I Hate Confrontation

Back in the day, I used to be very confrontational. I had no problem whatsoever telling someone what I thought without regard for their feelings. As my mom said just the other night, a thought would barely form itself in my mind before it was coming out of my mouth.

Um...thanks Mom. ;-)

She was right of course.

Rude cashier? I'd call her on it. Someone treating me unfairly? They'd hear about it. Did you just give me a dirty look? You're goin' down...

Then I grew up and mellowed out.

I still say all the things I want to say, but only in my head.

Nowadays, I avoid confrontation at all costs. Partially because I've softened over the years and partially because I have little people watching and listening to how I treat others so they know how to behave.

There are two types of people that I cannot for the life of me assert myself with: a hairstylist or a doctor.

I had an ongoing medical issue that lasted between six and seven months that my family doctor kept brushing off as being normal, and a part of aging. Each time I went to see him for this problem he treated me like I was an annoyance, and would speak down to me with frustration. Finally I pushed for blood work, an ultrasound and a referral to a specialist.

He pushed back and suggested we take a 'wait and see' approach.

I stated what I wanted yet again.

Finally he agreed to refer me and the whole time he filled out the paperwork he spoke to me like I was overreacting because my issue was no big deal.

Yesterday, almost four months later, I went to see the specialist. Apparently my issue is somewhat of a big deal and not so normal. He's ordered more detailed blood work as well as another ultrasound. He has his opinion as to what my ongoing issue was and it's so sad. While we don't know for certain that his suspicion is correct, a lot of my issue could have been addressed months ago.

I really appreciated how the specialist listened to my questions and answered them. He didn't talk down to me, he wasn't frustrated by me. He didn't rush me. He actually asked me to stop speaking so fast, a habit I have when I see my family doctor because he doesn't give me much of a chance to talk at all.

When it comes to my Ian or my children I don't have a problem speaking up for them. But myself? It was incredibly hard, and I just want to kick myself for taking so long to do it.

When I settle down and have a bit more information (I see the specialist in another 2 weeks) I think I will go back to my family doctor to talk about the specialist's findings and how he (the family doctor) made me feel when I tried to speak up for myself.

Or maybe I won't. Because I hate confrontation.

I feel like I dropped the ball on my own health because of my fears of speaking up.

Can you advocate for yourself? Do you find it easy or hard to do? How long would you wait before you insisted on a referral?