I'm Sorry I Cheated On You Jillian

But I couldn't help it.

It's like this...

I went to my mom's today to visit so I wasn't able to get my workout in during the day. I figured I'd do it once Ian came home so he could keep the kids away while I made a sweaty fool of myself exercised. We had dinner, I cleaned up the kitchen and Ian put the children to bed.

He was playing Modern Warfare 2 on the living room TV, so I graciously offered to get my shred on downstairs in the playroom.

We couldn't find the remote to control the DVD. Ian looked everywhere but it couldn't be found. I didn't want to do it in the living room or bedroom because I didn't particularly relish the idea of my jumping resounding throughout the house. In my world, I am as light as a feather. I did not see the point of bringing reality into this.

Now we get to the how I cheated on Jillian part.

The playroom has a VCR and I just so happen to have a four pack of Billy Blanks' Tae Bo tapes. A long, long (long, long loooooong) time ago I tried the instructional video and hurt myself in the first six minutes and gave up forever.

How someone hurts themselves in an instructional video I have no idea.

I told Ian this, but he was all oh you can do the basic workout blah blah blah. So I said ok. After all, isn't Jillian the toughest cookie around? Billy should be a piece of cake.

The warm up itself was pretty intense. At one point my feet were as wide apart as they could go and I was supposed to hold on to my ankles. I did it, but before I knew what was happening I fell over onto my forehead.

I got up to do my lunge, jab, jab, lunge, jab, jab and my hair clip went flying.

I tried to keep up. I really, really did. I was coughing and choking and gasping for air as per my usual M.O. when the camera panned to a little girl that looked to be about eight.

Eight!

Little Miss did not appear to have any trouble whatsoever with the punching, jabbing and uppercutting. Neither did the 80 year old woman two rows away from her.

Oh yeah. I said 80. I'm being generous here.

I got all caught up on these two and couldn't get my rhythm going. Ok, who am I kidding. I have none.

Why is everyone in this video smiling?? I am not smiling.

So, I did my mock-skipping a la Jillian and the girls. Then I sat down. A moment later, Billy's face fills my TV screen...

"That's it! That's it! You're doing great!"

Why thank you, Billy. Sitting on the couch has always come easily to me.

After sucking back a ton of water, I got up to try again. Now he told me to hold up my right arm and bend it in front of my face, then rotate my left arm around it, all while keeping my right arm still.

I felt like a boxer already.

All was well and good until he said to rotate both arms in a circle.

"Faster! Faster!" he said.

So I went faster and I was all oh yeah I got this , and then I punched myself in the mouth.

In the spirit of self-preservation, I shut off the TV and came upstairs.

I never thought I'd say this, but I'm looking forward to some Jillian-time tomorrow.