirable - I wish more women, including myself, had the strength to move forward with something of that magnitude. You're absolutely incredible, Miss Kate, and I'm proud for you. Kate, it's impossible sometimes to see the path we're on for what it is when the way is heavily wooded, but God does have a plan for us all and He is listening, even if He doesn't choose to respond in the way you're expecting right this minute. He has an odd way about Him, but always, He is good and He is with you. In the meantime, be strong as I know you are and know how many people love you and are praying for you.
ReplyDeleteI am soo sorry girl. I will keep you in my prayers.. I know this is very tough on you and I know the changes that lie ahead will be difficult. Be strong and know that hopefully it will not be forever. You do the best that you can do and that is all you can do! Chin up girlie!! Love ya ((((you))))
ReplyDeleteI am so praying for you friend. Praying, praying, praying.
ReplyDeleteOh, Kate. I'm so sorry. Your heart must be breaking. I know there is a silver lining...that you are blessed to be able to work, etc...but I also understand the heartbreak of having to leave the home to go back to work.
ReplyDeleteI will be praying, sweetie.
This is so so sad. :(
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry that you have to leave your babies and I hope that something comes up and you don't have to! Praying for you, Kate. :)
Awww... I feel ya! If I didn't have to work I'd be an at home mommy too. But I live in Cali and that is nigh impossible these days :(
ReplyDeleteOh, Kate. I'm so sorry. Your heart must be breaking. I know there is a silver lining...that you are blessed to be able to work, etc...but I also understand the heartbreak of having to leave the home to go back to work.
ReplyDeleteI will be praying, sweetie.
I'm sorry, lady. I know how difficult change can be, and I know sadness. It stinks. I hope you find that positive spin on it (like new clothes! yay?). And I hope you make lots of new friends at this place.
ReplyDelete