We are enjoying unseasonably warm temperatures this week and I'm so thankful for the sunshine. I'm sure we'll get more snow before Spring officially arrives, so I'm soaking this up.
The children all have small colds right now. Matthew's cough sounds a little croupy so Jordan and I took him outside this afternoon and sat on the porch for a half hour. I was hoping the fresh air would help him breathe better. Julie and Jordan chalked on the driveway while Matthew and I cuddled.
We made some decisions last week and after letting them sink in, I'm finally ready to share what's going on with us. I trust that I am safe to share my heart here and am hopeful that I won't receive too much judgement.
Ian and I have decided it's time to sell our house. We feel that by doing so, we will be able to eliminate our debts and start fresh, owing no one. We plan to find a home to rent and, after saving for a few years, purchase a new home. This is a temporary situation that will give our family a better future.
I am of two minds considering this decision.
On one hand, I am scared and I feel like a failure. We are not losing our home by any stretch, rather we are choosing to give it up. But still, we will no longer be able to call ourselves "homeowners". I didn't know I was so prideful...I thought this last year shattered any last vestiges of that, but I was wrong. I keeping thinking about what people will think of us.
And when I think about that a thought comes to me crystal clear... WHO CARES what people think of us? Everyone will have an opinion but the only opinions that matter are Ian's and mine. If someone judges us for this path, then they don't truly know or care about our hearts.
And on the other hand, people... I am excited! I have been absolutely longing for a fresh start and this will give us that. A chance to get out from under the debt and pressure and just start over. To be able to say that we don't owe anyone anything. To be able to go out to a movie and not worry about breaking the bank. Or to grocery shop without a pit in my stomach. To take our children on vacation.
Ian truly believes that this is God's will for our family and we are trusting in that. We told Sam and Julie after school on Friday and once they realized we planned to keep them in the same school and church, and that we'll be keeping our cat and dog, they began to get very excited. We explained that a house is just a building. But it's us that makes a home, and that can be anywhere.
I was nervous about telling my mom, but she was so supportive and is very excited to see where we end up. She agrees that a fresh start will be good for us.
We've started packing up the house and decluttering. I can't believe how much stuff we're throwing out and donating! Why oh why do we have so much stuff?? I can't wait to see the look on the guy's face when he comes to pick up our garbage tomorrow! I think he already hates us.
So there you have it. We are moving. We are moving. I think I need to say it out loud a few more times before it sinks in. I love this house. We've had a lot of wonderful memories here. But to be honest, we have a lot of painful ones too.
It's just a house, Kate.
So prepare yourselves, friends. I will be up and down and back and forth in the coming weeks. I may be sad, I may be excited, I may be overwhelmed and crabby... hang in there with me. And if you are so inclined, we are always thankful for any prayers said on our behalf.
There are many good days ahead.