Thursday, January 07, 2010

I'm Sorry I Cheated On You Jillian

But I couldn't help it.

It's like this...

I went to my mom's today to visit so I wasn't able to get my workout in during the day. I figured I'd do it once Ian came home so he could keep the kids away while I made a sweaty fool of myself exercised. We had dinner, I cleaned up the kitchen and Ian put the children to bed.

He was playing Modern Warfare 2 on the living room TV, so I graciously offered to get my shred on downstairs in the playroom.

We couldn't find the remote to control the DVD. Ian looked everywhere but it couldn't be found. I didn't want to do it in the living room or bedroom because I didn't particularly relish the idea of my jumping resounding throughout the house. In my world, I am as light as a feather. I did not see the point of bringing reality into this.

Now we get to the how I cheated on Jillian part.

The playroom has a VCR and I just so happen to have a four pack of Billy Blanks' Tae Bo tapes. A long, long (long, long loooooong) time ago I tried the instructional video and hurt myself in the first six minutes and gave up forever.

How someone hurts themselves in an instructional video I have no idea.

I told Ian this, but he was all oh you can do the basic workout blah blah blah. So I said ok. After all, isn't Jillian the toughest cookie around? Billy should be a piece of cake.

The warm up itself was pretty intense. At one point my feet were as wide apart as they could go and I was supposed to hold on to my ankles. I did it, but before I knew what was happening I fell over onto my forehead.

I got up to do my lunge, jab, jab, lunge, jab, jab and my hair clip went flying.

I tried to keep up. I really, really did. I was coughing and choking and gasping for air as per my usual M.O. when the camera panned to a little girl that looked to be about eight.

Eight!

Little Miss did not appear to have any trouble whatsoever with the punching, jabbing and uppercutting. Neither did the 80 year old woman two rows away from her.

Oh yeah. I said 80. I'm being generous here.

I got all caught up on these two and couldn't get my rhythm going. Ok, who am I kidding. I have none.

Why is everyone in this video smiling?? I am not smiling.

So, I did my mock-skipping a la Jillian and the girls. Then I sat down. A moment later, Billy's face fills my TV screen...

"That's it! That's it! You're doing great!"

Why thank you, Billy. Sitting on the couch has always come easily to me.

After sucking back a ton of water, I got up to try again. Now he told me to hold up my right arm and bend it in front of my face, then rotate my left arm around it, all while keeping my right arm still.

I felt like a boxer already.

All was well and good until he said to rotate both arms in a circle.

"Faster! Faster!" he said.

So I went faster and I was all oh yeah I got this , and then I punched myself in the mouth.

In the spirit of self-preservation, I shut off the TV and came upstairs.

I never thought I'd say this, but I'm looking forward to some Jillian-time tomorrow.

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25 comments:

  1. lol I am so laughing out loud (literally) at you punching yourself in the mouth. Ha! I would totally cheat on Jillian. She needs to be kept on her toes.

    :)

    I'm prod of you!

    Amanda

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  2. LMBO!! I'm dying here. I tried BillyJimbBobJohnBoy boxing thingy years ago and had much the same success as you. Thanks for the laugh. :o)

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  3. I almost peed my pants reading this...twice! You are so funny!! I have never tried Billy's workout but I can pretty much assure you that I would be hitting myself in the face too! Also, it drive me CRAZY when all those people are smiling and laughing while I am *this close* to dying, how is that even possible. Annoying. Jillian will be happy to have you back tomorrow, she is always looking for butts to kick. :) Also, you kick butt for trying a substitute workout! Way to go girl!!

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  4. I am going to bed LMBO.. Your so awesome Kate...I heart you!!!!

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  5. I was looking for you today...I'm so glad to see you post!

    I'm proud of you for substituting in another workout, but you made me laugh and laugh with your description! Awesome!

    Jillian will be glad to have you back tomorrow.

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  6. Hysterical. The hair clip goes flying...ha ha ha ha ha! No bar room brawls tomorrow, huh?

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  7. Good job for doing SOMETHING! That's the main thing:) Bravo!

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  8. At least you didn't give and say oh well, I can't get my dvd player to work and went to bed. you stuck with your routine however, harsh it ended up being.

    But I still took great humor in your story. I own one Tae Bo DVD and I can kind of, sort of, do it. But I'm always panting and sweating just a few minutes into so I feel ya there!

    Way to go! You are making progress!

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  9. Being so funny do not absolve you from cheating on me.
    Yours Jillian.

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  10. LOL!!! Finally, I found someone who works out like I do!! (and thinks like I do when I'm doing those videos!)

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  11. Haha, that's hilarious!

    Way to go ;o).

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  12. LMAO! The visual on this post is PRICELESS!!!!

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  13. hahahhaha LMAO!! You crack me up! I needed my morning cup of kate today! Last night I literally watched the shred to see if I thought I could do it. I was worn out just watching it. Its def. going to be tough... I may not be able to do everything but I am going to give it my best shot!!

    I am sure Jillian will be glad to have you back today ;)

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  14. Kate, your the best and I am super proud of you girl!

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  15. Anonymous10:11 AM

    funniest.post.ever

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  16. LMAO!!! Oh man I am dying here. That is so funny. But good for you!

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  17. I love your post to funny. It's sad that we all "want" Jillean. She drives me crazy during the workout but I still love her. I hope you have better luck today.

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  18. Haha, awesome. That'll teach you to cheat on Jillian again, now won't it. Heehee.

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  19. Hahaha!! Great post, very detailed!! Hope today is better for ya!

    Still laughing.....

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  20. I LOVE Billy Blanks. He kicks my butt too! And don't you just love his skinny minnie wife, too! They both are crazy in shape. I never can keep up with them through the whole thing.

    Hope you enjoyed your little trist with Billy. I think Jillian might be jealous ;-)

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  21. Wooo girl..This is hysterical.
    Thanks for sharing your journey. You are inspiring me to commit to some bloggy accountability.

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  22. OHHHH MY GOSH!!!!!

    I laughed my butt off so hard that I made darling hubby pause the TV to read it to him, who in turn cracked up laughing and asked if this was really my post in disguise. He said THAT IS SO YOU!!!!

    I LOVE It!!!!!

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  23. Oh, how I love your blog! I'm so glad I found this! I'm desperately trying to find a routine that I can do without 1) killing myself and 2) having a heart attack- both outcomes are unacceptable. :) How's the Shred working out now?

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  24. OHHHH MY GOSH!!!!!

    I laughed my butt off so hard that I made darling hubby pause the TV to read it to him, who in turn cracked up laughing and asked if this was really my post in disguise. He said THAT IS SO YOU!!!!

    I LOVE It!!!!!

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