Friday

I kind of wish I was a drinker because tonight would be a great night to open a bottle of wine and stick a straw in it.


What a week.


  I was short staffed so my days were exceptionally busy. I had to stay late almost every night to try to catch up on my workload somewhat. Which meant that two nights I served dinner at bedtime.


I'm trying to decide if I should go in to the office for a few hours tomorrow morning. I have so much work to do and It's absolutely overwhelming.


Lots of crappy-mom stuff this week too. I disappointed Julie by saying no to a school trip to Washington. I was short tempered and distracted a lot. My littles didn't get to linger and play in the bath like they like to. Songs and prayers at bedtime were rushed because I just wanted all the things of the day to be over with so I could be alone.


There is a heaviness in my spirit today. I kept putting my head down on my desk and praying but the fear and anxiety wouldn't go away. My heart feels exhausted. I have so many things on my mind and I just can't quiet my brain.


Ah well, tomorrow is a new day. It will be better.


My littles are now tucked in bed, with extra songs and giggles and hugs and kisses, trying to make up for this week. The house is quiet now,and I can feel myself starting to slow down a bit. Soon, Ian and the big kids will be home from youth group.


I'm hungry because Mattie fed my dinner to the dog while I was in the bathroom.


Tomorrow I will visit my mama. She makes everything feel better. Or manageable at least. Do we ever stop needing our mothers?? I don't think so.


Ian did the new iOs8 upgrade thing today and lost everything on his ipad. I'm scared to upgrade. I held off on the iOs7 upgrade until the very last possible second because I hate change. I can be very patient when I need to be. My phone is up for renewal in April which is very exciting to me because I smashed my iPhone screen again. I'm not interested in the iPhone 6 whatever, another 4S will be fine.


Alright.


That's all I've got.


Over and out.

Update

I've started writing this post a dozen times and just keep deleting it. I've forgotten how to blog it seems.

Do people still blog? Is it still a thing?? I don't read blogs anymore so I really don't know.
Dang you google reader for breaking up with the blog world. Now I don't know what is happening out there on the internets.

Look at those pics on the left. They don't even look like that anymore!

Sam is 15 and in grade 10. In addition to a full course load he is now a part of a business program he was accepted into at the end of grade 9. He's taller than me now! Most days the only time I get to see him is in the morning when I drive him to school.


Julie is 13 and in grade 8. She's so beautiful that it makes me worry! The boys are coming around and I don't like it at all. She's so sweet and loving, encouraging and helpful. She still likes to be around me! Ha! She's walking to school this year and it's all I can do not to make her text me at every corner. I'm a very nervous mother you know. Everyone is a potential kidnapper. . She's crazy smart too, and compassionate and so artistic.

Jordan is 6 and in grade 1. That's "real school" you know, not like baby kindergarten. (her words, not mine) She has been sneaking into my bed most nights and she's so dang cuddly that I have a hard time sending her back to her own bed. She can read so well now which amazes me, because one day she couldn't read, then the next day she could. I could never teach someone else to read. I have a hard enough time trying to teach them to piddle in the toilet and not in a diaper.

Speaking of diapers, Mattie is now 3 years old and flat out refuses to use the toilet. Honest to pete, either I have the hardest kids to train or I just suck at potty training. Whatever man. We have one more year to figure it out. He's finally starting to talk and much to my delight he's very polite. Even when he's cross he'll still say please and thank you. I'm worried about his speech but Ian reminds me that all our kids spoke late and now you can't shut them up.

And me? I'm in a rough spot these days. I know I'm depressed. I've tried to hold it off but it's taken root and everything is an effort. I don't do the things I enjoy anymore (sewing, baking, blogging). I'm not spending time in the word as I should. I've been so deeply hurt by the previous leadership at our church that I'm finding it so difficult to return. Even though these people are no longer a part of our church, it's still hard. Work is overwhelming, then I come home and need to make dinner and do baths and bedtimes. By the time I get to bed I'm exhausted from just doing the next thing. Then the nightmares start. I'm a hot mess, y'all.

In the midst of this difficult and heartbreaking season, there are blessings. My children are healthy. I am married to a man who loves me so much. I am still blessed to have my mother and the close relationship we share. I have a job that is absolutely off the charts nuts but provides great entertainment. I have an abundance of friends.

I've stuck with Weight Watchers all summer and I've lost 41.7 lbs. I'm pretty proud of that. Last month we were away on vacation and I was running and playing with the kids on the beach. Jordan told me she didn't know I could run. It's so much more fun to be a participant instead of just an observer. I still have a long way to go, but this is a good start.

Alright I need to wrap this up. I've been absolutely exhausted lately and it needs to be an early-ish night.

I'll be back.

This-n-That

I am SO THRILLED that the clock has sprung forward. More daylight = a very happy Kate. Matthew doesn't seem to even notice that things are different - he just goes to bed when you tell him it's time. Even Jordan will still crash occasionally and it seems that this time change has been seamless.


It's Spring break this week and Sam & Julie are enjoying the much slower pace of things. Jordan is missing her friends a bit but always prefers to be wherever her big sister and brother are. I had booked today as a vacation day, but after a very difficult week at work last week, I decided to take Mon-Wed and trying to use that time to get my head together.


I'm currently drinking the worst cup of tea ever. I don't know why it is so challenging for me to make a decent cup of tea! It's water, a bag and some milk, not rocket science.


So, tonight was my first weigh-in at Weight Watchers and I was floored to learn I'd lost 6.8 lbs this week. I kind of scared the lady weighing me with my "SHUT UP WHAT!?"


Bless it.


I'll be honest with you... the first two days? I thought I was dying. Slowly dying to death from starvation. And diet pepsi withdrawal because I gave that up for Lent. But I managed to sort out this point counting business and successfully navigated a dinner out with friends on Saturday night.
Anyway, like I said last week, I don't want to talk about this Weight Watchers stuff. Except when I do.


Ian and I went out on a double date on Saturday night. We went to dinner first and then went bowling. BOWLING!! It was so much fun. Oh my gosh we laughed so much. I completely forgot every single stress in my life and just got caught up in the fun. I can't tell you how good that felt, or how badly I needed that.


On Sunday afternoon, Ian and I took the girls up to Orangeville to a fabric store I like. I've got the urge to sew again but I've misplaced my tote with all my supplies and fabric from our move. Yes, the move was almost 2 years ago... that tells you how long it's been since Sassy Susie and I whipped something up.  Ian assures me it's somewhere in the house or garage, we just don't know where it is yet.


I bought a metre of flannel with cute monsters on it to make pj pants for Mattie. Just typing that out makes me shake my head... monsters?? You have to see them... they're really cute. It was 50% off so it only cost me $4.50. As I was walking around I saw a beautiful pastel pink eyelet... so I bought a metre of that for $5.00. No idea what I will ever make with it but it's so pretty.


Today Ian took my car in for servicing. I really only wanted an oil change, emissions test and the clanking under the hood to be taken care of. One full day and they've replaced the brakes, fixed some things around the exhaust and replaced my two wiper blades.


HELLO. Oil change. Emissions test. Clanking under the hood.


Apparently both front and rear brakes were completely stripped, with the front brakes ready to go any time. Wow. We have to take it back on Wednesday to get the oil changed and the emissions test done, and I will need to find a buyer for my first born child in order to pay the bill.


As I sit here chatting with you and sipping my awful cup of tea, I have my bedroom window open and can smell the freshest breeze. I'm loving it. I'll sleep well tonight hopefully. Not like last night. For some dumb reason I decided to watch The Butterfly Effect right before bed and had nightmares all night long. Mercy.


Alright, that's a wrap.

Book Review: You're Going To Be Okay

If your life isn't perfect . . . 
If you've ever been disappointed . . .
If you feel stressed or tired . . . 
This is for you. 

You really are going to be okay. And it truly is possible to live with joy, resilience, and strength no matter what life brings. Yes, there will be hurt and hard times. But God wants to help you find ways to survive, grow stronger, and even thrive--no matter what happens. 

With her trademark positive encouragement and probing questions for self-reflection, bestselling author Holley Gerth encourages you to spend less of your life stressing or regretting and more of your life truly living.


~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~
Oh friends, this book. THIS BOOK. Thought provoking. Encouraging. Uplifting. Filled with precious truth that we all need so desperately to hear and to allow to just soak right in to our hearts.  This life is hard. It really is. I can't think of a single person who has an "easy" life. We are all struggling in our own ways and it's easy to think that we are just going to walk around in despair until we fall apart.  To be honest, I was pretty full of despair when this book arrived on my doorstep a few weeks ago.  Just reading the introduction caused a wave of tears and I had to set the book aside for another day. But when I picked it up again I couldn't put it down. It felt as though Holley was sitting right there with me, whispering the reassurance I so desperately needed to hear.  Holley's writing style is so familiar, so friendly and warm. She has been in the dirt, she has been heartbroken, she doesn't talk into your pain like she knows how you're feeling - because only you know how you are feeling - but she can relate to what it feels like to be hurting so deeply.  She shares her personal journey in this book, and lots of funny asides that allow the reader to really get a feel for her personality. I kind of want to find her and make her my new best friend.   My copy is a mess! I have little folds in some corners for pages that spoke to me, and really big folds for the parts that I know I will be reading again and again for those moments I need extra truth and encouragement that I really will be ok. And then there's the page with all the tears: I want to whisper, "I know this isn't easy." You've made it this far, and that tells me so much about you - that you are a brave, beautiful, faithful woman. You are trying to trust even when you're not sure what's ahead. You're persevering when I know it would be easier to give up. I don't know what you future holds, but I know who holds you. I pray he shows you more of who he is and more of who you are in ways you never expected...and beyond what you've even dared to hope. The news ticker of your life still reads, "Good things coming."
See? The book is filled with love like that excerpt above.  And if that isn't enough, at the end of the book there is a going deeper guide that would be perfect to work through on your own or in a bible study with other women just like you. I cannot recommend this book enough. I've been talking about it to all of my girlfriends and urged them to buy a copy because everyone needs to read this. I enjoy a lot of books, but I don't LOVE a lot of them. This one? LOVE. ~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~
"Book has been provided courtesy of Baker Publishing Group and Graf-Martin Communications, Inc.  Available at your favourite bookseller from Revell, a division of Baker Publishing Group". 

Haircuts & Stuff

I was really looking forward to spending some time with my Littles this weekend, and to take them out to give Ian a bit of a quiet Saturday morning. He's always looking for ways to serve me, and I wanted it to be his turn for a change.

The agenda? Haircuts and then donuts and milk. Pretty easy morning, right?

Yeah. It wasn't.

I documented our morning in pictures but for some reason blogger won't let me upload them. It's making me very cross, actually.

Never mind the pictures, what I wish I had was the audio because well,  you just really needed to be there.


As soon as Mattie realized he had to sit in the chair he started crying and trying to get down. I am not one of those moms that can just shake off a child's fit like "oh well". I get very embarrassed. I offered to sit with him on my lap thinking it would help but it sure didn't and I think he caused me some kind of brain trauma because he kept head butting me to avoid her scissors. After fifteen minutes of trying to wrangle this child I called a time-out. He was crying and we were both panting and sweating, and there was this grody mixture of tears and snot on my arms... what a mess.

Eventually I became so embarrassed I just told the stylist that would have to be good enough and we'd try another day.


Jordan hopped up in to the chair pleased as punch as she talked ever so sweetly to the stylist, describing how she wanted her hair cut. I was busy trying to settle Mattie down that she could have requested a brush cut and I wouldn't have noticed. Or cared to be frank.

I called Ian to tell him how it went and to make a long (read: lame and embarrassing) story short, he ended up coming to the salon to help finish Mattie's haircut while I sat near the door mumbling my apologies to customers as they left.

Eventually this lovely experience ended and Ian headed off and I took the children to Tim Hortons for donuts and milk. Thankfully that trip was completely uneventful and sweet. Mattie was drinking his milk with a straw right from the carton and I think it was like he was at Disney World or something. He was chattering away and gesturing to the carton and in my mind I was all eat your dang timbit so we can leave you've been looking at it for 27 minutes now dang...

BUT!!

I rolled up the rim on my steeped tea and won a free coffee/tea! It was like the Lord stopped laughing at me for a few minutes and threw me a bone. YEEHAW!


So much for Ian's quiet, kid-free Saturday morning. I guess we'll just have to try again next weekend.

Minus the haircuts, of course.

I'm not going to lie... I needed a nap after all that. I don't know who napped longer ... Mattie or me!
I took the girls to the Mandarin for dinner since the guys just wanted to stay home. Julie and I have been there before, but Jordan hadn't. From the revolving door to the ceiling painted like the sky, to the shark tank to the unlimited iced teas and dessert... Jordan was completely enthralled.

We ended up skipping church today. Ian had fallen on the ice yesterday after rescuing me at the hair salon, and cut up his hands and twisted his back and shoulder. Jordan woke up with a very croupy cough and I just felt lazy so we stayed home.

Later in the afternoon Ian and I went grocery shopping and I picked up some salads and fruit because I'm joining Weight Watchers tomorrow which I don't want to talk about. Well maybe we can talk about it sometime. I have a friend who is on the program now who is ready to support me and another who will be doing the program online. I don't know. Dieting makes me so crabby.

Well, that's about it. I'm going to finish my tea, roll up the rim and hopefully win the car, and then head to bed.

Blessings on you, my friends.

Gettin' Old

Wow getting old sucks.


I was out last evening at a ladies event at my church and afterwards a friend and I went to a nearby coffee shop to chat for a bit. We talked about everything under the sun and I was able to share with her a bit about the things I'm struggling with. I am a very private person and cover everything with a smile. She's the kind of friend who can hear what I'm not saying.


Do you have a friend like that? Such a gift.


Anyway, we talked and laughed and cried a bit right there at Tim Horton's, and every minute that passed I felt my heart growing a bit stronger. Then I checked the time on my phone and almost fell out of my chair: 1:15am!!


WHAT!


We wrapped it up and I headed home. I couldn't fall asleep so I chattered away telling Ian about my evening and do you know what my sweet husband did?


DOZED OFF WHILE I WAS TALKING!


The nerve! Yes, it was after 2am by then but seriously people, this was riveting stuff.


Not really :-)


This morning I got up with Mattie so Ian could sleep in for a change.
It took me a full 15 minutes to figure out how to turn on the tv because it's hard. Technology is hard. Back in the day you pushed one button and voila! The tv turned on. Now you have to have a masters degree in science and technology to turn the ding dang thing on. Anyway, I did it, possibly with my 2 yr old's help. I'm not saying. It doesn't matter because I TURNED IT ON.


You'd think I discovered fire.


I also found the Canada/Sweden hockey game on an app on my ipad so I watched that because everyone on the planet was watching an peer pressure is a very powerful thing.


Between my late night out and an early morning with my little guy... I felt awful! Bones were creaking, I had a headache and felt barfy... I had two cups of tea before I began to feel somewhat normal.


Allll that to say... getting old sucks.


Mercy.

:-)

This was THE BEST weekend I've had in a very long time.


Friday was Valentine's Day and Ian surprised me with flowers, chocolate and a huge card. Things at work seemed to flow well and I was able to accomplish a few tasks that had been piling up. Sam came home from his three day retreat with his school's media program and I picked him up from school and we brought a pizza home for dinner.


Ian leads our jr high youth group on Friday nights and the Littles and I used to hang out in the church nursery just to be close to him. It's been such a long time since we've done that, so I asked Ian if we could tag along and he said yes. Jordan likes to sit with the youth while Ian teaches and we all watch the gym games. We got home pretty late and put the Littles right to bed.


Saturday morning Sam slept in and Julie was visiting my mother,  so Ian and I took the Littles to a Christian bookstore that is going out of business. I was looking for a few small gifts for a blessing project I am working on. I found a mug with HOPE on it, which is my word for 2014. I found one with JOY on it for my sweet friend Louise as that is her word for this year. Ian and I both found a few books that were marked down so we got those.


We stopped at Michaels on our way home and found colouring books for $1 each. Ian had a 25% off coupon so we bought 7! I found some cute notecards and emery boards, and Ian bought some discounted valentines candy. 


Ian and I went to see a matinee of Robocop and then dinner at Montana's, followed by a trip to Target. Oh my gosh my love affair with Target will never end. We brought dinner home for the children and we all watched Cool Runnings together. Such a great movie.


This morning we all went to church and it felt so, so good to worship the Lord with my church family. Afterwards we visited with some friends, then came home for lunch and naps. Naps are my favourite. After naptime we took the children to see The Lego Movie. Oh my gosh it was cute.


Tomorrow is Family Day which is a stat holiday, however my company doesn't observe it so I'm back to work tomorrow. The office should be pretty quiet so hopefully I'll be able to make a dent in the piles on my desk.


As usual I've left my laundry until the last minute but I don't even care. I feel very happy and peaceful tonight. I've been running on an empty tank for the longest time and tonight I feel as though I've been rejuvenated and able to face the week ahead. I'm so thankful for this time with my sweet family.


Good night friends!

Random Thoughts

Sunday night already.


Boo.


I spent the weekend in bed trying to get over this cold I've had for about a thousand years now. I finished reading You'll Get Through This by Max Lucado and watched Love Actually and Red. Drank lots of tea and slept a lot.


Not sure I feel any better but it was nice to hide from the world for a little while.


I missed church again for the second week in a row. To be honest, I'm not sure I'm going back. There has been so much stuff that has gone on within our church in the last ten months and I'm tired of dealing with it. We have been so hurt by the church leadership and I think I'm done.
Ian wants to see it through and sees where things are improving, but for me... the damage is done. I love the Lord and will always want to work at getting closer and closer to Him.... I just feel put off by church.


Maybe some day I'll tell you what happened.


Maybe I won't.


We have had so much snow lately. Sam shovels the driveway for us every snowfall without complaint. The snowbanks are now taller than he is and he's not sure where he'll put the next batch. It was so bad one day last week that it took me almost two hours to get to the office.
I popped in my Frozen cd and it was a full on Broadway show in my car.


I'm itching to sew something but I'm not sure what. I haven't sewed in over a year and a half and I'm not even sure I know where my tote of fabric even is. My sewing machine is in my mother's basement. You know what else I haven't done in a year a half? Baked. I remember I used to try something new every week and share it here. My mint chocolate cake gets repinned a lot on Pinterest which makes me miss baking even more.


Julie invited me to her Girls Night In event at her school on Jan 31st. They had all the 7th and 8th grade girls attend workshops all afternoon: liturgy, boot camp, friendship bracelets, zumba, smoothies & smores and nails. At 5:30 the moms met their daughters in the gym for pizza and a keynote speaker. It was a really great evening and it was nice to meet some of Julie's friends. I hated my middle school years. HATED THEM. I was bullied every single day and was completely miserable. I'm glad she's enjoying this new school so much. Her report card was her best one ever.


I'm wearing the nicest cardigan right now. It's peach coloured and so soft. I bought it in the Fall and when I brought it home and pulled it out of the bag I had this what was I thinking moment and hung it up in my closet and proceeded to ignore it. But today I'm loving it.


My nail polish collection has grown. I'll have to show it to you. I think I have 40 something bottles now and I had to cut myself off because it was getting a bit out of hand. I just love the feel of freshly polished nails.
Julie's birthday gift to me this year was a manicure and pedicure. Sweet! She came with me and we talked and talked about everything under the sun. I think I may have been the guy's (yes, a dude did my pedi) first customer ever because I've never gotten such a detailed pedicure before. He got a little carried away and rubbed off about three layers of skin and I was sporting a rash for a few days. BUT... I have very pretty toes and no more prickly feet.


Sam is going on a school retreat with the media majors this week. Three days without him. My heart hurts already. He started telling me about some of the scheduled events but I had to make him stop before I decided not to let him go! (climbing a telephone pole and then jumping off into the snow!?!)


Enough rambly thoughts. Time for bed. Amazing how I slept a hundred hours this weekend yet I'm still so tired.


"Night y'all.

Hi

Tap tap...


Is this thing on??


Hello friends. It's been a very long time since I've checked in here. My blog badly needs some TLC from my neglect. My children no longer look like their sidebar pics... links are missing or broken...


Shameful.


I'm in a bad spot these days, friends. So much going on and I'm just tapped out. I'm deeply depressed and everything is such an effort.


I'm hoping to find my voice and start blogging again. I'd like to revamp the whole look of things around here but I'm so out of practice. Do people still blog now?? Ever since google reader disappeared I haven't been reading any blogs. Shame on me.


I'm on my way to bed. I have caught Ian's cold and it's really starting to settle in and I'm sore and sniffly.


I'll be back soon.

Tuesday

Today started out kind of cool.

I was listening to Z103.5 on my drive in to work when Good Vibrations by Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch came on.

I love this song like I love M&Ms.

And air.

I was sitting at a red light, dancing in my seat and singing/rapping at the top of my lungs like there was no tomorrow.

Then, I looked over at the car next to me, and there was this woman doing the exact same thing.

Our eyes met, we opened our windows and suddenly it became a dance party of two.

You're ok, Dancing Lady.

You are a-ok.

My day continued to get even better because I had a very special visitor for lunch...

THIS GUY!

Naturally, I put him right to work.

 

He made a call or two...

 

He waltzed around like he'd been there a hundred times before. He's usually very shy and wary of strangers but today he was Mr. Personality.

 

I don't know who took more pictures of him, my co-worker or me!

Getting to see him was such a blessing for me today and certainly lifted my spirits.

 

And now I'm off to toss a package of popcorn in the microwave and watch my new favourite show The Black List with my sexy husband.

 

Kate

xoxo

Monday

Well hello.

I'm well overdue for an update, aren't I?

I don't really know where to begin.

Things have not changed since my last update. I'm still struggling in the same ways. Work is overwhelming and the situation with my church has become unbearably painful. I continue to try to choose joy each day but I'm tired. I'm really tired.

So what's been going on around here...

Well, Sam started high school last month and he loves it. I'm not sure if I told you that he applied for the media arts program last winter, a program that hundreds of students apply for and only 22 are accepted and he was one of them. So proud. He's really enjoying high school life and is making a lot of new friends and has had some really cool experiences in his short time there. I get to drive him to school each day which has been really nice. We don't get a lot of time together anymore but this time in the mornings keeps us connected. And a side bonus of leaving to take him at 7:30 is that I get to work early!

The girls started a new school this year, one that's twice as big as their old school. Julie is in the 7th grade and has really, really appreciated the fresh start this school has given her. She's friends with everyone and her teacher raved about her at the open house last month. She's like a new person! In her old school she was bullied a lot and felt like she'd never get out from underneath that - but in her new school she is so much happier. 

Jordan is in senior kindergarten and goes to school full days now. I was afraid she wouldn't be able to handle it but she's done well and has lots of friends. She really enjoys riding the school bus every day. 

Mattie is a happy, busy little guy, always on the go. He's squishy and cuddly and growing much too fast. My mom is going to bring him to my office tomorrow for lunch and I can't wait to show him off. 

Ian and I are enjoying a few date nights here and there which has been really nice. Sam is old enough to babysit for us so we try to time our dates around Mattie's naps or bedtime. 

Mom rented a cottage at Sherkston again this past August and invited us to visit so we spent five wonderful days there. It felt so good to take a break from real life and just be with all of the people I love the most in the world.

I have lots to tell you, but I'll wrap it up for now. I'm feeling tired and have lots of thoughts swirling around in my head. 

I'll be back again soon. 

Kate

xoxo

Hey

Hello friends.

When I logged in today I was surprised that I haven't written anything since May.

There's been a lot going on here for the last several weeks. For while there, every time I sat down to write....nothing came out.

So... I just stopped trying.

To be honest I'm struggling and choosing joy every day is getting harder. I'm tired. I thought things would be different by now and the dreams that I had held on to and prayed for are slipping away. I feel full of sadness. While I am extremely grateful for the provision of my job, the weight of my responsibility and workload is overwhelming. I'm becoming someone I don't want to be.

Sadly, we have been deeply wounded by our church in these past several weeks and it's been a very, very, difficult time for us.  We remain hopeful that God will restore all if we give it all to Him. In the meantime, I've stopped attending our home church.

I just feel overwhelmed with sadness tonight.

If you should feel led to do so, I would appreciate your prayers for my family.

5QF ~ May 24

Oh my word it's been awhile since I've written anything here. Bless those of you that still check in regularly. I appreciate you very much.

We've been having absolutely incredible weather here lately. Last weekend was our long weekend and I took the Friday off so I'd have a four day weekend.

It was glorious.

I spent time with Ian and the children, had a few visits with my mother; we bought our flowers for the garden and Julie planted them, we ate dinner out,  I sat outside for hours on Saturday and Sunday with the littles while they chalked up the driveway and blew bubbles. I napped every day. I didn't set any alarms or think about work or do anything I didn't want to do.

Glorious I tell you.

Last night was my last class for the Freedom Session course I've been taking since September. Next week is our graduation and we all will give a short testimony of what God has been doing in our lives. I don't like speaking in public, and I will cry like a baby but I'm ok with that. This has been an incredibly painful yet beautiful journey. He has changed me.

I'm thankful for the new friendships I've been making, as well as the old friendships that are kick-starting again. I hadn't realized how closed off I had become until I started taking this course. It's been difficult to let my walls down and trust people, but I've been so blessed by it.

It's that time of year that absolutely thrills me: Garbage Exemption Week. We can put out as much garbage as we want to instead of just the two bags we're normally allowed. It's times like these that I want to throw everything out.

So excited for Saturday morning because I'm getting my hair done. Oh mercy, it's a hot mess right now. I think my favourite part of life is when they wash my hair. I could sit there forever getting my hair washed. It's one of my favourite things.

Ok, so let's move on to Mama M's Five Question Friday meme. She has some good questions this week and it's been a hundred years since I've participated.

Ready?

Let's go.

~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~  

 

1) Do you wake before the alarm or stay in bed until the last possible second?

I have my alarm set for 6:15 every morning. I used to get up at that time and putter around getting ready for work at my leisure. Lately I keep hitting the snooze until the very last second, then feeling frustrated that I have to rush.

2) Who should get a baby shower? Is it just the first baby or all babies?

I think all babies should be celebrated. I had a baby shower for each of my first three children, but I was adamant I didn't want one for my fourth. While our friends and church family respected that, it didn't stop them from leaving gifts on our porch for the longest time. Blessings.

3) How will you spend Memorial Day?

At work! This isn't a long weekend for us, we had ours last weekend.

4) Do you have a storm/hurricane/tornado/fire plan for your kids, house?

Thankfully we don't live in hurricane/tornado country so those aren't a concern. If we did have a super bad storm I'd hide in my closet with the kids. Which makes no sense because it's a closet.

We've talked to the kids about fire and what exits to use. I pray we never have to deal with that in our lifetime.

5) What is your favourite morning drink?

I love a big cup of tea. I cannot make a decent cup of tea no matter how I try, but Ian makes it perfectly, and makes me a cup in my huge Sully mug for the drive to the office (equivalent of 2 1/2 cups) and also fills my travel mug to drink at work with my breakfast.

I also like cold orange juice with gingerale and lots of ice.

~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~

Alright! That's a wrap!
Be blessed today!

Book Review: Finding God In The Dark

God has not forgotten about you.

That's hard to remember in the face of disillusionment or heartache. Ted Kluck's world was turned upside down after experiencing a failed adoption, where he found himself propelled into a year of doubt and disillusionment. Ronnie Martin struggled with the kind of identity and idolatry issues that come with being a well-known recording artist, before the unexpected death of his father allowed those sins to be brought to the surface of his heart. it is in the midst of these and other everyday stories that we learn how God reveals His boundless grace to every one of us.

Whether you've lost someone you loved, suffered career failure, or simply been let down by a fellow Christian, it's natural to wonder whether God has forgotten about you. You're not alone. Kluck and Martin's raw revelations about their mistakes and disappointments will help you on your own journey to finding God when you're standing in the dark.

 

~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~

I'd bet my last dollar that you have been in circumstances so dark that you wonder where God is, and how He could allow you to be where you are.

I'll admit it, I've spent much of the last two and half years in the dark, wondering if God has forgotten about us. Life is quiet, our hearts have been dry, the burden of our circumstances have been heavy. While I knew in my head that He will never leave us, my heart felt otherwise.

So, considering how long this season of darkness has gone on, I was curious to read this book, as the title intrigued me.

I wasn't overwhelmed by this book. At only 139 pages, it's a very quick and easy read, almost blog-like in the writing.  Each author has his own writing style, yet the book didn't mesh together. It's two authors in the same book, not relating to the other.

While I appreciated the authentic sharing of the author's hearts, I didn't feel inspired or as though I learned anything new about navigating the darkness of this season we are in. It was a good reminder that we all struggle with disappointments and tragedy. I just felt as though the book didn't go deep enough for me to connect with it. I'm not disappointed in it, it just came across as very light, blog reading.

~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~

"Book has been provided courtesy of Baker Publishing Group and Graf-Martin Communications, Inc.
Available at your favourite bookseller from Bethany House, a division of Baker Publishing Group".

5QF ~ Apr 26

I'm so glad it's Friday. It was a very heavy week 'round these parts, so I'm really looking forward to recharging with my family for the next two days.

I had a new temp start today. She wore a lovely purple sweater that matched her hair. I hope she works out. We've had so many temps come and go over the last year and it's been frustrating. Someday I will tell you allll about it.

I had a girls night out this week with two friends from church. We talked and laughed for over 3 hours!

My course will be over at the end of May, with the graduation ceremony in early June. Some day I will tell you allll about that too.

Ok. So since it's Friday, I'm going to do Mama M's Five Question Friday blog thingamaroo.

Ready?

Let's go.

 

~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~

1. Who drives when your family is together, you or your spouse?
99% of the time Ian does. I don't like driving in the dark, rain, snow, highway or traffic. Also, Ian does these weird jerky movements when I'm braking like he thinks I'm going to bang into the guy next to me or something. And I think he presses both feet on the floor like he has some invisible brakes going on down there. I can't take it. So, he drives and I look at the scenery.

2. Are you an introvert or extrovert?
My understanding of an introvert is someone who is recharged by being alone, while an extrovert is recharged by being with others.

So, assuming I'm not too way off base with my understanding, I am an introvert. I find being around other people to be exhausting sometimes, so I require a bit of quiet time to myself every day so my head doesn't pop off. I might read or pray or colour.. it doesn't matter. Just as long as I am alone it's all good.

3. Are you married to an introvert or extrovert?
Ian is an extrovert for sure. He loves being around other people and is very social. He'd have the entire world over every single night if he could. He loves people, he craves fellowship and fun with others.

I imagine it is very hard for an extrovert to live with an introvert.

4. What's your favorite type of social media?
It's a tie between Facebook and Twitter. I love them both. But I love Instagram and Snap Chat too.

I love me some social media.

5. What's your favorite way to "recharge"?

Probably by colouring. I have my own stash of colouring books and crayons and I can just zone out.

 

~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~

Good night!!

Wordless Wednesday

 

Monday

Whoa nelly, today went by much too fast. One minute it was 10:00, then next it was 12:30, then 3:00. I didn't accomplish a fraction of the things I'd hoped to. Seems my inbox gets fuller and my to-do list gets longer. I'm trying to find another temp to replace the one that is leaving at the end of the week and so far it's a slow process. I've seen so many different people come through our department...it's hard to find what we're looking for.

I didn't work as late tonight as I usually do, because last night Jordan asked me to promise her that I would leave on time today so I could take her to the park. She's such a sweetheart, but oh... the mama guilt. I'm struggling with balancing everything and I'm not doing a great job at it. I did make it home in time to take her and Mattie to the park for a bit, then just as the sun started setting we headed home so they could do some sidewalk chalking with Julie.

I feel very restless these days. Not sure if it's a sign that change is coming, or that I'm anxious for Spring or what, but it's getting super annoying. Tommorrow night I'm meeting up with a couple of friends for coffee and I'm really looking forward to it. Maybe that will help me snap out of whatever this restless feeling is all about.

My personal goal for this week is to figure out how to turn on our new tv that Ian gave me for my birthday in January. It's lovely but I can't figure out how to turn on and get the right inputs going so that it works... then I can't find my shows because I haven't watched tv in over a year and I have no idea what shows are on which nights, and what time they're on at. I used to know all my shows and what channel they were on back when we used Rogers Cable, but since we switched to Bell I can't find anything. I feel like an idiot. I like that I'm not bound to the tv anymore, but lately I find myself missing all the crazy nonsense on TLC.

Alright. My tea is over, and i've come to the end of my ramblings for tonight. 6 am will be here before I know it.

Sleep well friends.

Sunday

Today was one of those days I wanted to get out of the house and do something together as a family. It wasn't warm enough to go to the park, so we all headed off to Square One to poke around. My search for The Perfect Orange Purse continues, and I was hopeful I'd find it there.

 

Our first stop was here:

 

I don't know what it is about this store but it makes me cry every.single.time I go there. I just get so caught up in the magic of everything and it makes me want to buy all the things.

 

Like THIS!!

 

 

Ahh! Isn't it adorable?!?

 

It's absolutely huge, like two cups of tea in one! So far tonight I've had two cups, which is really like four cups... so I'm not even a little bit tired right now.

 

Oops. I'll probably fall asleep sometime around 3am and then want to beat myself up when my alarm goes off at 6am.

 

Eventually Sam took off for a bit on his own, and we decided to let Julie go off on her own for the first time. She had her cell phone with her and I gave her a million things to be careful of, and off she went.

 

Ian went off on his own for a bit and it was just the Littles and me. Not the family afternoon I was hoping for!

 

Jordan started griping about how her feet hurt and she wanted me to carry her. (um..what?!) So, I stuffed both of them into the stroller.

 

 

Not the most comfortable fit, but it worked. Although she wouldn't stop tickling Matthew, and he wouldn't stop pulling Jordan's hair. I could move through the mall so much quicker this way. I don't think Ian was all that impressed that I had a stroller stuffed with children ;-)

 

Sadly, I left the mall orange purse-less. The hunt continues.

 

We did some grocery shopping and when we got home I hung outside with the Littles for a bit. Matthew had endless fun running up and down the driveway, until he tripped and fell and the party was over. Jordan chalked up the driveway until SHE fell and we packed up and headed inside before I ended up falling as well ;-)

 

And now the Sunday evening blues are settling in.

 

I'm off to fold my laundry that I left to the last minute!

 



Catching Up

Oh my poor neglected little blog.

Gone are the days when I could blog about life every other day or so. Nowadays, there is so much happening all at once and I just never seem to make it here.

I'll do a quick drive by post.

Work is very busy and I think I've been handling this manager gig fairly well. I have a very heavy workload and the week goes by so quickly. I'm often still at the office at 6 or 6:30 at night which doesn't leave me much time with the children when I get home. I'm missing them, and they're missing me. 

Tomorrow Ian and I will celebrate our 17th wedding anniversary. We have weathered many storms together but we just keep getting stronger. So much love.

My course that I've been taking at my church since September ends next month. So many thoughts to share about this journey. Another day...

My sweet blog friends have been loving on me for a couple of months and last week just blew my mind and warmed my heart. THAT is definitely a blog post all on it's own. COMING SOON!

My sidebar pictures need to be updated.

I am so in love with my Ian.

Sam has been asked by the school to design a logo for t-shirts for the special education classes. He's very talented and I know he'll come up with something amazing. He's longing for school to end for the summer.

Julie reached a goal of hers this week and we're so proud of her. She is being noticed by the boys a lot lately. Not sure how I feel about that. Heck yeah I do... I don't like it!

Jordan is slaying us with her humour. She is working so hard to speak more clearly but some words she says just get me. She calls popcorn "pock-porn". She and I had some Mommy/Jordan time this week - a solo trip to the grocery store, and she told me three times how much she loved being with me. Afterwards we took Mattie to the park. She's been telling me every day how much she misses me while I'm at work. Oh my heart.

Matthew is a chatter. Sweet mercy. He doesn't make sense, but glory...it must be a never ending story because he's forever chattering away. He has inflections and raises his eyebrows while he talks, and it sounds as though he's asking questions. When I leave for the day he lifts his face for my kiss, and at the end of the day he comes running to give me a hug, and just melts into me, letting me cuddle him.

I have recently been introduced to SnapChat and I am addicted to sending pictures of stupid and random things to my friends.

I wish my cat wouldn't flick the litter all over the place when he does his business. So messy.

I'm on a mission to find an orange purse.

I'm going to try to blog more. I have a lot of things I want to talk about and I miss having this outlet.

But for now, I'm going to bed.

Book Review: Taylor's Gift

 

It was the last run of their first day on the slopes, the beginning of another great family vacation for Todd and Tara Storch and their three children. But when thirteen-year-old Taylor's life was tragically cut short in a skiing accident, the Storches were overcome by the devastating loss of their daughter. Still in shock, they were asked a question no parents ever think they will hear: "Would you be willing to donate Taylor's organs?"

 

Their answer would change their family's lives forever and provide comfort during their darkest moments. It would also save the lives of five desperate people anxiously waiting for a heart, a liver, a cornea, a pancreas, and a kidney.

 

This is a story of finding strength in God and creating good even in the darkest times.

 

It's a story of hope.

 

~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~

 

Beautifully written, Taylor's Gift is the story of the tightly knit Storch family, and their struggle for survival after the death of their first child, their daughter Taylor.

This book takes the reader through the first excruciating painful year without her, and their calling to create Taylor's Gift Foundation to teach others of the importance of organ donation.

Not only is this book written from Todd and Tara's perspective, but by the organ recipients as well. Tara longed to meet the woman who received Taylor's heart so she could hear it beating one last time, knowing that her daughter lived on. It was powerful and moving to read how both women were impacted by Taylor, and to know that these recipients would have a second chance at life because of her.

What I really appreciated most about this book was how it was written in such a way that I felt as though I got to know who Taylor was, and who the Storch family is. Their grief led them to the Lord, and He led them to start Taylor's Gift Foundation. He took the ashes of her daughter's death, and gave them beauty in the form of helping others.
 

  ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~

 

Book has been provided courtesy of Baker Publishing Group and Graf-Martin Communications, Inc. Available at your favourite bookseller from Revell, a division of Baker Publishing Group.