Saturday, March 12, 2011

Will All The Perfect Mothers Please Stand Up?

I'd like to point out that I am sitting.

I am not a perfect mother.

I am no where near that status.

I make mistakes every single day and I'm so thankful to have children who love me anyway.

I assume that other mothers make mistakes too, and I try not to judge their parenting choices. I'm more successful at that now than I was before I had children.

BK (Before Kids) I thought I knew it all. But let's be honest... nothing knocks you into reality faster than that nurse who hands you your brand new baby and you realize you're on your own!

As moms, we do the best we can for our children. What works for some may not work for others.

But I am amazed at the judgements I have received from other mothers - my friends - for my choices.

When I deliver my children, I choose to have an epidural. Not when I can't take the pain anymore. Right when I arrive. I have been induced with each pregnancy and I have requested my epidural before they start the induction. And my doctor allows it.

I'm going to do it again with this delivery, too.

Does that make me a wimp? Maybe. Does it make me less of a mom because I chose pain medication? Not in my opinion. I've yet to meet a mother who received an award for delivering without any pain relief. I've been judged by "friends" for this choice, and told I am not a "real woman" because I've chosen it this way.

I think my husband might disagree ;-)

You know what else? I formula fed my children. By choice. Am I less of a mother because I chose this method? Nope. My children have always been exceptionally healthy and we are confident that we made the right choice for them. When Jordan came along, our choice to formula feed allowed everyone to participate in her mealtimes, and to bond with her in that way.

Guess what? These same "friends" judged me for this choice too. They said my kids weren't getting the best start in life, and asked me why I didn't feel guilty.

Why on earth would I feel guilty??

If a woman chooses to nurse her child, I say that's wonderful. If she chooses to formula feed her child, I say that's wonderful too.

I could share my opinions regarding vaccinating, the family bed, spanking, homeschooling and eating at McDonald's but I think my point is clear.

As moms, we're all just doing the best we can.

And we shouldn't have to justify our choices to others.

If we can agree on that then why are there so many criticisms and judgements by other mothers?

I have yet to meet a perfect one and something tells me I won't anytime soon.

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11 comments:

  1. LOVE IT!! I just had that conversation with someone! That "perfect" for my family might not be perfect for yours, and that Hubs and I will likely pick and choose different aspects our own parents used, but ultimately that we'll find our own style that works for US...and our family will thrive because of it. Some don't believe in mothers going back to work full-time, some don't believe in allowing kids to watch TV, etc etc. But as long as you have healthy, happy kids (who don't end up in jail or on drugs), you're doing it right!!

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  2. Very well said! My own quote, "there is no cookie cutter for parenting! Do what is best for YOU and YOUR family!"

    Thank you for posting this!
    Oh and please pass the epidural (that is if I were to actually be in labor, which I am not).

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  3. Do not feel guilty! You and I have similar views...and I have two healthy happy little girls...so we must be doing SOMETHING right!

    Growing up, I was always "supposed" to uphold this image of perfection...and now...I say poo on perfection! I like being unperfect *Ü*

    Congratulations on your sweet little boy...love following your story...

    Have a happy weekend!

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  4. I agree. No one is perfect. Most parents want what is best for their children and do what works for their family. For my family it happens to be breastfeeding, cosleeping and home schooling. That doesn't mean I down those who formula feed and choose to put their children in public schools. I actually find it refreshing that not all of are the same. We should celebrate our differences! Happy, healthy kids and families is what is important.

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  5. WOW I thought everyone was a perfect mother besides me. Thanks for making me feel normal. I need to read this daily

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  6. I agree that no one is perfect, girl...but I've met plenty of people who "reverse" judge. Know how many women I've taken care of that say "Anyone who doesn't get an epidural must be crazy!!", while I bite my tongue. I choose to not use pain meds, not because I want accolades for it, but because I enjoy it (yes, I do!!). It's just the way I like to do things for ME.

    And, believe it or not, my family also participated in mealtimes with my breastfed kids, via bottles of expressed breastmilk.

    I don't judge either way. What I believe is best for ME and MY family is absolutely the best thing for us...and vice versa.

    Epidural vs. no epidural...whatever you choose is right, because no one but yourself knows what is best for you.

    Breastfeed vs. Formula feed...again, only YOU can choose what is best for you, your baby and your family.

    Do I do it right? Nope. I do it MY way...and that's RIGHT (and perfect) for me.

    I hope I don't sound harsh...I just know that the judgement goes both ways!!

    Miss you girl...

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  7. I apprecite that you're willing to put yourself out there like this!

    I think judgement comes from either horrible conceit, or extreme insecurity.

    If we could all just focus on our own families and just think about what works best for ourselves, mommying would be a whole lot easier!

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  8. LOVE this post Kate. It drives me bonkers when people believe that the parenting choices you make with respect to delivery, formula vs breast and other factors which usually happen in the first few years of a child's life are the ONLY factors that make you a good parent or not. And that it is Black or White, Right or Wrong. I think that the goal of parenting is to raise to confident, compassionate, responsible, healthy (physically, emotionally, spiritually) adult. And this goes way beyond those few factors. Thank you for this post.

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  9. I apprecite that you're willing to put yourself out there like this!

    I think judgement comes from either horrible conceit, or extreme insecurity.

    If we could all just focus on our own families and just think about what works best for ourselves, mommying would be a whole lot easier!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Do not feel guilty! You and I have similar views...and I have two healthy happy little girls...so we must be doing SOMETHING right!

    Growing up, I was always "supposed" to uphold this image of perfection...and now...I say poo on perfection! I like being unperfect *Ü*

    Congratulations on your sweet little boy...love following your story...

    Have a happy weekend!

    ReplyDelete