Update

I've started writing this post a dozen times and just keep deleting it. I've forgotten how to blog it seems.

Do people still blog? Is it still a thing?? I don't read blogs anymore so I really don't know.
Dang you google reader for breaking up with the blog world. Now I don't know what is happening out there on the internets.

Look at those pics on the left. They don't even look like that anymore!

Sam is 15 and in grade 10. In addition to a full course load he is now a part of a business program he was accepted into at the end of grade 9. He's taller than me now! Most days the only time I get to see him is in the morning when I drive him to school.


Julie is 13 and in grade 8. She's so beautiful that it makes me worry! The boys are coming around and I don't like it at all. She's so sweet and loving, encouraging and helpful. She still likes to be around me! Ha! She's walking to school this year and it's all I can do not to make her text me at every corner. I'm a very nervous mother you know. Everyone is a potential kidnapper. . She's crazy smart too, and compassionate and so artistic.

Jordan is 6 and in grade 1. That's "real school" you know, not like baby kindergarten. (her words, not mine) She has been sneaking into my bed most nights and she's so dang cuddly that I have a hard time sending her back to her own bed. She can read so well now which amazes me, because one day she couldn't read, then the next day she could. I could never teach someone else to read. I have a hard enough time trying to teach them to piddle in the toilet and not in a diaper.

Speaking of diapers, Mattie is now 3 years old and flat out refuses to use the toilet. Honest to pete, either I have the hardest kids to train or I just suck at potty training. Whatever man. We have one more year to figure it out. He's finally starting to talk and much to my delight he's very polite. Even when he's cross he'll still say please and thank you. I'm worried about his speech but Ian reminds me that all our kids spoke late and now you can't shut them up.

And me? I'm in a rough spot these days. I know I'm depressed. I've tried to hold it off but it's taken root and everything is an effort. I don't do the things I enjoy anymore (sewing, baking, blogging). I'm not spending time in the word as I should. I've been so deeply hurt by the previous leadership at our church that I'm finding it so difficult to return. Even though these people are no longer a part of our church, it's still hard. Work is overwhelming, then I come home and need to make dinner and do baths and bedtimes. By the time I get to bed I'm exhausted from just doing the next thing. Then the nightmares start. I'm a hot mess, y'all.

In the midst of this difficult and heartbreaking season, there are blessings. My children are healthy. I am married to a man who loves me so much. I am still blessed to have my mother and the close relationship we share. I have a job that is absolutely off the charts nuts but provides great entertainment. I have an abundance of friends.

I've stuck with Weight Watchers all summer and I've lost 41.7 lbs. I'm pretty proud of that. Last month we were away on vacation and I was running and playing with the kids on the beach. Jordan told me she didn't know I could run. It's so much more fun to be a participant instead of just an observer. I still have a long way to go, but this is a good start.

Alright I need to wrap this up. I've been absolutely exhausted lately and it needs to be an early-ish night.

I'll be back.