Counting Mine {31-45}

When I first decided to start counting my gifts they came easily to me. I found that I was carrying paper and a pen with me wherever I went because they'd come so quickly.

Now that I'm nearing 200 I find I'm slowing down somewhat. Not for a lack of gifts, but instead of sitting and thinking about them, I'm living more in the moment and slowing down and seeing them. Noticing them. Feeling them.

This past week I've had some really great moments of clarity in terms of my relationship with God. I have issues with control, and I can't give the control up to God. Bottom line, I just don't know how to. I have this deep need to be in control of absolutely everything and I don't know how to let go and get out of His way. But this past week, I realized that the more I try to stay in control of things, the less control I have. I've made a mess of so many things and having my eyes opened to something as basic as this was new for me.

And so it has started. A whispered prayer to the One who knows me the best. I can't do it, Father. I can't do it. I need you. I give it to you. And as I opened my hands to let go, He has filled them with this new sense of peace.

This week we received another blow. And while I still allowed myself a few tears in the shower, I still felt that feeling of all is well. I didn't rail at Him as I have done in the past. I just let myself cry and feel His comfort.

He knows. He knows.

None of what I'm feeling or struggling with is a surprise to Him. He knows it all.

This season that we're in is scary and it sucks. But it's also precious. This time that Ian and I have had together, and with our children, has been precious. It has had purpose. God has provided. He has a plan. I have no idea what it is, and frankly I wish He'd hurry up, but He has a plan.

When I think of the struggles that we have faced this year, are currently facing and those that are still coming fast, I wonder if God isn't stripping everything away from us so that when He does show up, it will be crystal clear that it is all because of Him and the glory will all be His.

As hard as things are...don't I want that? Don't I want people to see God's glory in our lives? To change our circumstances so that people will see that it's all from Him? To show people that no matter what things look like, He is always at work in us and around us?

I do. It's hard, but oh yeah...I want that. I want Him to be glorified in this. I want people to see who He is, and what He does, and how He loves.

Oh how He loves.

The gifts that I've been counting, the ways that He blesses me every single day when I stop to look for them.

I'm finally, finally getting it. He loves me.

Me.

31} sunlight on my face
32} knowing I've done something to make Ian happy
33} my mother's voice
34} feeling my child's hand in mine
35} napping with Jordan and feeling her warm body snuggled up to mine
36} sand underneath my feet
37} making someone laugh
38} a fresh nightgown, straight from the dryer
39} smiling
40} all the windows in my home, letting the sunlight fill each room
41} retreating to a quiet room in my house and having one of the children seek me out for a hug
42} family movie nights
43} my mom's egg salad sandwiches
44} an unopened box of kleenex
45} cool pillows

If you are counting your own blessings and blogging about them, will you leave me a comment with the link to your blog, or share them with me at katieb38@hotmail.com? I'd love to know how you are being blessed through this journey!

Counting Mine {1-15}
Counting Mine {16-30}