Book Review: Jesus Pure & Simple

Do you ever feel like you're being pulled in a million directions? Like you' re overwhelmed with various programs and ministries, or with studying the steps to good parenting or the best ways to share Jesus with your neighbors? These are all good things, but even good things can sometimes take us away from our number one responsibility--knowing Jesus better.

Wayne Cordeiro shares how to focus on the One who matters most and take part in the joy and fulfillment that He brings. But he also teaches how this leads to selflessness, a true love for others, and effective ministry. It will, in fact, change how you see the world around you.

When you focus on Christ, everything else falls into place. Your relationships. Your job. Your church. Your mission. It's all placed in the hands of Jesus, pure and simple.

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I have always admired how some people can take an any day event and draw a parallel to something from the bible. Author Wayne Cordeiro does just this.

It took me a couple of chapters before I felt myself enjoying this book. It has some great teachings in the early chapters, but it just didn't really capture me until the fourth chapter when things started to flow more smoothly. At this point he encourages us to really think about Jesus and who He was. To think of Him at specific times of His life. I stopped to ponder those things and it made Him more real to me.

One of the things the author talks about that struck me was the difference between isolation and solitude. I always thought they were the same thing. They're not. Isolation being when we need to just be alone, away from everyone because we're so tapped out. But solitude is a time set aside to be alone with the Lord, to be open to hearing what He is saying to us.

So many simple truths to get back to plain and simple truth about our Lord. It isn't about what we can or try to do for Him. It's about just being with Him in His presence. Encountering Him.

My favourite part of the entire book is when he talks about the Bedouin sheepherders that will break the leg of a lamb who continually strays. He will bandage it, and nurture the lamb until his healing is complete. By this point the relationship has changed; the lamb is now closer to the shepherd than ever. This has been on my mind since I first read it - how in my own life, I feel as though my Shepherd has broken a part of me so I will not stray again, and He is holding me close while I heal. And when it is all over, there will be a new intimacy. It will all be worth it.

I enjoyed this book so much that I will likely seek out other books written by this author.

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Book has been provided courtesy of Baker Publishing Group and Graf-Martin Communications, Inc.  Available at your favourite bookseller from Bethany House, a division of Baker Publishing Group

Some Pinterest Funnies

Fall 2012

5QF ~ October 26

So much for blogging more this week.

I thought about it. I've been thinking a lot about this blog lately. I love it, and I love that it has documented so much of my life but I just don't have the time for it anymore.  Bless those of you that still check in regularly.

The course I'm taking through my church is called Freedom Session and it's turning me inside out. I'm pulling out all the painful things in my life that I've stuffed down over the years and it feels brutal. My emotions are so raw and I feel so out of control. The course runs from Sept - June with a graduation at the end. So far I've only committed to December but I want to see this through. There's so much in my life that I need to let go of so I can be free to be who God created me to be. I told Ian tonight that this is either going to end up being a huge, colossal disaster, or something absolutely incredible.

On the plus side, I love being a part of a small group again. It feels really good. I'm trying to get over my intense dislike and inability to do small talk but it's hard. I'm very shy and never know what to say. Tomorrow night I'm going to a Ladies Game Night at the church so I'll have to prepare a few topics for this small talk business so I don't look like a moron.

In other news, we finally got our family photos done last Sunday! Everyone was in great spirits and we headed off to the conservation area to hang out for a couple of hours and take some pictures. Tons of people had the same idea. Afterwards we went to Downey's Farm to buy our pumpkins and a couple of pies. It was an absolutely perfect day and I felt so happy and recharged heading into another busy week.

The children are crazy excited for Halloween next week. Sam is going to go out with his friends like he did last year. This is probably his last year of trick or treating. Julie wants to go out with her friends (and a parent). I will take Jordan out and Ian will stay at the house and give out candy. I might take Matthew to a few houses until he gets tired.

Speaking of Matthew, he does the cutest thing now. The last thing I do before leaving for work each morning is to kiss and hug each of the children before heading out the door. Matthew hurries over and lifts his face to get his kiss too. This morning his face was lifted, eyes were closed and he had this huge smile on his face. That image kept me going all day.

Ok, time for Mama M's Five Question Friday blog meme!



1. Who wakes up in the morning with the kids, you or hubby?

I'm up before everyone else during the week, then Ian gets up and starts waking the kids to get ready for school. Some days, if time allows, I help out with this. On the weekends it's usually Ian.

Bless him.

2. Do you watch the World Series even if your team isn't in it?

Is this hockey we're talking about?

Just kidding. I know it's baseball.

I have zero interest in baseball, so no.

3. What is the best compliment you have ever received?

The best ones were/are when someone tells me I'm a great mom, or I have a lovely family. That always makes me feel proud.

Recently my manager told me I was among the best she's ever worked with.
 
:-)

4. Do/did you dress up to take your kids trick or treating?

I usually do. I have this inflated pumpkin costume I wear every year, but this year I might skip it. The fan that keeps it inflated blows cold air up my neck and gives me a chill the entire time I'm outside and I usually get sniffly for a few days afterwards.

Not to mention I look like a total ass walking around.

Ian always dresses up. Sam and Julie used to tell me I wasn't allowed to go out trick or treating with them unless I dressed up too.

5. Do you have a favourite Bible verse? What is it and why?

I have a few. They're the ones that have carried me over the last year, and continue to carry me as I work through Freedom Session.

I lift my eyes up to the hills - where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth.
~ Psalm 121:1-2

The Lord will fight for you, you need only to be still.
~ Exodus 14:14

Cast your cares on the Lord and He will sustain you. He will never let the righteous fall.
~ Psalm 55:22

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.
~ Jeremiah 29:11-13

Do not be afraid, for I am with you.
~ Isaiah 43:5

Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;
I have summoned you by name; you are mine.
When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned.
~ Isaiah 43:1-2

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Have a wonderful weekend!

Book Review: Nowhere But Up

"When you hit rock bottom, you have nowhere to go but up."

In Nowhere but Up, Pattie Mallette shares for the first time in detail about the pain and abandonment she experienced as a child, the sexual abuse she suffered for years, the severe depression she wrestled with as a teen, the deep struggles she faced as a single mom, and the faith she's learned to cling to through dark times.

With raw honesty, she spills the truth about a lifetime of moments that were punctuated by pain yet permeated with grace--and the journey that's brought her to where she is today.

*** It's not just teen moms who struggle or need to find hope. Whether you're a single mom, an addict, or a victim of abuse . . . whether you're on the verge of bankruptcy or the brink of divorce . . . whether you're in a dysfunctional family or the product of a broken home . . . whether you battle depression or struggle with anxiety . . . whether you live in fear or hide in shame . . . whether you've been abandoned, rejected, or ignored--there is hope. It doesn't matter where you find yourself today--broken, hurting, wounded, or shamed. If God can help me find my way up, I promise, He can do the same for you.

 

~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~

 

I had a hard time deciding if I wanted to review this book or not. I am not in any way a Justin Bieber fan, however I am a fan of stories of God's healing and redemption in the lives of His children. So, I decided to go for it.

I'll start by saying that I can certainly appreciate the difficulty she experienced as a young, single mother, and my heart sincerely hurt for her that she had experienced so much sexual abuse as a child. She didn't give up on herself, or her child, and she did whatever she had to do to ensure she could provide for him. For that, she gets my respect.

The book is basically two parts: the young Patti Mallette - struggling with the pain of sexual abuse, drug addiction and promiscuity, and then as teenage mother. Then it becomes her life as Justin Bieber's mother, and his rise to fame and less about her.

I don't know what I was expecting with this book, but I will say that I was disappointed by it. I kept waiting for "that moment" when she would talk about how God rescued her, or changed her life. I felt at times as though it was building to this big revelation, but it didn't happen. She spoke of it at times, but it was really watered down or glossed over. I didn't feel inspired or encouraged by her story. I felt sad for her for what she endured as a child, but I didn't feel sadness for her choice to do drugs or be promiscuous, thus resulting in a pregnancy.

I found this book to be an extremely quick read, and at times rather slow. Compared to other biographies I have read, this one had very simplistic writing and I felt it lacked something. Emotion, perhaps. It was a basic re-telling of her childhood and teen years, but it lacked sincere emotion.

I think her story could have been told better and come across as more inspirational if there was a stronger co-author behind it. Someone who could have told her story in a more inspiring way, to draw the reader in and truly feel for what she had experienced. Unfortunately it reads like a story about Justin Bieber's mom and how he got famous, when instead it could have been more about overcoming adversity and experiencing life-changing redemption. As a reader, I want to hear the voice of the "character" I'm reading. I didn't hear Pattie's voice in this book.

I won't be recommending this book to anyone, and I likely won't keep my copy. The truth is, Pattie's story is the same story as thousands of people - only she got a book deal out of it because of her son. Had she left out the majority of Justin's rise to fame and kept the book more about her it would have been a better read.

~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~  

 

"Book has been provided courtesy of Baker Publishing Group and Graf-Martin Communications, Inc.
Available at your favourite bookseller from Revell, a division of Baker Publishing Group". 

   

 

   

C-c-cold

Oh my word. It's getting chilly 'round these parts.

This morning I actually had to put the heat on in the car on my way to work.

I had to wear a sweater.

But I drew the line at socks.

Which I regretted about two blocks from the house.

Still no Fall family photos yet.

Hoping there's a trip to the pumpkin patch in our near future. Always a fun time. Each of the children pick their own pumpkin. Ian carves Sam and Julie's and Jordan draws on hers and Mattie's. I don't like the smell of pumpkins so I just watch.

Craving peach pie.

Scored some Essie nail polish for half price yesterday. Guess I was in the right place at the right time.

The kids are so excited for Halloween. Sam is going as a steam punk guy, Julie is going to be a nerd and Jordan is going as Tinkerbell.  We're trying to find a hulk costume for Matthew. I saw one I liked but I can't remember where. We still have time.

Sam introduced me to Dubstep tonight. I liked it.

So tired tonight. Everything feels like an effort.

Time to do my course homework and get some sleep.

5QF ~Oct 13

Hello poor, neglected, little blog.

Hello sweet readers who keep coming back even though there's nothing new to read.

I've got a bit of the blues these days. Feeling super stressed at work, even though I only had to work two days this week. Lots of pressure to make up for the time I've been off. I don't know how much longer I can handle this pressure, but I'll keep going as long as I have to. God gives me what I need for each day and I am thankful for that.

The course I'm taking at the church is challenging me, and it hurts. I'm taking a good, hard look at myself and I really don't like what I see. The course also requires me to revisit old wounds and that really, really, sucks. I'm feeling a little exposed emotionally and I don't like it. Not one bit. I'm taking it one step at a time and trusting in the process. Hopefully I'll be a better me when it's over.

Today we're hoping to get our Fall family photos done. I'm not one of those moms that make the family go dressed all matchy-matchy. Everyone chooses what they want to wear - it's a representation of their own personal style at the time. Somehow it always comes together and we have a photo we really love.

Matthew has finally realized that he can get places faster by walking, so that's all he wants to do now. It's been so much fun watching him become more comfortable with his legs. He used to have to crawl over to something to pull himself up after falling but now he can do it from anywhere. This morning I watched him squat down to pick something up and then stand up again. Brilliant.

Once again I'm late for Mama M's Five Question Friday blog hop.


1. Did you have any homecoming traditions?

I had no idea what this was and have always wondered. So, yesterday I took to The Twitter and asked. Turns out this is an American thing, something about going back to your highschool and wearing ribbons and cow bells or something. My lack of desire to return to highschool is matched only by my lack of desire to wear cow bells.

I don't get it.

2. Do you ask your spouse before spending money?

Always. It's a matter of respect. I don't care if it's a book I'm buying or an iPad, I always check first.

3. If you could be famous for something what would it be?
 
I think this was my question that I submitted to Mama M for this week. Oddly enough, I don't want to be famous. But, being famous almost always comes with financial security and that's something that's important to me.

If I was going to be famous for something then I'd like it to be related to my faith.

Either writing a book or speaking with Women of Faith. Something like that.

4. Have you ever seriously thought you were going crazy?

Yes. 

5. How do you eat your steak? Burger? (as in, well done, medium, still moo-ing...)

I like my steak rare, but not bleeding, and I like my burgers medium-well. Often when they're bbq'd well it's done too much for my liking.

Ok there you have it.

I'm off to finally get dressed and to enjoy the afternoon with my family.

Happy Saturday!

Thanksgiving Weekend

I'm loving this Thanksgiving weekend. It's a lot colder than I was expecting, so we haven't been able to do our Fall family photos yet. I'm hoping tomorrow is the day.

Yesterday Ian and I went to see Looper at the movie theatre. I really liked it even though I was confused half the time. While I enjoy time travel type movies, I'm easily lost.

Ian has had an awful earache for the last few days. He tried blowing warm air into his ear, mineral oil and hot compresses but it kept getting worse. He has an exceptionally high pain tolerance, so for him to admit he was in pain really worried me. It got so bad overnight that he ended up in the ER this morning at about 5:30 am. The doctor said his ear was severely infected and prescribed drops, antibiotics and painkillers. He said if it wasn't better by tomorrow that he'd have to go back for an IV.  I'm praying hard that he feels better in the morning.

This morning I stood staring at my defrosted turkey, trying to remember the cooking instructions my mother gave me. I cut off the packaging and reached in to pull out the bag that's supposed to hold all the turkey guts but it wasn't there. But its neck was and I had to pull it out. Revolting. The missing bag was up its hiney which was revolting times two. My mom had told me to make sure I rinsed it out well but what does that mean really? Five minutes? Ten minutes? I didn't know but I ended up giving that bird a bath. I washed it all over and rubbed its gross body until I was sure there weren't any germs left.

I couldn't remember what time I needed to put it in the oven and I couldn't reach my mother, so I decided to tweet for help. I said I had a 3.28 kg turkey and need to know how long to cook it if I wanted to eat at 6pm. There were a lot of smart Alec's on the twitter today making fun of my teeny tiny anorexic turkey. Turns out my turkey was $3.28/kg and actually weighed approximately 16 lbs. apparently I can't read.

Ian's best friend came for dinner and we had such a lovely time together. Afterwards we had a great talk about God's goodness and shared a lot of laughs. My cheeks are still aching. I cleaned up the kitchen and put the girls to bed and finally crashed in bed to watch Revenge.

I am blogging on my iPad tonight. I started out thinking this was the best thing ever but now my fingers hurt and there's a ton of spelling mistakes I'll need to fix so I'm not as impressed as I was at the beginning. Then Ian tells me I could have dictated this entire post to Siri and she would have typed it in for me. Next time, Siri...

Happy Thanksgiving to all my Canadian friends!

5QF ~ Oct 5

I can hardly believe we are now into October. Unreal. Where has this year gone??

I love this time of year. I was in the littles' bedroom this morning when I was hit with a wave of sadness as I thought about our old house. My kitchen had these huge windows and I would watch the sun set over the ravine across the street as I washed the dinner dishes. I never grew tired of that gorgeous view. It was beautiful in the fall. I miss many things about our old home, but that view is at the top of my list.

I had just picked up Matthew when I looked up and saw the tree outside the window, its leaves a bright yellow. When I was pulling out of the driveway I looked up at the tree once more and only the leaves facing our house had turned colour. The rest were normal. I felt as though God gave me a new view to look at to take my sadness away. In fact, every tree I passed on my way to work today was a bit brighter than I noticed a couple of days before.

Julie's dance class went well this week. I brought Jordan and Matthew with me to give Ian a bit of quiet time at home. I discovered that if I took Jordan outside to play in the park I could spy on Julie's class. They did 30 minutes of warm-up and 15 minutes of actual dance instruction. I was a little annoyed.

Wednesday night was my course at the church. I grabbed a sandwich on my way home and ate it before heading off to the church. My stomach felt weird as I was leaving and I figured I ate too fast. I felt worse as the evening wore on, but I thought that was just because I was feeling emotional about the topic. By the time I got home I was a mess. I had chills and was shaking all over. Ian put about five blankets on me but I couldn't get warm. I ended up missing work on Thursday which I hated doing. I spent the entire day in bed, sleeping off whatever bug I had. I had to be in the office today because the manager was on a vacation day but I was longing for the end of the day and to be home. Normally I take the little ones out on Friday nights but tonight we just hung out at home. I love those Lifetime movies of the week. We don't get them here in Canada and we don't get Hallmark movies either. Bummer. But tonight I was so desperate to watch one that I watched it in increments on YouTube. What can I say.

Hopefully I'll feel back to my usual self this weekend.

BECAUSE!!

It's Thanksgiving weekend!! I'm cooking a turkey on Sunday and it's going to be awesome. Ian bought the turkey last night and I've been teasing him by saying it's the size of a fat baby. He bought a nicer one than I was going to buy. I figured I'd get some no-name brand utility turkey.

Ian and I are going on a date tomorrow afternoon to see a movie. So excited. Monday I'm going to visit with my lovely Mama. I'm happy to spend the next few days with all the people I love.

Ok. Enough chit chat - I need to get to bed.

But first... it's Mama M's Five Question Friday blog hop time!

1. What album/cd/download are you embarrassed to admit you have?

Nothing. I have awesome taste in music no matter what Ian says.

2. What's the one thing your spouse does better than you?

Only one, huh? He's better at choosing to see the good in people than I am.

(And he's more patient and makes a better cup of tea than I ever will)

3. When do you start buying Halloween Candy?

The week before the 31st I guess. I try not to buy it too early because I don't need the temptation.

4. Family closets - yay or nay?

That's a big fat NAY.

First of all, who has a whole extra room they can dedicate to becoming a closet to hold the whole family's clothes? And even if you did...really? Is it that hard to deliver a basket of clothing to a person's room and then put it away? Rooms generally have closets in them, and if they don't - like my Sam - then you get an extra dresser or a hook for the door or something.

I'll admit it, I roll my eyes at the whole family closet concept. I think it's lazy and it's a waste of space.

5. Which home/cleaning chore do you hate the most? Why?

I hate sweeping and washing the floors. It's a chore that needs to be done everyday with kids and a dog and it's annoying. And then people wear their shoes in the house which is disrespectful on top of disrespectful.

Short answer: Floors

Ok that's it. I'm going to bed!

Book Review: What a Difference a Mom Makes

Boys will be boys--always.

And no one has a more powerful impact on them than you, Mom.

Surprise! Your boy wants to please you, and he cares deeply about what you think. Those driving needs will stay with him throughout his lifetime. That gives you, Mom, a lot of influence over your son. You can set him up for success in life.

In What a Difference a Mom Makes, the New York Times bestselling author Dr. Kevin Leman reveals how you can make a positive imprint on your son--from the moment you first hold him in your arms until the moment he leaves for college. And the best news? It's never too late to start, no matter what age your son is now.

Through Dr. Leman's expert advice, you'll understand who your son is on the inside, the truth behind sibling squabbles (and how to handle them), a secret for discipline that works every time, and how to navigate the critical teen years. You'll also discover how your parenting style impacts your relationship with your son and how you can respond in a healthy way to his growing interest in sex and relationships.

Want to capture your boy's heart? Want a man you'll be proud to call your son? You can make a difference, because you are the one who matters most in your boy's world.

Even if he won't admit it.

 

~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~

If you've  been reading my blog for any length of time, then you know I'm very blessed to have four children, two of which are boys. So I definitely couldn't pass up the opportunity to review this book. I was pretty excited for it to arrive.

I enjoy a very good relationship with my 13 year old son, Sam. We communicate well with each other and we share the same sense of humour. While he knows I'm a softie, he is careful not to take advantage of that, and he is very respectful of me. I cannot tell you how thankful I am that he is the way he is. I want to ensure that I do everything I can as his mother to raise him up through the difficult teen years into a good man. It is my hope that Matt and I will share the same close relationship as he grows older.

One of the many things I liked about this book is that it isn't geared towards a particular age group of boys. The author touches on each stage of life, from birth right through to college. He shares what is important to boys, how they think, and what they long for. The best thing they long for? To make their mom happy!

Many times I'd read something that would get me thinking, and I'll ask Sam if that was true, or something he felt or wondered about. It opened up a few really great conversations.

The author talks about how to raise your son to be respectful to you, and to his siblings. When to stop doing things for them so they learn to do them for themselves, when and how to talk about drinking, drugs and sex. How to treat a girl, and definitely how not to treat a girl. He covers temper tantrums, positive reinforcement, how to let go and how birth order plays a role.

I was pleased to discover that many of the things a mother should be doing are things I'm already doing, but I still learned so much. I want to still have strong relationships with Sam and Matt even after they are married and have families of their own.

I've always been so thankful to be married to a wonderful man like my Ian. He is respectful of me, affectionate and encouraging. He helps around the house and willingly changes diapers and goes grocery shopping. He is devoted to God and lives that out every day. Our sons have a great example to follow. It's easy to feel as though I don't have as big an impact on them being their mother. After reading this book I realized that my role as their mother is equally as important. And in some areas, even more so.

I will definitely keep this book on my bookshelf and recommend it to anyone who is blessed to have boys.

~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~

"Book has been provided courtesy of Baker Publishing Group and Graf-Martin Communications, Inc.
Available at your favourite bookseller from Revell, a division of Baker Publishing Group".

Book Review: My Journey to Heaven

An unforgettable trip to the gates of heaven and back

As Marv Besteman lay in a hospital bed, visions of celestial beauty were the last thing on his mind. He had just had surgery to remove a rare pancreatic tumor. Alone after visiting hours ended, Marv tossed and turned, wanting more than anything else to simply sleep and escape the excruciating pain and misery for a while.

He was about to have an experience he never could have imagined--and could never forget.

In My Journey to Heaven, Marv Besteman shares the true story of his experience of heaven with astounding detail. You'll meet the angels who accompanied him to the gate, overhear his conversation with St. Peter, and feel the joy as he recognizes friends and family members who touched his life.

If you are grieving the loss of a loved one, or even if you just wonder about what happens after we die, you'll find peace, comfort, and encouragement in Marv's story.

~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~

 

 

Do you ever wonder what Heaven will be like? I'm pretty sure everyone has at some point or another, especially those who have lost a loved one.

 

Occasionally my mind will wander and I'll wonder about it. I'll try to imagine what it would feel like to see Jesus face to face. To hear Him speak my name. To feel Him hold my hand. To see my father again, and my grandmother. My old school friend. My baby.

 

My Journey to Heaven was written by a man who claimed to have been taken to Heaven for about a half an hour, before it was discovered that he was there by mistake. Right from the get go he lost me as a reader. Still, I continued to read with as open a mind as I could manage.

 

The author didn't die and go to Heaven for this experience. Rather he was laying in a hospital bed in excruciating pain, dozing on and off, when two angels appeared in his room and took him to Heaven. He talks about what he saw through a glass wall, talking to (and arguing with!) Peter to be let in, and then his subsequent return to earth.

 

His account of Heaven wasn't anything I had ever read or heard about before. He talks of seeing babies of all ages and stages of formation, just floating around. A long line of people ahead of him waiting to be allowed inside. The colours he saw, the way the angels looked. And then, the revelation that he was there by mistake.

 

As if God would make that mistake!

 

Who am I to say that he never saw Heaven? Maybe God did show him a preview. The author is very quick to say that you can believe him or not, he knows his truth.

 

I found the entire story hard to swallow and took it as an easy read of fiction. I was distracted by the continual digression from the point of the book, cliches and repetition. I didn't enjoy this book at all. The back of the book says the reader will find peace, comfort and encouragement after reading the author's story. I don't feel any of these things. Rather I feel disturbed. It didn't sound like anything I've ever read in the Bible.

 

I never like to give a negative review, but I have to be honest and say that I will not be recommending this book to anyone.

 

~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~  

"Book has been provided courtesy of Baker Publishing Group and Graf-Martin Communications, Inc.
Available at your favourite bookseller from Revell, a division of Baker Publishing Group".

5QF ~ Sept 29 (And Other Stuff)

I had all these great plans to blog this week and I just never found the time or energy. This week was month end and the stress and pressure was even heavier this month. I was working late each night but it wrapped up yesterday and I'm relieved. I collected close to $1.2 million this month and I think that's a record for me.

 

Tuesday night I took Julie to her dance class and had 45 glorious minutes alone to read quietly. 

 

Wednesday night I joined a new study at my church called Freedom Session. It runs through to the Spring with a graduation at the end. I tried taking it last Fall but my emotions were so raw and I was just so empty. Everything in me was screaming GET OUT! GET OUT! I just couldn't go back. But this year I'm going to do it. I am carrying around a lot of junk in my heart that doesn't need to be there. I'm scared to pull it all out and deal with it, but my longing to be free is bigger than my fears. I've committed until Christmas, but have every hope of continuing on.

 

Last night Ian and the big kids had youth group, so the littles and I walked to Mac's to get slushies. After we returned home and put Matt to bed, Jordan and I watched a movie together tucked in my bed. I love having that sweet time with her. She tells me I'm the best mom ever.

 

Isn't that the sweetest? She has no frame of reference to determine that I am the best, but I am because she says so. I love it.

 

This morning I took Matthew to get his first haircut. Two thoughts ran through my mind as I held my little guy on my lap. The first was that I was watching his babyness disappear right in front of my eyes. The second was that I'd never seen anyone cut hair as fast as this guy did. Matthew was looking all around and squirming and this guy just went with it. He was all over Matthew's head at once, it seemed.

 

Here's the before and after.

 

 

He is ridiculously cute and loves hearing everyone telling him that today.

 

This afternoon we're going over to my mom's to visit. My sister is visiting as well, so that will make it extra special. Sam is going to the mall to meet up with some friends for a bit, and Ian and the girls will meet up with him a little later to walk around together. Tonight is Family Movie Night and we're going to watch The Avengers.

 

Thanksgiving is next weekend and I'm going to cook a turkey. I think I've only cooked two in my life but I had success each time. Hopefully this will be just as good. I'm going to get the kids involved and give everyone something to do so that when we're all sitting at the table at dinnertime, everyone will feel as though they contributed. I love Thanksgiving and I'm super excited that this year I can afford a turkey!

 

I love how our lives have changed. God is good to us.

 

Ok! It's time for my sweet friend Mama M's Five Question Friday!

      1. Do you prefer to drive to your vacation spot or fly?

I prefer to drive. That way there's no chance I might, you know, fall out of the sky or crash. I've seen LOST. I know what can happen.

Aside from the whole crashing thing, I don't like flying because I'm terrified of heights and I'm claustrophobic. So when you put them together you get a freaked out Kate. Not to mention the luggage limit/losing my luggage, pat downs and scans at the airport.

When I drive I can take what I want, get out when I want and I won't fall out of the sky.

2. If you could live any where in the world, where would you go and why?

I'd like to live in Florida. I really like it there.

3. Should grown women wear leggings?

I don't know. I guess it depends on how they're worn. If someone is wearing them as pants then no. But if you have a long sweater over them, I guess. I'm fashion-challenged. I just don't want to see butts. Cover them up, ladies. And remember, just because something fits doesn't mean it should be worn.

Just sayin.

4. If you could change your name to any other name, would you? And what would it be?

No. I like the name Kate. It suits me and I don't meet a lot of other Kates around. My full name is Kathryn but I'm a Kate.

5. What magazines to you have subscriptions to?

Today's Parent and Chatelaine. I get them for a $1 each but seldom read them. But that doesn't stop me from getting excited when they arrive in the mail.

Alright, I'm off to enjoy this beautiful Saturday. Have a great weekend!

5QF ~ September 23

Oh Sunday evening... why did you have to sneak up on me like this??

Pox on you.

This past week seemed to fly by. Julie started her dance class on Tuesday. She was a little bummed they didn't do more dancing but it was the first night. She's hopeful it will go better this week. I'm looking forward to driving her every week because that means 45 glorious minutes of alone time. Yee haw!

I met my friend Cindy's new baby. He wasn't even a week old yet! So soft and squishy and made these adorable little creaky noises. It's been awhile since I've held a newborn so I was a little nervous. And the best part? No baby fever!!

GO KATE!

Ian had the junior high youth leaders over on Thursday for a game night, and I took the children to the open house at the school to meet their teachers and hear about the curriculum for the upcoming year. They each chose a book from the book fair and then we went for ice cream.

Yesterday Ian and I went on a date to see Resident Evil and out for dinner. We're trying to make time for just the two of us, even if it's only a quick cup of tea at Tim Hortons.

Today we made a huge purchase. For me. And my stomach hurts thinking about it, but I'm just so excited about it. I bought an iPad. Ian's loaded it up for me and I'm looking forward to trying everything out. He loves his and is convinced I will love mine. It's white with a pink protective case. Just like my iPhone.

This week at work will be very busy as it's month end. The pressure last month was unreal so at least I'm a little more prepared as to what to expect this time around.

I finally went to see my doctor this week as I've been feeling so lousy lately. He sent me for a ton of blood work and I'm having an ultrasound on Thursday. I haven't heard anything from his office so I'm assuming I'm not at death's door like the Google said I was. I just feel so run down and stressed out. I often feel anxious and as though I'm about to throw up. It's super annoying.

I'm very late for Mama M's Five Question Friday but I don't care. I'm participating anyway.
 
Let's go!

1. What is one grammar issue you cannot let go without correction?

I don't correct people's grammar because I think that would be incredibly rude. I just flinch inwardly and let it go. An exception, of course, is my children. I try not to be critical but gently remind them of the current tense.

Certain things make my eye twitch. I have a friend that will say "he hanged up on me!" and it kills me. Another one says "the floor needs washed". I can't stand double negatives either. Ain't isn't a word, yet I hear it all the time.

Still, I don't correct the way someone speaks because it's rude.

2. What's your favorite thing about fall?

The cooler air, the colours of the leaves, pies and stews, warm sweaters, Thanksgiving, our fall family photos, Hallowe'en.

3. What's your favourite dish to take to a potluck?

I'll often offer to bring a dessert because I enjoy baking more than I enjoy cooking. If I'm super busy then I'll buy something but if I have the time I'll pour through my recipes to find something I think people will like.

4. When do you start Christmas shopping?

Any time after December 1st.

5. Did you move homes a lot growing up?

No. We lived in our first house until I was 14, then we moved to the city I'm in now. I lived there with my mother and sister until I married Ian at 25. We lived in an apartment for a year, then moved back into my mother's home for a year and half while our house was being built, and then lived in that house for 13 years. And as you know, we sold that house in June and have been living here since June 29th.

Ok, that's that. I need to go and do my nails and then play on my new iPad.

Anyone have any suggestions for "must have" apps?

Have a great week!

I'm Still Alive

Lately, I think I may have forgotten I have a blog. Always lots of things going on here and not much time to write about them. Between working and home life there isn't much Kate Time left over. I'm really trying to be more present in the lives of my children to make up for the hours I'm away.

Yesterday Sam and I took a mini road trip to Simcoe for him to visit with some friends of his. It was nice to have that time together and we talked about all sorts of things. He's a very interesting guy.

This morning I just about lost my mind on the way to church. Ever smell something that no one else can? Annoying. Well I could smell something funky and I kept sniffing my shirt to make sure it wasn't me. Turns out the right shoulder of my shirt was the culprit. I have no idea what was going on there because it was a clean shirt from my drawer. It distracted me all through the sermon because I kept sniffing my shoulder to see if the smell had gone away. It hadn't. So weird.

I got my hair done this weekend. Had the colour touched up and a little trim. She straightened it for a change and I felt pretty smokin'.

My friend Cindy had her baby on Friday. He looks so cute in his pictures and I can't wait to smell his little baby head.

Julie starts dance this week. I wish I could go with her because one of my dreams is to be a hip hop dancer but apparently I'm not invited. Well then.

Matthew had his check up this past week and is 26 lbs 15 oz of sheer perfection. He didn't like his shots at all. Well now that's an obvious thing to say, isn't it. I've yet to meet someone who loves getting shots.

There's some porn star that's started a blog called Katee Life and I've been getting tons of hits from people looking for her. I'm sure they're very disappointed to land on the blog of a Christian mommy blogger.

This is a pretty lame drive by post, but my mind is all over the place right now and my stomach is hurting so I'm going to sign off for tonight.

5QF ~ September 7

 

Hello Friday!

 

Tonight Ian, Sam and Julie will head up north for our church's Fall youth retreat. It's Julie's first one and she's so excited. I'll miss them all so much but my hands will be full in their absence with the two littles to keep me busy! I'm looking forward to lots of cuddles and playtime this weekend.

 

And early bedtimes... let's be honest here.

 

I don't know what's going on with my mouth these last couple of days but there's an excess of saliva going on and I'm worried my tongue is going to drown or something. So gross. I checked WebMD and it  turns out I'm dying.

 

Oh boy.

 

Well, I can't sit here chit chatting with you all day... I need to get to work. So let's get this Five Question Friday started!

   

1. What is your favorite fall family tradition?

 

Definitely our fall family photos. No one ever wants to do them but me and it usually ends up being a frustrating time for everyone. But it's all worth it to get that one great wall-worthy shot. I love seeing our family growing year after year.

 

2. If money weren't an issue, how many kids would you have?

 

For me it isn't so much the money aspect, it's my age and my ability to split myself up to give each child what he/she needs. I love having four children but I don't think I could handle more. I'm pretty stretched as it is.

 

3. If you were to get a tattoo, what would it be and where would you put it?

 

I've really been thinking about getting a tattoo for several months now. I'd love to have Choose Joy tattooed across the top of my right foot, along the edge. Or maybe a verse. It would need to be in a place that could be covered when I wanted it to be. I figure when I'm 90 years old I'll still be ok with a Choose Joy reminder on my foot ;-)

 

4. What condiment is a must in your house?

 

Oh my gosh KETCHUP.  Heaven forbid we run out of ketchup. Or as Jordan calls it, "kepitch".  

 

5. How did your spouse/fiance propose?

 

That's a long and beautiful story, ending up with him on one knee just as I'd always dreamed.

 

Best question he ever asked ;-)

 

~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~  

That's a wrap! Head on over to Mama M's blog My Little Life to join in on the fun and meet some other awesome bloggers!

Back To School And Stuff

 Today the children returned to school. While I'm sad the summer is over, I'm relieved to fall back into our regular schedule.

We headed out early this morning to take back to school photos on my mother's front porch as per our tradition. The kids also like to see their Gram before heading off as well.

Jordan doesn't officially start until tomorrow, but we dressed her up in her first day of school outfit so she could be a part of the family porch photo.

 

 

We couldn't leave Matthew out! 

 



 

 

He didn't know or care what was going on. Look at his face. Ha. 

Both Sam and Julie are pleased with their teachers and they each have friends in their classes. Always a good thing. Sam has assignments due on Friday and did one tonight to get it out of the way. Who is this kid?

Tomorrow Jordan goes to school for a 30 minute orientation. I did her nails for her tonight at her request and she's laid out her dress to wear again tomorrow. She's so excited and so nervous at the same time. I hope she isn't too shy tomorrow. Next week she goes for two mornings only, and then the week after that she goes every morning.

This past weekend was really nice. I did everything I wanted to do. Friday night Sam and I went shopping and out for ice cream. We brought a pizza home for dinner and we all watched a movie together.

Saturday morning Ian had another garage sale and  I met up with my mom at bingo. Neither of us won, although my mom got pretty close a couple of times. Sam has been asking and asking for me to take him to my mom's to visit, so we went over for most of the afternoon. I think Sam enjoys visiting my mom as much as I do!

Saturday night Ian and I went out for dinner. We went to a lovely restaurant not too far from the house and just enjoyed being together. I ordered this three cheese spinach appetizer thing and it was so good. And then I bit into something that was so hot I thought my eyes would fall out. Nothing I ate or drank would make the burning stop. What a nightmare! Ian just laughed at me. After dinner we did the most romantic thing ever - we went to Walmart where I bought some new nail polish and lipstick.

Sunday we went to church and afterwards Ian took Sam, Julie and Jordan shopping for the last few items they needed for school. Matthew and I took a nap.

On Monday we invited the neighbourhood kids over for ice cream to celebrate the end of summer.

A perfect weekend.

Did I mention we bought a second car? Well we did. We bought it from a family in our church and I really like it. I feel more comfortable driving it than I do the van. I can actually park this vehicle! Ian and I have been enjoying taking turns with it over the last few days and it's a very comfortable ride to work.

Ok, I need to wrap this rambling up and get to bed.

Thoughts

It's late on Sunday night, and I'm sitting in my favourite spot in my whole house - my recliner in my bedroom. The window is open and there is a lovely breeze coming in. I can hear the crickets outside.

I'm soaking up my family this weekend, and all the safe feelings I have whenever I'm at home with my people.

It was a hard week. Probably the hardest week I've experienced at this job so far. Lots of tears on the way to work...and lots of tears on the way home. Pretty much every day.

I work in the credit and collections department of a very large company. My workload is exceptionally heavy and there is an incredible amount of expectation and pressure to produce results.

This past week I had a customer scream at me for a half hour over the phone. I've been hung up on, sworn at, lied to repeatedly, and complained about. I had to do client site visits to pick up cheques so they would be deposited in our bank for month end. Micro managed to work harder, apply pressure to our clients, negotiate payment plans, resolve problems, hold orders, threaten, beg, plead.

It was exhausting.

And it's not me.

While I continue to remain thankful to have employment, I have to wonder why God put me there of all places. He knows I'm not hard core like that, so why would He put me there?

I don't get it.

A few months ago, when I shared that I was offered a short-term assignment at this company, someone left me a comment on my blog - anonymously of course - that really hurt me. I didn't publish it because I just didn't want that negativity on my blog, nor did I respond to it here because I didn't want them to have the satisfaction of knowing their words hurt.

But they did.

Very much, in fact. Because even though the comment was posted anonymously, I know who left it.

We call each other friend.

And to you, friend, I say this.

You judged me for taking this job, accused me of bringing darkness home to my family, and said that a good mother stays home with her children where they are needed. You even threw in a dig about my husband, asking why he didn't provide for our family instead of me.

You read my blog regularly. I see you show up in my statcounter. You know the hell we have walked through in the last year and half. You knew how battered and broken we were. You read my posts where I talked about how hard my husband was looking for work after he was laid off. Yet in spite of all of that, you chose to kick me when I was down.

Let me tell you what a good mother does, friend. She puts the needs of her family first. She willingly goes to a job that takes almost everything out of her, every day, because she loves her family. She shows her daughters that there is more to her than cooking, cleaning and changing diapers. She shows her sons that wives are equal to their husbands and are fully capable of sharing the load of providing. She is a helper and encourager to her husband. I'm sad that you don't see the benefits my husband and children reap by having him as the stay-at-home parent, and that you don't afford him the same respect you would for a mother. Fathers are equally as capable of caring for their children and homes as mothers are.

Do I bring your accused darkness home to my family? I try my hardest not to. I cry it out on my way home. I'll stop in an empty schoolyard, crying and praying that I won't bring any heaviness home. Sometimes I fail miserably, but I won't ever stop trying.

Being at home doesn't make me a good mother, and working doesn't make me a bad one. I do my very best every day - be it at home or in an office - to love and provide for my children, to let them know they are valued and precious and so loved.

I'm so sad that you felt you had to say those things - and more - to me. I would have had more respect for you had you signed your name to them.

I have something to say to you in return.

I forgive you.

I'm sorry that you felt you had to attack me. I'm sure you had your reasons. Maybe you stand by the words you wrote. It doesn't matter, because I'm choosing to forgive you. I will continue to banter with you, and encourage you and pray for you. I just wanted you to know that I know it was you and you are forgiven.

And on that note, I'm letting go of this and I'm going to bed.

End of the Weekend Rambling Thoughts

My four days at home are over. Back to work tomorrow.

I completely forgot about my job while I was home. For the life of me I can't remember my password to log into my computer. Tomorrow morning should be interesting.

Ian and Sam had a fantastic time at FanExpo. I'm so glad they went and had that guy-time together. Ian brought home tons of stuff for the children.

And for me.

Like Lou Ferrigno's AUTOGRAPH!!!

Eeeeee!!

Ian won lots of stuff too, and met several actors he likes. And saw the DeLorean from the Back to the Future movies.

I loved pretending I was a stay-at-home mom again. I've done so many loads of laundry this weekend that I've lost count. Of course I left my own to the very end, and now I can't go to sleep until the last load goes in the dryer.

Oh Kate.

I went through the Littles' clothes and pulled out all their outgrown stuff and washed and put away all the next sizes. I have two big bags plus a box for donation. Usually I cry when I do this task, but this time around I didn't feel a thing.

Matthew is walking more and more on his own. Sometimes he pushes my hand away and tries to go longer on his own. Today he fell against the corner of the coffee table and banged his eye. He's no worse for the wear, and his eye looks just fine.

I managed to break two glasses in one day.

We've found a second car that we'd like to buy. Hoping to nail that down this week.

Julie had some one-on-one time with my mom last night. They baked cookies and brownies together. She's so thankful for that special time with her Gram. I am too.

The children have one last week of summer vacation left. I hope at the end of it they will feel rested for their return. Sam will be entering the 8th grade, Julie is going into the 6th grade and our Jordan, as you know, will be starting junior kindergarten. I'm very happy that their school is one of the few remaining schools that offer half-day classes for JK. A full day of school for a small four year old is too much in my opinion.

I'm feeling very heavy hearted tonight. Life feels backwards. I feel in my heart that I belong at home, yet I'm not. Ian longs to be back working, but he isn't. We each want to be in the other's shoes.

Always, always, always....we are grateful for this new life. Thankful for this chance to rest and breathe and start over. We never would have made it to this place without God's grace, mercy and provision. The wait was long and painful and scary, but He brought us to a place we never could have imagined.

Time for bed.

5QF ~ August 24

 

It's Friday afternoon and the sun is streaming in through every window. I am at home, and I am happy. Ian and Sam are attending FanExpo and I took yesterday and today off work to hold down the fort here.

 

I've missed this so much more than I could ever express. This is where my heart is. Changing diapers, fixing peanut butter sandwiches, wiping noses, serving juice, putting littles down for their naps. I'm just soaking it all in.

 

Happy.

 

Last weekend I took the children shopping for back to school stuff. It didn't take Jordan very long to get into the swing of clothes shopping. For the most part her clothes are either hand-me-downs, which I'm fine with, or given as gifts. It was fun to see her choosing things she liked and wanted to wear. Sam found a cool pair of shoes and a couple of shirts, and Julie chose a couple of lightweight sweaters and a tank to wear underneath. Jordan found her much dreamed of, overly talked about, backpack. I think you could have heard her "that's the one Mom!" all through the mall. Apparently I'm the best mom ever for buying it.

 

Every time I stood at the cash register to pay, I was reminded of how different last year's back to school shopping was, and that Texas sized knot in the pit of my stomach as I worried about how I would pay the credit card bill. I am so thankful for the financial freedom we have now. We didn't go overboard, but it was a sweet relief to know I could buy them what they needed.

 

After nineteen years together as a single-car couple, Ian and I are now actively searching for a second car.  We need something to get me to and from work that is easier on gas, so that Ian will have the van to take the children to and from school and for errands. We've looked at a few used ones and have a rough idea of what we want and what we don't want. I said I wanted something with four doors, didn't stink, and wasn't silver, gold or yellow.

We checked out a couple of lots yesterday and one was really, really run down. One car we looked at nearly knocked me over by the smell when Ian opened the door for me to get inside. "No." I said, looking at him. I wasn't even concerned with my manners, I was so grossed out. I fell in love with a two door, bright yellow (two of my "no" items on the list) Sunfire. The longer I sat in it, the more it seemed like the best idea ever. I wasn't thinking about whether it was practical, or that I'm old, or that I have a herd of children. Ian wasn't saying anything and then I asked, "Oh my gosh, am I having a mid-life crisis??" He didn't sugar coat his yes.

Whew. That was close.

 

Julie signed up for dance classes starting next month. She's been wanting to take a hip hop class for ages now, so I'm really happy she can do it now.

 

In just a couple of weeks, both Sam and Julie will be going away on the junior high youth retreat with Ian and the youth group. It'll just be the littles and me. 7pm bedtimes for all of us!!

 

Matthew hasn't walked on his own again, the lazy bum. He does, however, love to walk holding on to my hand. Such a sweet boy.

 

Ok, time for Five Question Friday and then I'm off to play with my littles in the backyard!

 

    1. If you could have been (could be) any profession you wanted (brains and $$$ no problem) what would it be?

I used to want to be a lawyer when I grew up. But if I had pursued that career, I wouldn't have the life I have now, and I wouldn't want to miss out on that for the world.

2. How often do you clean out your car?

Never. However, Ian and the big kids do it every week or so.

3. Do you wish there was such a thing as fashion police or are you deeply relieved?

There needs to be some sort of fashion police fo sho.

Socks and sandals? Strapless dresses with bra straps? Invisible bra straps? Jeggings?

Oh yes. We need some sort of control here, people.

4. What's your go to food/drink/activity when stressed?

There is something about a hot cup of tea that just makes life better.

5. If you had twins, what would you name them?

Names I love right now are Amy and Joe.

That's it! Head on over to Mama M's blog My Little Life to join in on the fun and meet some other awesome bloggers!

Big Day

Today was very exciting at our place - Matthew took his first steps!

I had just arrived home from the office and immediately went to see him in his playpen. Ian said Mattie had the beginnings of a cold so I wanted to check him out and cuddle him for a bit. He was so squirmy so I put him down to walk him around a bit but he let go of my fingers and took a couple of steps toward Ian all by himself.

!!!

He's brilliant!!

Of course, as soon as he realized he was going solo he dropped to his knees, laughing. I stood him up again and he took a couple more steps before sitting down. He looked mighty pleased with himself.

I was so afraid that I would miss his first steps while I was at work, but not two minutes after arriving home, he did it. My friend Laura said it was as though he was waiting for me.

Such a sweet, unexpected, blessing tonight.

He's certainly a busy boy when he's just crawling.... but once he gets the hang of this walking thing... look out Mama!