Here we are on the very last day of 2011.
Many of the blogs I read are talking about the highs and lows of their year, and their resolutions for 2012.
Our high was definitely the arrival of our little boy Matthew. He is such a sweet baby and a symbol of unexpected blessings and hope.
One afternoon, earlier this year, I was laying beside Jordan while she napped. One hand was stroking her hair while the other rested on my pregnant belly. I was talking to God and asking Him how I would manage everything He had entrusted me with in the season we were enduring. I felt Him speak to my heart and it just took my breath away.
"Look at her. Look at who I gave you. You asked Me for one more child. I gave you two. I exceeded your prayers then, and I will do it again."
Our lows this year have been low. No doubt about that. We are leaving 2011 battered and bruised and so tired. But. There was a lot of blessings and beauty this year as well. The way we've turned toward one another, instead of turning away. How our family has become even stronger. The people who have loved on us over and over, and met our needs in ways we never imagined. Learning to let go of the control I seem to think I have, and let God have it all. My anger, my fear, my own ideas of what should be. Choosing to let Him in. Hearing from Him in a way that has changed my life. I guess He needs to completely break me so that He can mold me into who He intended me to be, before I got in my own way.
I have hopes and dreams for 2012. Things I would like to happen. Places I'd like to go. Stuff I want to do. I don't really make resolutions anymore because I never keep them for long. Then I feel bad about myself, and I am so done with feeling bad about myself.
So, I'll share with you what I hope to accomplish in 2012.
I would like to take steps to better myself physically.
I want to spend more time getting to know Jesus. He reached out to me in a way I never ever expected and I'm dropping everything and going with Him. My hands aren't clenched closed anymore. They're open and expectant. I'm giving up control to Him I'm expecting a wild ride!
I want to be a strong supporter and encourager of my husband. He leads our family well, and I couldn't be more proud that he is mine. I feel like we've fallen in love with each other in a fresh way, and I want to date him again!
I want to be the mother that my children deserve. My daughters deserve a good female role model to emulate and I want it to be me. All of my children need to hear me speaking with a softer tone, see me making healthy choices, spending more time with my Bible open and less time with my iPhone in my hands.
I want to wear perfume and makeup even if I'm not going anywhere. To use the good dishes on a weekday night. To drink milk out of a champagne glass just because I can.
I want to spend more time being Kate, and less time trying to be someone else. God made me to be Kate, and it's time I started trying to be Kate.
I want to try baking and sewing and crafting more, and being ok when things don't turn out perfectly. I will have tried, and my victory will come from that alone.
I want to smile and laugh more, and swear less.
Not bad for someone who doesn't make resolutions, right?
I may not know what you've celebrated, lost or endured in 2011. Some of you have allowed me to pray alongside you in your difficult seasons, and to rejoice with you in your blessings. Many of you have contacted me to let me know that you have been praying for our family this year. Thank you.
The blogging community is a powerful place of love and support and I am so thankful to be a part of it.
Happy New Year, friends. May you receive God's beautiful blessings in abundance, and feel that incredible joy and peace that comes from Him.