This afternoon I will be having a bio-physical profile done to check on the baby. I'm told it's an ultrasound with a scoring system to check on the baby's health.
I've shared before that I'm on medication to control my blood pressure, and at my last appointment my pressure was it's highest yet.
I'm not a doctor, so forgive my lame explanations of things. Something about high blood pressure -> pre-eclampsia -> placental deterioration = uh oh.
I'm praying that all is well with this precious little guy that we've decided to name Matthew.
Satan has been whispering to me constantly the last few weeks and he's wearing me down.
Your baby is going to die.
I have dreams of missing limbs, of facial deformities. Of stillbirth.
I'm afraid to look at the ultrasound screen because of what I might - and might not - see.
I have three perfectly healthy children. A fourth seems too much to ask.
I feel horrible even posting these fears. ALL children have beauty and purpose.
Oh how I love him already. Nothing will change that.
Will you pray for our little Matthew today? I'd appreciate it so much.
I'll update you all tonight.
Thank you <3