Jordan's One Month Appointment

Today I took Jordan in for her one month appointment. The very fact that she is a month old already just blows my mind. Yet, it also feels as though she has been a part of our family forever.

I have to laugh at the difference between her 48 hour appointment and the one from today. At her 48 hour I was fumbling with her clothes, holding her awkwardly, unsure how to soothe her and what she liked and disliked. She wailed louder than any baby I had ever known and did it for the entire visit. I am sure we got a huge standing ovation when we left that day.

Today she was so much calmer - probably because *I* was calmer. I was more sure of myself in undressing her and handling her, we have a great bond now. I know what she wants pretty much as soon as she wants it. I love that.

My lovely little 8lb 9oz baby at birth is now 10 lbs 1 oz! Dr L said she is perfectly healthy and is in the 70th percentile for height and weight. We go back again for her 2 month appointment on May 30th and she'll get her first set of shots then.

This morning I actually succeeded in getting her to nap in the playpen. Usually she only wants me to hold her while she sleeps during the day. It took me a couple of attempts but I won in the end. She is sleeping peacefully and if my guess is right, she will be out for at least the next two hours. That's good because I have some touch-up painting to do in the hallway.

Jordan is being dedicated this Sunday. I have so many mixed feelings about it that I am trying to work through. I was raised Catholic and Sam and Julie were baptized in the Catholic church, with lots of friends and family present and parties at our home afterwards. Both wore the same gorgeous white lace gown and looked lovely. I was able to relax knowing that since they were baptized they were "safe" and would go to Heaven if they should die. Oh the things the Catholic church teaches us...

We have been attending a Baptist church for about 6 years now. I was baptized in Dec '04 which caused a lot of waves within my family. As a result, no one from my family came to support me that day. Ian and the children, of course, as well as my inlaws and a couple of friends, but no one from my family came. To this day it hurts my heart, but I try to understand.

In the Baptist church children are dedicated as babies and then baptized once they are older and are able to choose that for themselves. This is more biblically sound and therefore should calm my heart, yet I am still somewhat unsettled. It's so hard to let go of 30 years of untruthful teaching. I know in my heart that should anything happen to Jordan, my Father will take care of her regardless of whether she is baptized or dedicated or nothing at all. She is His afterall, only on loan to me until she returns Home. Just as Sam and Julie are.

I am uncertain if anyone from my family will be there this Sunday. Ian's parents will be. My church family will be. I have not invited people as I have for the other children because this is different. We will go out for lunch afterwards and perhaps have cake at home. Her celebration will come when she is baptized, whenever in the future that will be, just as her brother and sister were celebrated before her. Differently, yet no less special.

I guess this is my hang up about "everything must be equal" and "everything has to be the same". I have some OCD issues that I am always trying to work through.

I believe that God created Jordan and that he matched her with me for a purpose. I can't allow "stinkin' thinkin'" from previous teachings to influence what my heart knows is the best decision for her. She is safe with Him, no matter whether she is dedicated or sprinkled. She is His beautiful creation afterall.