Challenging Day

I love Wednesdays.

This morning was Coffee Hour and I know I say this a lot, but I think today was my favourite one so far. It was a smaller group today so there were a couple of opportunities for me to talk one-on-one with a few of the ladies for the first time and I really enjoyed that.

I managed to remember to return the books I borrowed from the church library and signed out The Shack by William P. Young. Apparently it's a life changing book and will really make me look at God in a fresh new way. I've heard a lot of controversy about this book so I'll let you know what I think when I'm finished.

It was so laid back today...lots of sharing and laughter. We have really grown as a group and I feel so safe there. I almost shared my story...but I didn't. Maybe someday. No...probably not. Definitely not.

We talked about the various trials we will endure in this lifetime and how God allows them in order to refine us. He doesn't allow things to happen to hurt us, but to grow us.

What is faith worth if it is not tested? I believe this. Yet...I am ready for a break from being tested. I truly am.

When I look over the course of my life I can see where He has been working in me, around me and even through me. A lot of things make sense. A lot of things don't. Not yet. And maybe it never will in this lifetime. But one day He will reveal it all to me.

My favourite verse just came to my mind... "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

Did you know that in the Bible there are 366 commands from God to not be afraid?

Neither did I.

As much as I loved the thought provoking discussion, my mind has been racing all day with thoughts and emotion. Mid-afternoon the anxiety started. For the first time in a very long time I had a panic attack. I couldn't regain control and I can't express to you how much I hate not being in control.

Oh friends...there are things in my life that I wish I had done differently. So many moments I wish I could return to, to create a different outcome so that I could erase the hurts I have caused.

I take comfort in knowing that He has forgiven me, and He is restoring me.

If I've said it once, I'll say it a million times...He is so good is He not?