Counting Mine {76-90}

I've spent much of this past year angry.

Anger is not a flattering trait for anyone, much less a woman. A mother.

It's hard enough to admit it to Ian, but to the world at large? Ouch.

But yes, I have been angry. Little things have been amplified, exaggerated, blown out of proportion. All because I have been filled with this anger.

At who? Well, just about everyone. The jerk who laid off my husband when he busted his butt for him, day in and day out. The neighbours next door that make noise at midnight. The paper delivery guy for skipping a day.

God.

He has the power to change our circumstances at any moment. So why doesn't He?

As the months passed my anger grew, and I started to feel myself becoming depressed. I was sure that once Ian went back to work life would be fine again.

Or would it?

I suddenly realized that I was more afraid of what was happening to my relationship with God than I was about our financial situation. A job wasn't going to fix what was rapidly breaking.

Back in the day I used to kind of roll my eyes when people would say that God spoke to them. Yeah, right, I'd think. But then He started talking to me. Not in a booming voice for the world to hear, although that would be nice because I can be somewhat dense. I'd just know it was Him, gently speaking right into my heart, silencing everything else.

So why was He silent now when I needed to hear Him the most?

I saw this on Pinterest awhile ago and pinned it. I remember thinking at the time that it was lovely, but really...who wouldn't want the storm calmed first?



Then Sunday happened. I've spent this past week trying to get my head around it and I haven't been able to. Someone at my church shared a message they'd received from God, and if you'll forgive me for the all about me-ness of this, it felt as though he was speaking right to me. Everything around me fell silent, and I heard Him.

He hasn't forgotten me. I am His. He is here.

I was undone.

I don't even know how to express it, and I know I should be trying harder. I'm sure that that message was meant for a lot of people in that sanctuary. But for me, with the silence and the words and the impact on my own heart... I can't get my head around it. I'd love to share the entire message here but I haven't asked for permission to do so.

So this week has been pretty awesome. It's changed the way I feel. The way I pray. The way I see Jesus.

Present, loving.

He knows me. He hears me.

The storm is still raging, but He has quieted this child's heart.

~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~

76} watching the moon appear as daylight fades
77} the smell of freshly cut grass
78} watching the sun rise
79} wind chimes
80} those final moments of labour, just before the baby is born, when the air feels electric and a life is about to be forever changed
81} the feel of the car driving over gravel roads
82} whispered "I love yous"
83} watching the cat sleeping in a patch of sunlight
84} an unexpected package
85} new underwear
86} my favourite ice cream on sale
87} being trusted with someone else's story
88} encouragement spoken
89} watching leaves fall from their trees
90} reaching for the phone to call someone and it rings in my hand...and it's the person I was going to call

~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~

If you are counting your own blessings and blogging about them, will you leave me a comment with the link to your blog, or share them with me at katieb38@hotmail.com? I'd love to know how you are being blessed through your journey!

Counting Mine {1-15}
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Counting Mine {31-45}
Counting Mine {46-60}
Counting Mine {61-75}