Isaiah 43:3

"A bruised reed he will not break, and a smoldering wick he will not snuff out."

Isaiah 42:3

I am as thankful for this verse today as I was back in November when a dear friend shared it with me.

We were sitting together at Second Cup and all of my thoughts and fears about this surprise pregnancy and Ian's recent layoff were spilling out without really censoring myself, all the while knowing that she wasn't judging my heart. She understood it and I felt her love.

She told me that in the book of Isaiah it says that God will not break a bruised reed. I'd never heard that verse before, but it has brought me so much comfort.

I'm scared. I'm 40 years old and I'm pregnant. I wasn't in the best shape to begin with, but now I find myself so tired and so restricted. I have high blood pressure and I take medication to control it. So far, so good. I don't know how I will handle four children. I don't think I do that great of a job with the three I have now.

My husband continues to search for employment and has sent out hundreds of resumes. He has yet to hear back from anyone and that is so hard. His contacts are MIA and that frustrates me.

Yet, he doesn't give up. He continues to be positive while he searches, choosing to be joyful as he cares for the children and our home, lovingly takes care of me.

I pray constantly that God will provide a job for Ian. I pray that He will keep my husband strong and in good spirits. I pray that I stay clear of despair.

But I feel it close by.

I'm tired of people asking me how we're doing. I'm tired of smiling and saying everything is fine. I'm tired of feeling scared.

I know God has a plan for us. I do believe that. Bruised as we may be, I know that He won't break us.

I'm just tired and scared. And tired of being scared.

Tonight is one of the very, very few times I've allowed myself to let go and to just cry as I pray. Normally I just squish it down with prayer and positive thinking. I just can't tonight.

I'm sorry for being so low tonight. I just don't feel as though I can talk to anyone about this, and I needed a place to let it out.

Tomorrow is a new day.

Book Review: Promises To Keep

Eleven-year-old Roz (Rosalind) Anthony and her family have just moved to Mills River, Illinois, to escape an abusive situation. Only days after settling into their new home, they are surprised to find the previous owner, Tillie Monroe, on their front porch reading the newspaper. Though her sons have sold the house and sent her to a facility for the aged, she is determined to die in the place she lived her life and somehow manages to find her way "home" day after day. Feeling sympathy for the elderly woman, Roz's mother allows Tillie to move back in.

Mara Nightingale becomes Roz's first friend in Mills River. In spite of their many differences, the girls discover they have something in common that binds them together--both are hiding secrets. So they make a promise--"cross my heart and hope to die"--never to tell anyone else.

When danger stalks the Anthonys, Tillie exhibits unimaginable courage and selfless love in her determination to protect the family she has adopted as her own.

~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~

I found this book to be delightful from the get go with it's charming and realistic characters. Anne Tatlock is a new author for me, and I found her to be a wonderful storyteller.

Janis is a single mother, trying to start a new life with her children after escaping from an abusive marriage. Roz is an 11 year old girl unable to let go of missing her father. Tillie is an elderly woman who refuses to let go of the home she helped build with her husband.

I loved Tillie's spunk, Janis' strength, and Roz brought me back to my childhood.

A sweet, moving and powerful read told by the perspective of 11 year old Roz, I highly recommend this to anyone looking for a good book to curl up with and lose yourself in.

Book has been provided courtesy of Baker Publishing Group and Graf-Martin Communications, Inc. Available at your favourite bookseller from Bethany House, a division of Baker Publishing Group.

Book Review: Larkspur Cove

Moses Lake was a constant place, on the surface. But you can't always tell by looking, what might be brewing underneath...

After surviving the worst year of her life, Andrea Henderson moves home to sleepy little Moses Lake, Texas, to recover her shattered faith and build a new life for herself and her son.

Game Warden Mart McClendon finds himself in Moses Lake for a different reason: to forget a tragedy for which he can't forgive himself.

But when a mysterious little girl is suddenly seen with the town recluse, these two unlikely allies are drawn together in a search for her identity. As wounded pasts collide, will their quest bring the redemption and hope they need--or consequences neither of them expected?

~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~

I found this book very difficult to get into. The first several chapters were very slow and I kept losing interest with all the plot and character set up that took place.

While I usually don't mind chapters being told by different character perspectives, I didn't enjoy the back and forth storytelling between the two main characters.

What I did like, however, was the way Andrea's profession was portrayed. We tend to think of those in Social Services as being hard and cold, but Andrea was caring and gentle. It was nice to see her portrayed that way.

I found this book hard to get through and it didn't hold my interest. It's not a book I would recommend.

Book has been provided courtesy of Baker Publishing Group and Graf-Martin Communications, Inc. Available at your favourite bookseller from Bethany House, a division of Baker Publishing Group.

Book Review: If God, Why Evil?

Where Did Evil Come From? And Why Doesn't God Do Something About It?

The problem of evil is perhaps the most difficult question the Christian must face. If God is good and all-powerful, why is there suffering in the world? Can't God put an end to murder, rape, and starvation? What about earthquakes, hurricanes, and tsunamis? Why couldn't a perfect God have made a perfect world?

In this concise but thorough book, Dr. Norman Geisler carefully answers these tough questions, using step-by-step explanations and compelling examples. He walks the reader through time-tested answers but also provides a new approach revolving around whether or not this world is the "best of all possible worlds." All this adds up to comforting news for believers: we can rest assured that God is both loving and all-powerful.

~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~

I wish I had a dollar for every time a non-believing friend has asked me a variation of "If there truly is a God, why does He allow all these bad things to happen? Why are there starving children in the world?" And so on.

My standard answer is always, "I don't think we'll ever understand this side of Heaven."

While true, it's lacking. So when I had the opportunity to review this book I jumped at the chance. I thought that I'd be well armed with truthful and helpful responses.

I hate to say this, but I was disappointed in this book. It's certainly well written, however it's very intellectual and at times I found my mind wandering to other things and had to really force myself to concentrate on the subject matter.

I was hoping this book would have clear and simple answers to the question If God, Why Evil? It's not a book I could recommend to a non-believing friend, and that's really what I was hoping to get out of this book ~ the opportunity to pass it on to someone who could use it.

However, if you are a believer then you might very well enjoy the depth and theology in this book. It just wasn't for me.

Book has been provided courtesy of Baker Publishing Group and Graf-Martin Communications, Inc. Available at your favourite bookseller from Bethany House, a division of Baker Publishing Group.

Can't Think Of A Title

Today is Family Day here in Ontario and I've certainly been enjoying this long weekend. I love being at home with my family.

Saturday afternoon Jordan and I napped together. She waited for me to get all fixed with my pillows and then just melted against me and fell asleep. I think I fell even more in love with her. We slept like that for three hours! Everyone needs a 2 (almost 3!) year old!

I had my follow up ultrasound last Wednesday. I was so excited to see Little Dude one last time before his birthday. It was my luck that I got the Wicked Witch of the West as my technician who wouldn't tell me anything. I asked if she could confirm the gender and was told "I don't think Ivanna would have written it down if she wasn't completely sure" in this really snotty tone. I asked if she could bring Ian in at the end to see him and she said "Uhh... did he not come with you two weeks ago?" RAWR! She even gave me a hard time when I asked for a picture. "Nothing much has changed from two weeks ago, so you don't need one." At this point I told her that I did want it, and would be paying for it just as I did last time. She never took one, saying she couldn't get a good view.

I was so cross and disappointed I just wanted to cry. Or punch her. I did neither.

My dear friend at my temp placement quit her job on Wednesday. While I knew she wasn't happy there, I had no idea she was that close to leaving. She is going to a much better position so I'm happy for her, but I sure will miss her tomorrow. She is a Christian as well, and we've enjoyed several deep discussions and often pray for one another.

Her departure opened up a position for me to stay longer. Apparently the VP of Finance wanted to hire me on full-time which would require "buying" me from the agency, which would cost several thousand dollars. They aren't going to do that since I am pregnant, but he did ask if I would stay on until my mat leave. I felt very flattered and very grateful. I trained with my friend on Wednesday, Thursday and Friday and I'm on my own tomorrow.

I've been a very boring blogger lately. I don't have a lot of energy or creativity to share these days. Maybe it's just life preparing me for the business of four children. I'm also struggling with a lot of different emotions of late but trying to figure out what is real and what is just made worse by hormones, and trying to pray through it all. I don't like being a downer or negative on my blog, and so I prefer to just wait until I have something of interest to share.

A Mental Holiday

It's getting close to my I Hate Winter Mental Breakdown Day and I thought I'd re-post my mental holiday from last winter.

Want to come along? Everyone's invited!

~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~

It's that day today.

You know....that day. When it really and truly feels as though winter will go on forever and ever amen.

I hate winter. It affects my mood and brings.me.down. I keep the blinds open all day long so I can get as much sunshine as possible and that helps a bit. But last night we got a lot of snow and looking at it just made me cry and I didn't want to get out of bed this morning.

So, rather than wallow in these lousy feelings, wanna know what we're going to do today?

We're going to take a mental vacation!

Better pack a bag!



We're leavin'...on a jet plane...don't know when we'll be back again...



Hope you don't mind, but I'm a window-seat kinda gal...



Hope someone is holding my hand...I hate to fly!

We're here!



Let's unpack later! All we need are our beach bags...



..and the beach!



Oh and one or two of these bad boys...



Oh yes. Feeling better already.

Maybe a bit of this...



Some of that...



One of these...



...and I'm good to go home :-)

Sigh.

Sometimes a mental break is all we need.

Have a great day everyone.

A Not Too Exciting Update

Life is pretty quiet these days and I don't have much to report. I go to work, come home to eat dinner, and go to bed by 9pm each night. Ian takes care of everything else. What a saint that man is.

Little Dude has been getting more and more active every day. The reassurance is nice and I'm noticing that he is more active at certain times of the day, and I find myself looking forward to those times. I can't believe I'm already 21 weeks.

Jordan is chatting up a storm lately, and her words and expressions are becoming clearer and clearer. She now says 'thank you' and 'no thank you'. I love it. She greets me at the front door every night with a "HI MOMMY!" and carries my lunch bag to the kitchen. So sweet.

Julie's report card was fantastic and all the areas that she has been working hard on came back with great reports. Her French teacher says she's one of his best students! She's thriving this year, and I think it's because she's really connected with her teacher. He seems pretty great.

Sam has been having difficulty with a kid at school. Remember this post? Well that kid has been bothering Sam again, as well as another boy in his class. We've spoken to his teacher, to the vice-principal (again) and the principal and made it clear that they are to deal with this problem and put an end to it. He's now on a 2 week in school suspension. We'll see what happens when he's back in the classroom.

I'm done with Winter. I really, truly am. I can't take any more snow, any more cold... I just am so done with it. I'm ready for sunshine and green grass, flip flops and capris... come on Spring!

That's about all I have to talk about today... not terribly exciting, but comfortingly normal. Praise God for that.

It's A Boy!

Today has been thrilling.

Our ultrasound was scheduled for 3:15 and the closer it came, the more nervous I felt. And excited! Oh sweet mercy, was I excited.

The ultrasound technicians aren't allowed to reveal the gender but I held out hope that if I was sweet enough, mine would talk.

I was right ;-)

She hadn't been looking for long before she sat back, spun the screen so I could see and laughed.

"Look at that!" she said.

I have never been very good at reading an ultrasound before. I need everything pointed out to me.

Not this time.

Imagine a little one, bent at the waist, legs apart showing off their parts.

Well, that was our son.

We didn't go into this hoping for one gender over the other. We knew we'd be happy with whatever God had for us.

Everything seemed to be ok, although the technician couldn't really go into details. I have to go back in two weeks because she couldn't see his heart clearly or his nose or lips.

He was flipping all over the place, hiding his face. But.... here is the best picture she could give me today.



Hopefully I'll have a nice profile pic to share with you in the next couple of weeks.

She called Ian and the children in to see him, and I was amazed at how clearly Sam could see things on the screen. He identified elbows from knees, arms from legs. At one point it looked like the baby was waving at us. :-)

The funniest part? His mouth got moving and I said, "Oh look at that mouth moving, he's definitely one of us!"

As soon as we left, the children wanted to know if I knew what the gender was. I teased them with "maybe I know... and maybe I don't...but maybe I do...unless I don't..."

They both wanted a brother so badly. Sam has been telling us that if he gets one more sister he's going to start listing them on ebay!

My heart is so full tonight.

A Vent Where I Whine A Little, And By A Little I Mean A Lot

I am cranky.

I say things in an ugly and sharp tone.

I snap at those I love.

I roll my eyes so much I give myself a headache.

I hate feeling like this.

I have so much to feel joyful about... yet I feel so cranky inside.

Can I vent?

Really? You don't mind?

Thanks.

I'm tired. I'm hungry all the time. My chest feels like it's on fire. I have periods of breathlessness that to hear me, you'd think I just ran up a flight of stairs. My nose bleeds every time I blow it. I get a lot of headaches. I have high blood pressure. I feel like a hippopotamus-cow-pig. My roots are showing. I hate winter and there is a huge storm coming that is going to dump 30cm of snow on us.

On a normal day it doesn't take much to make me cry. I cry at commercials, I cry when I'm tired, I cry right along with other people that are crying. I think I am single handedly keeping Kleenex in business. I cry because I feel so ungrateful. Then I cry because I just feel so darn blessed.

Right now I'm tucked into bed. It's 8:24pm and I'm hoping an earlier than usual night will help me to be more level tomorrow.

Ok - enough venting. GAH! Who wants to hear all that??

Ian has been working with Jordan and she knows almost the entire alphabet and her numbers up to 12. Not only does she recite them, she can recognize them written on their own.

I've told you many, many times before....she's brilliant. I think we can agree on who she takes after, can't we?

That's right, her father.

Tomorrow Sam and Julie get their report cards. I can't wait to see them because they're pretty brilliant you know. They also take after their father.

And Wednesday I have my big ultrasound to make sure everything looks good with Baby. I've requested that they note the gender and I look forward to sharing that with you.

Ok, I'm done. Time to take this crankasaurus to bed!

Book Review: Deeper Into The Word, Reflections On 100 Words From The New Testament

A Fresh Look at the Words Within the Word

Words matter. God cares about them and so should we. Going a little deeper into the Bible's words can make an old passage new again, enriching your understanding of God's message to his children. Why was this word chosen rather than that one? What does it imply in its original language that you can't see in English? And without knowing Greek, how can you learn to explore the details of God's Word for yourself?

Keri Wyatt Kent provides a fresh encounter with the most important words of the New Testament. Deeper Into the Word can be used as a daily devotional or as an easy-to-use reference tool. Either way, you'll find yourself excited by the wonders of God's amazing Word.

~*~ ~*~ ~*~

To be honest, I never really wondered about the purpose of any particular word chosen in the bible. It was there and that was enough for me.

But when I was offered the opportunity to review this book I jumped at the chance and couldn't wait for it to arrive.

Keri Wyatt Kent shares the meanings and context of 100 words in such an easy to read way, with each chapter reading like a devotional.

Not only does it have a handy table of contents listing each word being studied, it also has an appendix of useful websites if you want to study the words and themes even deeper, a Greek index and a large notes section, citing her sources for even more knowledge.

This book is a fantastic resource for anyone who is curious about looking deeper into God's word. I will definitely be keeping this book with my bible so I can use it as a reference tool.

"Book has been provided courtesy of Baker Publishing Group and Graf-Martin Communications, Inc. Available at your favourite bookseller from Bethany House, a division of Baker Publishing Group".

Book Review: Fatal Judgement

U.S. Marshal Jake Taylor has seen plenty of action during his years in law enforcement. But he'd rather go back to Iraq than face his next assignment: protection detail for federal judge Liz Michaels. His feelings toward the cold hearted workaholic haven't warmed in the five years since she drove her husband--and Jake's best friend--to despair . . . and possible suicide.

As the danger mounts and Jake gets to know Liz better, he's forced to revise his opinion of her. And when it becomes clear that an unknown enemy may want her dead, the stakes are raised. Because now both her life--and his heart--are in danger.

~*~ ~*~ ~*~

It's not often that I come across a book that I can lose myself in. I have a certain group of authors that I know will suck me right in to the story and Irene Hannon is definitely one of them.

I liked this book because it wasn't what I expected. I expected the character of Jake Taylor to be this macho jerk protecting Liz, a delicate, helpless woman. I was so wrong. Jake is hard working and tender, passionate about his work and those he protects. Liz is strong and intelligent, and carries such grief and guilt in her heart.

I was pleasantly surprised by well developed characters that were relatable and a natural and easy storyline.

I went into the book figuring that the two main characters were going to fall for each other, yet it was done in such a lovely way that it seemed so realistic. There was nothing sleazy or inappropriate about their growing relationship and I found that so refreshing.

I carted this book around with me to read at every opportunity: on my lunch break, waiting for my ride home at the end of the day, before bedtime. I liked it so much I felt a little let down when it was over. I found myself thinking about the characters long after I finished the book.

Do you ever get so caught up in a story like that? I don't often, but I did this time.

Suspense, drama, mystery and romance all wrapped up in one read. A great book to curl up with and lose yourself in on a wintry day!

"Book has been provided courtesy of Baker Publishing Group and Graf-Martin Communications, Inc. Available at your favourite bookseller from Revell, a division of Baker Publishing Group".

Update

Hello!

I am having the best time with my Random Acts of Kindness birthday wish! It's taking me a lot longer than I ever imagined it would, and I just have to be ok with that. There's a lot going on and I only have so much time and energy to do stuff. When it comes to this I really, really don't want to rush it. So please bear with me and know that I'm not slacking off!

I will do one big blog post once I'm all done, and I'll be including all of yours at the same time. I have spent a few evenings in tears reading about what everyone has been doing.

Thank you so much for being a part of this.

Isn't kindness beautifully contagious??

~*~ ~*~ ~*~

I'm tired of winter and being cold and all this snow. I am rapidly approaching my I'm So Fed Up With Winter Melt Down Day. Do you have a day like that? It usually hits me in February when I'm convinced that winter will go on forever and ever.

~*~ ~*~ ~*~

My pregnancy seems to be going well so far. I feel movement just about every day now and that's so reassuring. I have an ultrasound booked for Feb 2nd, and I think I'm going to take the children out of school so they can come and see the baby too. We're going to try to find out the gender, so if I find out I'll let you know.

~*~ ~*~ ~*~

Being 40 doesn't suck like I thought it would. I actually feel rather relaxed and comfortable these days. I've been thinking a lot about things in the last couple of weeks, like how I view myself, what relationships are important to me, what brings stress to my life rather than joy... things like that. And I've decided I'm going to make some changes.

~*~ ~*~ ~*~

My love affair with macaroni and cheese continues to burn brightly. I actually cooked some this morning before work so I could take some with me for lunch. I was one happy gal let me tell you.

I also love egg salad but I can't make it to save my life. My mom makes AWESOME egg salad but I hate to ask her to make it for me. But if she wanted to I wouldn't say no.

Ahem, Mom. Ahem.

~*~ ~*~ ~*~

Tonight is the finale of The Next Great Baker and we're all psyched to watch it together. It's really inspired Sam to try his hand at cake decorating and we've been enjoying his chocolate cakes immensely of late.

~*~ ~*~ ~*~

And that's a wrap for today :-)

My Birthday Wish

Tomorrow is my 40th birthday.

40 is the new 30 you know.

At least that's what they say.

I long ago decided that I didn't want a party or gifts to celebrate this milestone.

Instead, I decided that I wanted to celebrate by doing 40 random acts of kindness for others in my community.

What's that? A great idea, you say?

I agree. But I can't take credit for it. This beauty of an idea came from the amazing Robyn at MixMingleGlow. She did 38 random acts of kindness to celebrate her 38th birthday last year and I fell in love with the idea.

The Lord has blessed me with a beautiful life and has given me so much more than I deserve.

I need to give back.

The thoughts of a huge party just seems so selfish to me in light of all that I have. I want to do something.

It will take me about a week to carry out all my plans and my beautiful family and I will be doing them together. I'll blog about it once I've completed all 40.

I have a birthday wish that I would truly love for you to be a part of.

Tomorrow, will you share in my birthday and do a random act of kindness for someone in your community? It doesn't have to be anything huge or expensive, just something kind for someone else.

Then.... will you tell me about it?

I'd love to add your acts of kindness to my blog post to share with everyone.

I believe that one act of kindness leaves beautiful ripples, and more people are blessed than just the original person. It pays itself forward.

I can't wait to see that happen. God's blessings flowing forward.

It will be beautiful.

National Delurker Day

Betcha you didn't know that today is Delurker Day, did ya? Well it is!

So, if you've come to visit me today, I would love for you to leave a comment telling me about yourself and how you've found my blog. Tell me something about you.

I'd love to come by your blog and say hello.

Thanks for playing :-)

Drive By Update

Lately I've been struggling with feelings of fear and anxiety, but I'm trying so hard to fight against it by praying about it and asking dear friends to pray alongside me.

I already feel so stretched with three children, I don't know how I'll handle four. I don't feel like I meet everyone's needs as it is, and soon we'll have another person to care for. To provide for. And I'll be 40 when this little one gets here.

Ian continues to work hard to find employment but hasn't hit anything yet. Thankfully his employment insurance was finally approved this week. I'm praying for the perfect Ian Job to present itself soon but in the meantime he's rockin' the stay at home dad gig.

I've been having some weird dreams lately. I get up about every two hours to go to the washroom and then my dream picks up right where I left off. Last night I was dreaming about seal clubbing. Awful, right? I know! When I came back to bed I told Ian about my dream and that I hoped it didn't continue. It did...sort of. Instead of dreaming about seal clubbing... I dreamed the seals were clubbing....you know, in a club.

Sam and Ian are away on retreat this weekend with the jr high youth group. They're heading a couple of hours north to do all sorts of outdoorsy stuff in the freezing cold. Not sure what I'm going to do with the girls but we always have a special time together.

Last night I had a prenatal appointment and it went well. I weigh 13 lbs less than when the specialist weighed me a couple of months ago. I heard the baby's heart beating and kicking at the doppler thingy. I'm measuring right on target. The only downside of the appointment was that my blood pressure is up a bit more and he's doubled my medication. I'm trying to stay as calm as I can about things, and Ian is taking wonderful care of me and ensuring that I'm resting as often as possible.

Sam has different names for the baby at this point. If it's just moving then he calls it Squirming Steve. If it's kicking, then it's Kicking Kevin.

My temp assignment continues to go well. I met with the VP of Finance today and after the meeting he told me I was doing "a fantastic job, just terrific". It made me feel really good about what I'm doing there.

Last night I went to my mom's for dinner. She made my favourite casserole and it was so nice to spend time with her, catching up. I miss seeing her.

I love maccaroni and cheese, and I could eat it every single day. EVERY SINGLE DAY.

And that concludes my update.

Bold Blogging

Have you heard of this style of blogging?

Bold.

What does that even mean?

I thought it meant blogging an opinion without fear of what readers would think. To use one's own blog as a platform for causes one supports or opinions one held.

Apparently I was wrong.

Bold blogging is about sharing anything and everything.

Recently I came across a few blogs that discussed details of their husband's sexual addictions.

Umm...what??

Did you know that potential employers are turning to Google and Facebook to gather info about possible employees? Imagine the information they'd uncover about these people, considering they are kind enough to use their real names - first and last - as they destroy their spouse's reputation.

Once something hits the internet it's there forever.

I've seen blogs where women complain bitterly about their children.

I don't understand this trend. I don't understand how one can basically bash their spouse or children for the entire world to read, and how that can be ok.

Do Ian and I have arguments? Of course we do! But I respect him enough not to slam him on my blog. And he respects me enough not to slam me on his. I don't ever speak poorly about him to friends either. What happens between us stays between us. Just as a marriage should be.

Do my kids bug me at times? Sure they do! And I bet I bug them too. But do I need to talk about them poorly on my blog? Or go on endlessly about how I need a break from them? Nope.

I don't understand this and it disturbs me on so many levels.

Our spouses and our children are God's most precious gifts to us. Shouldn't they be treated better than that?

How about blogging with integrity and authenticity? Wouldn't that make for a better blog?

Where do you stand on this issue? Am I just overreacting or is this trend ok by you? I'd be interested to hear your thoughts.

Boy Or Girl?

When I was pregnant with Sam, I was often asked if I was hoping to have a boy or a girl.

I always answered that it didn't matter, all I wanted was a healthy baby.

When I was pregnant with Julie, I was regularly asked if I was hoping for a girl this time.

I always answered that it didn't matter, all I wanted was a healthy baby.

Years later, when I was pregnant with Jordan, I was asked about my gender preference over and over.

My answer was always the same: It didn't matter, I just wanted a healthy baby.

At church on Christmas Eve I was asked whether I was hoping for a boy or a girl.

I said I had no preference.

Then she said, "As long as it's healthy, right?"

I just smiled.

Healthy or not, perfect or not, we want this child. We will love whomever this little person turns out to be.

I pray daily that God will take my worries about this little one away from my heart, and to be able to enjoy this pregnancy and look forward to that beautiful day in June when I will see his or her precious face for the first time.

I'll be 40 when this baby is born. I know what the statistics are for certain disabilities in a baby born to a mother in my age group.

I'm no longer afraid. We weren't expecting this little one but God had a plan to bless us with this new life. Whatever is to come, He will prepare us.

For now.. I'm choosing to just feel thankful.

Christmas 2010

Another beautiful Christmas has come to an end.

Friday night we went to the children's service at our church and they told the Story of the Three Trees. I've heard the story before but it really touched me this time around. We all have goals and dreams for our lives but when they don't turn out like we expected we become so disappointed. But God will use our lives for His glory if only we let Him, and in ways bigger than we could ever imagine for ourselves.

Afterwards we went to my mother's for a fabulous ham dinner. I absolutely love being with my family. After dinner my mom gave the children a gift to open - new pjs! Ian started a fire in the fireplace and Sam and Julie took turns reading the Night Before Christmas.

When we came home, we made a big fuss about putting out milk and cookies for Santa. Sam and Jules know the truth about Santa and are loving being a whole part of it for her. Jordan carefully chose which cookies she was going to leave out, then she sat on my lap while we tracked Santa on the Norad site. When it was time for her to go to bed she blew kisses to Santa and told him to be safe.

Ian and I didn't exchange any gifts before bed this year. I was exhausted so I went up to bed early (as usual!) The children wanted to get up at 6am the next morning but I was able to talk them into 6:45am.

Ian had other plans. He blocked one of the clocks in our bedroom so I couldn't see the time and started bugging me to get up just before 6:30. I wouldn't, so he tortured me by singing Feliz Navidad over and over and over. I had to get up just to make it stop!

The children were spoiled again this year and it took them almost an hour and half to open all of their gifts. Our living room was a MESS! I was given such thoughtful gifts from Ian and the children. A couple of them made me cry!

We went to my mom's for 9am and opened gifts there then had my favourite breakfast ever, visited for a bit and then came home just after lunchtime for Jordan's nap. Ahem...and my nap.

We returned to my mom's for 4pm for hors d'oeuvres (is that how you spell that?) and dinner at 6pm - turkey, my favourite! I heard my mom call from the dining room, "we don't have enough room on the table for all of this food!" What a beautiful blessing to be able to say that. We stayed until almost 8:30 and came home to get Jordan to bed.

Today is Boxing Day. I don't know what the significance of Boxing Day is but there's some crazy shopping sales on that day. We went to Ian's parent's house for lunch and the children played outside in the subzero weather for almost an hour, tobogganing and snowboarding and playing with the dog next door. We left in the early afternoon and did some Boxing Day shopping on our way home.

And here I sit.... longing for bedtime. My own, that is, not the children's. ;-) It's been such a busy weekend, but I've loved every minute of it.

Today marks the beginning of my second trimester. One third of the way to Baby Day!

I hope you all had a beautiful Christmas with the ones you love.

Be blessed!

Merry Christmas!

May you be surrounded by the ones you love on this most blessed day!

Merry Christmas!

It's Christmas Eve!!

I am SO excited that today is Christmas Eve!!

My office closes at 2pm today and I can't wait!

Tonight we'll go to our church for the children's service and then to my mother's house for dinner with my whole family.

My aunt arrived on the 16th to celebrate with us and we're just so excited that she's here. My sister will be there too.

After dinner the children take turns reading Twas The Night Before Christmas and my mom gives them one gift to open. We head home, leave cookies and milk for Santa and I get all excited tracking Santa on the Norad site.

Once the children are in bed, Ian and I will sit in the dark looking at the lit Christmas tree. Then I usually cry because I love Christmas Eve so much. We exchange one gift as we have for the last 17 years then hit the sack.

Apparently we're getting up at 6am tomorrow morning to open our gifts. Sweet mercy! I think we'll head over to my Mom's for 9am, open gifts there then have the best breakfast ever. Can't wait!

Do you have any Christmas Eve traditions?