Birthday Eve

Hard to believe tomorrow is the "big day".

I am a mess of emotion.

So excited, yet incredibly nervous.

I always worry about my babies during delivery and tomorrow will be no exception.

I'm not sure how tomorrow will go, but I expect it to be a very long day. I was told to be ready by 8am and the hospital will call me when it's time to come in. That's what they said back when they were going to induce Jordan and they didn't call until 4:30ish, and even then I didn't get a room until 11:30 pm.

I expect that they will start me off with the gel and either send me home or have me walk around the hospital a bit. As for when the actual induction will start, I don't know.

So... it could be a very long day.

I'm so sad that my mom won't be there for this delivery. She's going to keep the children for us because my aunt (who was going to watch the children when I delivered) doesn't arrive until the 15th. I'm grateful they will be well cared for and in a place that makes them happy, but I'll miss having her there so much.

Ian has packed The Labour Shirt. He wears the same blue t-shirt for each delivery. I packed it away in my box of special things after Jordan was born, never imagining we'd need it again!

He wore the shirt when Sam was born, then it was a coincidence that he was wearing it again when Julie was born. As soon as I knew I was pregnant with Jordan I went looking for it!

I ramble when I'm nervous. Can you tell?

I was up all last night because it was so hot in the house and my mind was racing. I felt under such fierce spiritual attack. It was unbelievable. I eventually went downstairs and prayed and cried for hours. Ian came down in the early hours and sat with me, talking me through a bunch of stuff. I love that man with all of my heart. He is so good to me.

Jordan and I visited with my mom this morning, then Ian picked us up and we went to buy the 50% off incredibly overpriced uber stylish Eddie Bauer stroller.

Holy pickles ... that thing is nice. I hope some mother in the park doesn't try to roll me for it.

Ugh. I hate spending money.

Ok. I guess I should try to get some sleep so I won't be too exhausted tomorrow.

I may be back to ramble some more. If so, bear with me!

I can't wait to meet our son, and see his little nose and lips and tiny fingers. To feel his little head against my cheek, and rub his little back. And play with his tiny toes...

And I can't wait to introduce him to you.

Bye for now :-)

Bit Of This, Bit Of That

I'm loving being at home again.

I'm not loving the lack of a pay cheque to be at home, however.

But that's not what this post is about.

I love watching the big kids getting ready for school. I drove them myself on Friday and then stopped in to visit my mother all morning.

I love re-bonding with Jordan again. We've taken naps together in my bed for the last three days. I love feeling her hand stroking my face and hearing her whisper-soft voice telling me she loves me.

Today we went to the gas station around the corner to buy ourselves slushies, then sat and enjoyed them on the front porch while counting birds.

I'm enjoying her Jordan-speak. She loves to have "hepitch" on her hot dog. (ketchup). She wondered where her "bayving soup" went. (bathing suit) She can't wait for her little brother "Mattchew" to arrive. Her favourite meal is "yunch". (lunch)

Speaking of "Mattchew", Ian has been hard at work. He pulled out and cleaned our playpen and set it up in a corner of our living room underneath a window. Then he pulled out our baby swing. Tomorrow he will set up the crib in our room. He also found an incredible deal on an Eddie Bauer car seat/stroller combination for 50% off brand new. It's still a little costly, but I know we'll get that money back when we re-sell it. I just can't put him in Jordan's old grey and pink stroller... I just can't.

You understand that, don't you??

I thought we had another 3 weeks to prepare, and that felt like forever away. Now he's coming the day after tomorrow. Holy pickles! We have so much to do.

Which reminds me. I need to buy Ivory Snow laundry detergent. Oh how I love that smell on baby clothes. Once I even washed a load of my own clothes in it because I loved the smell so much. I didn't care that I smelled like a baby.

After school Ian took Sam to see the new X-men movie. He had some movie coupons to use before they expired and with how crazy this week is going to be, he wanted to spend some guy time with him. Once they come home, Ian is taking Julie to Pet Smart to get a guinea pig. My dear friend has offered us her employee discount which we certainly appreciate. We have everything for it already. It used to be Sam's cage (well, not Sam's, but his guinea pig's) before he outgrew it.

Again, the pig. Not Sam.

Sam's grade at school is in the process of doing the mandatory provincial testing for the next three days. I can't believe the pressure they've been putting on these kids to learn the content on the test, and then tripling up their regular lessons at the same time. I'll be glad when it's over for him on Wednesday.

Ian's been making sure I rest a lot and pretty much has me on lock down. Hard to believe that Wednesday is Birth Day. Lots and lots of emotions there.

That's about all I have to report for now. I'll check in again soon!

Long Week

It's been a long week.

Monday morning I had my appointment with the anesthesiologist. It was 15 minutes of questions that could have been covered under a pre-admissions questionnaire and saved me $6.00 in parking.

However, when she took my blood pressure it was through the roof. All three times. To my surprise, she let me leave the hospital.

All day I felt lousy. I had a scheduled appointment with my doctor that afternoon. He asked me how I was feeling and I burst into tears, spilling my complaints. He took my blood pressure and found it to be extremely high as well, and there was a lot of protein in my urine. He asked me a few specific questions and then said he wanted me to head over to the hospital to Labour and Delivery right away. He said he would call over and not to be surprised if they were to induce me that night.

I managed to hold it together until I got to the car and called Ian to tell him. Afterwards I called my mom who assured me that if they did induce, Matthew was now big enough to be born safely.

By the time I got home, Ian had the children packed with overnight bags and ready to go. I threw some things into my suitcase and we headed over to mom's to deliver the children.

Once we got to the hospital we checked in, then were sent to triage for me to be assessed. The took a urine sample and did some blood work, and then hooked me up to the fetal monitor. I met with two obstetricians, one who after checking me, announced my cervix was not favourable and therefore would not induce. However, she wasn't going to send me home. Instead, she wanted to admit me for 24-48 hours for observation.

Ian stayed with me until I was well settled in my room then had to go home to let our dog out. More blood work and fetal monitoring, then I could go to sleep. It was so hard trying to get to sleep without my Ian next to me.

Beginning at 6 am on Tuesday they began a 24 hour urine collection (grody). I had an ultrasound in the morning, and a NST (non-stress test) in the afternoon. Both Matthew and I fell asleep during it, so what should have taken 20 minutes lasted 2 1/2 hours.

Oops.

Ian came as soon as visiting hours began and I napped through most of his visit. My pastor came in mid-afternoon to visit with me, and then prayed over Matthew and me before heading off. Shortly after dinner, Ian came with the children. I felt like I hadn't seen them in forever!

Wednesday morning my doctor came in to check on me and said he understood that the admitting OB wanted me to hang on until I was 38 weeks before they induced me. He said he would be on call next Wednesday and to request that I be scheduled for that day. Later on I met with the admitting OB who agreed with my doctor, and I was cleared to leave. My blood pressure was good, my urine was good (umm... thanks?) and my blood work was just fine.

So, at this point the plan is to induce me on June 8th.

Whoa.

Early this morning, around 1am I started to get a headache, which is still pestering me to this very minute. I woke up from it several times during the night, and this morning had some nausea as well. Both are red flags for someone with pre-eclampsia. (ahem... me). I waited until late morning then called labour and delivery to tell them what was going on. I got as far as "headache" and "nausea" when the nurse said she'd heard enough and to come right in.

We dropped Jordan at my mom's and headed back to triage. More fetal monitoring, blood work and urine samples. I met with the resident (who looked younger than Doogie Howser) who checked me out completely. He met with the OB on duty and they both agreed to send me - and my headache - home.

I felt like I wasted everyone's time. I know it's better to be safe than sorry, but still... I felt like the boy that cried wolf.

So that's my week in a fragmented nut-shell. Matthew is fine and tolerating everything very well, and I am so thankful for that. The doctors' concern is for me and my health, which can take a turn for the worse very quickly.

I'm sorry for this drawn out and rambly post. My head is killing me and Ian is sending me to bed to rest.

I can't wait until Wednesday. I'll get to hold my precious son AND be done with pregnancy forever.

FOREVER!!

Amen.

I'm Having A Baby...

Today's one of those days it's hit me.

I'm having another baby.

Clearly I know I'm having another one, but with all that's going on to occupy my mind, I'm still somewhat in denial.

I go about my day, working and doing what I can, then come home and go to bed. I'm used to being kicked constantly, I'm used to being exhausted, I'm used to being scared of what's to come.

I'm used to people ignoring that I'm expecting, used to people telling me I'm crazy for having a fourth child, used to people asking if this was an accident.

By the way, a baby is never an accident.

But today? Today was fun, and I have my mom to thank for that.

Mom picked me up this afternoon and we went baby clothes shopping. We started at The Children's Place - which I LOVE - and oohed and ahhhed over tiny little baby things. She bought him a few things there, then we headed over to Walmart, where she bought him even more things.

My mom is amazing. She's always so supportive of whatever I do, whether she agrees with me or not.

I clearly remember the afternoon I received the phone call with the very unexpected news that I was pregnant. I was shocked. And freaked out. And told the nurse she'd mixed up my lab results with someone else and she'd better get things straightened out ASAP because this was not funny.

As soon as I hung up the phone, Ian called. I told him what the nurse had said and he was accepting of it right away. Not angry, not freaked out. Just accepting that this was part of God's plan for our family.

It took me a couple of months to accept it myself. I wasn't supposed to be able to get pregnant anymore.

Surprise!

Then I called my mom. She answered the phone and had barely said hello when I started crying, telling her I was pregnant. She paused for a second and said, "Well, it's not the best time, but just think... another little person to love!"

And that's my mom. Calls it like it is, but always lovingly supportive.

We weren't expecting this little one, but God had him planned for us anyway. He will have purpose in this life, and already has his place in our hearts. We didn't think that less than a week after finding out I was pregnant that Ian would be laid off. But he was.

Isn't life a trip?

I can't wait to see his little face. Sam looks so much like Ian, and I bet Matthew will too :-)

Our hands will be full, no doubt about that. But our hearts will be too.

27 days until my due date. Ian and Mom are my coaches, just as they have been for Sam, Julie and Jordan. I can't imagine it any other way.

When Jordan was born I had a lot of visitors. As ungrateful as it sounds, I hope this hospital visit will be a little quieter. I appreciate everyone's excitement, but when you're in the hospital you aren't looking or feeling your best, and it's hard to entertain visitors (well meaning as they are!) when you're exhausted, you know?

I'd like to be able to have him, rest as much as possible while in the hospital, take him home and get him settled somewhat, and after a few days start having people over to meet him. That sounds fair, right?

OK, enough rambling for one day!

Traumatized

Today I was traumatized.

I decided to go to McDonald's for lunch. Not the healthiest, I know. But when a pregnant woman wants a Big Mac, just move aside.

I picked up my lunch then came back to the street my office is on. There is a hotel at the end of the street so I parked there. It was a gorgeous day and I opened my window while I listened to the radio and ate.

I was listening to Katy Perry's "ET" while eating, and was dancing a bit in my seat, waving my fry around.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw a bird.

A black bird.

I hate birds.

Before I knew what was happening, the bird flew into my car and was going for my fries!

I started screaming and trying to shoo the bird away but he started freaking out.

His grody wings were flapping all over the place, his mouth pecking towards my fries.

I felt his wing touch my mouth.

MY OPEN MOUTH!

I was screaming, he was squawking and it was pure chaos.

I started trying to hit him with my McDonald's bag, all the while yelling "Get out! Shoo! SHOO! You're so gross! Why me!? AHHHH! Get out! GET OUT!"

Finally he flew out and away.

My heart was pounding and my throat was killing me from all the screaming.

I even had tears in my eyes.

I quickly closed the window and was sweating inside the car. The air conditioning doesn't work but I didn't care.

I was safe from future bird attacks.

I hate birds so much.

But he didn't get my lunch.

Oh heck no.

Mama takes care of what's hers.

The end.

Long Weekend

This past weekend was the Victoria Day long weekend and we filled it right up. Saturday Ian had a garage sale and was able to sell some of our excess stuff. I was pre-fired again this year which was fine by me. I can't stand the whole garage sale shopper's mentality. If something is marked for $2 and they offer $1 it KILLS me. One year I told someone I would rather smash the object on my driveway than sell it to them at the price they were offering. I don't care that Ian fires me.

Sam set up his table to sell his Pokemon cards, and Julie had an iced tea stand. Jordan and I visited with my mom and sister inside and enjoyed the air conditioning.

Sunday I skipped church again. I know... shameful. I've been so uncomfortable lately and the chairs are hard, the sermons can run long, it's hot and then there's the touchy feely peeps afterwards. And let's not forget all the questions... "Are you still around?" "How much longer?" "How are you feeling?"

We went to Ian's parent's for dinner in the late afternoon and the children played themselves right out outside. I sat and watched which is just about all the energy I had to spare.

I seem to be getting more and more tired as this pregnancy continues. I find myself wanting to be close to Ian and/or home as much as possible. This time last year, mom and I had made several trips to the beach where she rented the cottage. We haven't gone at all this year. Just the drive to my inlaws' house on Sunday exhausted me.

Monday was a quiet day. I napped and read, and later on met up with Ian and the girls at the park. The park has this little whale thing that rocks back and forth, and Ian got into it and was rocking so hard and making these faces, and I just about died laughing. I love that guy. He'll do anything to make us laugh.

Today I was very excited to return to work, for the sole reason that I am in love with the ice maker in the office fridge. Chewing on crushed ice really helps my always present reflux and it won't make me gain weight.

Friday I have my 7th ultrasound and then on Monday I have an appointment with an anaesthesiologist to discuss the risks of an epidural and what to prepare for in the event of an emergency c-section. Then I see my doctor in the evening for my regular prenatal appointment. Glory. All these appointments.

I'm getting so excited to meet this baby! We've chosen his names, and he'll have three like his brother and sisters. We chose names of two men we truly respect and have impacted our family in wonderful ways.

That's all the time I have to chat tonight. It's the Dancing With The Stars finale and I don't want to miss a minute of it.

Perspective

You know, every time I start to feel frustrated with our circumstances or start feeling sorry for myself, I am reminded of those all around me who are enduring so much worse.

This afternoon, a woman I used to work with many years ago, buried her 8 year old son. He passed away from cancer on Friday.

I can't even wrap my head around the enormity of her loss.

So we're struggling with employment and financial issues.

So what?

Our children are healthy.

Our marriage is the strongest it's ever been.

We have a place to live with food in our fridge.

Our home is filled with love.

I have my mother, and Ian has both of his parents.

We're waiting for some (hopefully positive!) news on the job front for Ian in the next couple of days. We hate this feeling of being in limbo, but hopefully it will all pay off. It's a tense time.

All in all, blessings abound.

Yet Another Prenatal Update

Today was my two week prenatal appointment.

I'm getting tired of going to the doctor so much. I know it's necessary, but I'm beginning to feel like a regular fixture.

After my next appointment I'll be going every single week.

Yikes.

Anyway, I was horrified to learn I've gained 4 1/2 lbs. But that's total, so I'll have to deal with it.

My blood pressure is on the higher end of normal (for me) but Dr L isn't concerned. Baby's heart rate is in the high 150's and the results of my last ultrasound were excellent.

It was a really good appointment today, and he was very chatty. He answered my questions and we talked about my delivery. He said that at one of my next few appointments we'll talk about him doing a "stretch and sweep" to see if he can put me into labour.

Ew!

I'd rather have my cushy induced labour with a side of epidural, thank you very much.

I will need another ultrasound, so I'll book that in the next few days. And due to new policy, I'll need to meet with an anaesthesiologist to discuss the risks of taking an epidural (It will be my fourth! Pretty sure I know!) and to go over some information in the event of an emergency c-section.

He's already said he won't let me go past my due date, and has hinted that I may even have the baby beforehand. Hey, I'm all on board for that, as long as it's safe for Baby.

And frankly, I'm d-o-n-e with pregnancy. I love my children dearly, and I love that my body can do this, but I am getting my butt kicked this time around.

So that's it. Baby is healthy, Mama is healthy. Less than six weeks until showtime.

I can't wait.

Book Review: Max On Life

We have questions. Real, important, and challenging questions. Questions about sex, finances, and forgiveness. Unsettling questions regarding illness, suicide and eternity. Don't we crave answers to these queries that tug on the deepest parts of our hearts?

Do angels really walk among us?

How should I discipline my kids?

Any advice for my struggling marriage?

Why do I worry so much?

How do I know what God's will for me really is?

~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~

If you're anything like me, you have a lot of questions about things, but don't always know where to go in the Bible for answers to find out what God has to say about you question.

This book is fantastic. Broken down into seven chapters entitled Hope, Hurt, Help, Him/Her, Home, Haves/Have-Nots and Hereafter, Max covers just about every question you could ask, complete with applicable Bible verses.

I enjoy his writing style very much, and he didn't disappoint with this book. He answers each question with love and grace, and uses applicable instances from the Bible to help explain each question. It's full of Max's insight and wisdom.

172 questions and answers. Amazing. This book even has a topical index on each subject so you can quickly find the page for your question, as well as a Scriptual index if you wanted to look up a particular verse.

This book will have a permanent place on my bookshelf. I know I'll be referring to it over and over again, and will encourage my children to look through it as well.

If you have questions about your life's circumstances and you want to make Godly choices, I strongly recommend you pick up this book.

~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~

Book has been provided courtesy of Thomas Nelson and Graf-Martin Communications, Inc. Available at your favourite bookseller from Thomas Nelson.

Book Review: Live Loved ~ Experience God's Presence In Everyday Life

God is crazy about you.

His thoughts of you outnumber the grains of sand. His dreams for you outstretch the days of this life. The Maker of the stars would rather die for you than live without you.

Could you use a daily reminder of His love?

These devotions by bestselling author Max Lucado will calm your soul and nourish you heart. You can live the way God intended.

You can Live Loved.

~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~

This devotional is beautiful.

Broken down into five sections entitled Loved With A Steadfast Love, Loved With A Perfect Love, Loved With A Wise Love, Loved With A Merciful Love and Loved To Love Others, this devotional is absolutely beautiful.

Each daily devotion begins with a Bible verse, followed by an applicable story from the Bible, and closes with a prayer. There are even a couple of extra verses after that.

Several of the prayers are so applicable to me and what we are going through, that I want to copy them and carry them with me, praying them regularly.

This book is beautifully bound and perfect to give as a gift to someone who might need some encouragement daily.

If you're looking for a well written and diverse devotional, then I strongly recommend this one.

~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~

Book has been provided courtesy of Thomas Nelson and Graf-Martin Communications, Inc. Available at your favourite bookseller from Thomas Nelson.

I Fell In Love Today

Today was my 6th ultrasound for this pregnancy.

That's a lot.

I've seen every part of this baby but his profile.

But today?

Today I got to see all of him.

His little mouth yawning. His tiny nose and lips. Little fingers pulling on tiny toes.

I'm not one of those people who feel this deep connection with my babies while in the womb. I love them, that goes without saying, but that deep love comes when I see them face to face.

But today, I fell in love. He is real.

He's ours.

Oh my heart.

My technician today was from the high risk clinic, so I got a very thorough ultrasound done. She said he looked absolutely fabulous.

And the best, best, BEST part? He is head down! All along he's been sideways and I've been worrying that he wouldn't flip and I'd have to have a c-section, but she confirmed he is head down.

I am relieved and peaceful and excited.

And so in love.

I can't wait until he's in my arms!

5QF - May 6

I'm so glad it's Friday! I'm running out of energy these days and the weeks are feeling longer.

Sam and Julie had their Spring production at school last night: The Wizard Of Oz. They were both munchkins. Julie loved performing. Sam? Not so much. Actually, more like not at all. Basically he showed up to get his mark for drama. He did not want to be there.

There has been some positive and encouraging movement in Ian's job search. He had a really good interview this morning, however they have a few others to interview as well and hope to have a decision by the 20th.

THE 20TH!!

So much hurry up and wait with this. It's frustrating. We are getting so close to the birth of our baby and I am absolutely scared to death. I know God has us, and He has a plan for us, and I'm choosing to trust in that.

But man am I scared.

Ugh. Enough of that, Kate!

Are you ready for some Five Question Friday fun? Me too!



Let's go!

1. Have you ever had roommates?

Well, when I was in high school, a friend of mine got kicked out of her house and my mom said she could stay with us. She stayed for five days and I hated every minute of it. She had weird habits and no tact and I couldn't wait for her to leave.

Oh yeah, I said it.

My sister stayed with us for about a week once, and the children loved that. They missed her for a long time after she left.

Other than that, no. I lived at home until I got married, which is a good thing because I can't think of a single person I'd want to share an apartment with. It took me a long time to learn to share space and stuff with Ian and he was my husband!

2. How many names do you/your children have? (i.e. Prince Charming William Phillip Arthur Louis John Jacob Jingleheimer-Schmidt)

Ian and I both have two names, and each of the children have three. I don't know why we did it that way, we just did. Sam is Samuel James Emery, Julie is Julie Roma Nicole, Jordan is Jordan Theresa Faith and we just finalized Matthew's two middle names. Good thing we're done having children... we've run out of names!

3. Did you watch the Royal Wedding?

You betcha. I made Ian and the children clear off enough space on the PVR so I could tape all 6 hours of it, then when I got home I fast forwarded through to the parts I was interested in seeing. I thought the wedding was very sweet and classy.

4. What is the messiest room in your house?

I would say we have a messiest spot. On our main level we have a blue recliner that seems to be the dumping ground for everything: mail, magazines, laundry, back packs... Sometimes I want to take the chair right out of the room!

5. What is your ideal mothers day?

You know, every day is Mother's Day in my house these days. Ian and the children have been spoiling me rotten since the day I found out I was pregnant. Ian does all of the housework, laundry, grocery shopping and cooking. The children get things for me that I need or drop. Ian gets up with the kids every Saturday and Sunday morning and I take naps in the afternoons. What more could I possibly need?

And that's it!

Head on over to Mama M's blog My Little Life and join in on the fun!

Baby, Bloodwork And Voting

This morning I had another prenatal appointment. For some reason I thought 8:30 am would be a great idea and I was so wrong. We were rushing around to get out the door on time, and I was still about 7 minutes late for my appointment. I apologized to the receptionist but I didn't say anything to my doctor. Why? Because he's always about 10 minutes late to see me and never apologizes.

Oh yeah, I was petty.

So, here's the update.

I was really, really nervous to be weighed today considering I've been having regular late nights hanging out with these guys...



I love them like I love air. And my children.

Anyway...

Remember how I've only gained 3 lbs so far? Well, I've lost them. So now I sit at a zero weight gain. Being "fluffy" has it's perks. My doctor is not concerned at all, so I'm not either.

My blood pressure was high this morning but again, he wasn't too concerned. He sent me for more bloodwork and I have another bio-physical profile on the 9th. This will be ultrasound #6. I read somewhere that a lot of ultrasounds aren't that safe so I hope it's ok that I'm having yet another one.

Everything seems to be going well though and I go back in two weeks.

I stopped off to get my bloodwork done on my way home from work and I got The Stabber again. She is one rough technician. I kept leaning forward and psst-ing the technician covering the desk to help me. She didn't. She told me after she knew what I was doing but couldn't help me. She's a cold one.

There's something weird about that lab that I go to. Today there was a woman sitting across from me giving me dirty looks like I just ran over her dog or something. I was about to say something but was stopped in my tracks when the man next to me sneezed all over my arm, then stared at me blankly. I looked at him and said "I believe the word you're looking for is EXCUSE ME!"

Grody.

Last stop on my way home was to vote. I love that I live in a country that allows me the freedom to say who I want as my Prime Minister. I can't wait until the polls close and the ballots are counted. There's no way I'll be able to stay up that late for the results so I'll have to be patient for tomorrow morning.

Whew.

And that's a wrap.

Beautiful Day

Today was absolutely awesome.

Warm and sunny after a week of cold rain.

Such a blessing.

Ian and I took the children and Willow over to a nearby rec centre to play some basketball and to let Wills run off-leash for a bit. Watching him run full out in the sun just made me so happy.

Ian played basketball with Sam and Julie while I hung out with Jordan at the park. It looked closer than it was, and I thought I'd die walking there, but she loved it. There was a skate park there as well, and the kids exhausted themselves running up the ramps.

Afterwards we picked up some lunch to bring home, and Jordan and I took very long naps this afternoon.

Hamburgers on the grill for dinner, and a quiet evening together.

I didn't think about work at all today.

I didn't think about the stress and uncertainty we are enduring these days.

I just enjoyed being with the family I am so deeply in love with, and thanking the Lord for giving me such a full and beautiful life.

I hope you had a wonderful Saturday too.

:-)

Belated Easter Update

I love Easter. It's my favourite holiday, even more than Christmas.

I'm not sure what was going on with me last Easter, but I completely missed feeling the whole meaning of it all. It was just another holiday.

I hated that so much.

This year though... wow. I felt the burden and sadness of Good Friday, and the weight of what Christ took on for us. For me. For you.

Friday morning we took the children to church and went to the children's service. Our new-ish youth pastor did a fantastic job of telling the story of Christ's crucifixion in a way that kept all of the children's attention.

Afterwards we headed home for lunch and naps. Late in the afternoon I put a pot of eggs on to boil and was reminded yet again how challenging it is for me to produce a properly boiled egg! No matter, they worked out. I wasn't sure if Sam and Julie would still be interested in decorating eggs, but they were all over it.

Growing up we always decorated hard boiled eggs. Ian likes his raw so he can blow out the yoke and then decorate it. We did both this year. Jordan was all over it too. Afterwards we picked up a pizza and watched a movie together.

Saturday Ian and I ran Easter errands in the morning, then we all went to visit his parents in the afternoon for dinner.

I was so excited on Sunday morning! To wake and know that it was Easter Sunday was so exciting and I couldn't wait to get to church to worship the risen Lord. The kids did their Easter hunt, then we headed out to church.

Fabulous, joyful and heartfelt worship filled our morning. I was so happy.

After lunch and a nap we headed over to my mom's for a delicious ham dinner.

I hated going back to work on Monday morning! And having Jordan follow me to the front door asking me to stay home with her didn't help.

I don't have any Easter pictures to share with you because I was just too busy enjoying myself with my family.

Not much going on 'round these parts. I'll be 32 weeks pregnant on Saturday. Time is really beginning to move quickly now.

How was YOUR Easter?

He is RISEN!

Good Friday

"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." John 3:16

I cannot imagine the depth of love that God has for us, that He would give His only child so that we would have everlasting life.

The willingness of Jesus to give His life for us is something I cannot comprehend.

Did you know, that even if it was just for you, He would still give His life for you?

He loved you so much that He would rather die for you than live without you!

Amazing.

I pray that you know Him.

If you don't, let's talk.

Prayer Request ~ Update!

I am so relieved that this day is over.

I was so nervous about this ultrasound that I had nightmares all night.

But!

Baby Matthew looked wonderful and healthy. Everything looked ok, he was breathing well, I have enough amniotic fluid, etc and I didn't need to go upstairs to Labour and Delivery for any further testing.

He has two arms and two legs.

We saw his little fists moving all around and watched him kicking at my bladder (ouch!).

She estimated his weight at 5lbs. Holy pickles!!

He is currently in a transverse position and said he should be head down in a few weeks.

Thank you to those who left encouraging comments here on my blog, or reached out on facebook and twitter. It helped so much to know that you were praying for me and for our little boy.

I'm looking forward to having a solid night's sleep!

Prayer Request

This afternoon I will be having a bio-physical profile done to check on the baby. I'm told it's an ultrasound with a scoring system to check on the baby's health.

I've shared before that I'm on medication to control my blood pressure, and at my last appointment my pressure was it's highest yet.

I'm not a doctor, so forgive my lame explanations of things. Something about high blood pressure -> pre-eclampsia -> placental deterioration = uh oh.

I'm praying that all is well with this precious little guy that we've decided to name Matthew.

Still...

Satan has been whispering to me constantly the last few weeks and he's wearing me down.

Your baby is going to die.

I have dreams of missing limbs, of facial deformities. Of stillbirth.

I'm afraid to look at the ultrasound screen because of what I might - and might not - see.

I have three perfectly healthy children. A fourth seems too much to ask.

I feel horrible even posting these fears. ALL children have beauty and purpose.

Oh how I love him already. Nothing will change that.

Will you pray for our little Matthew today? I'd appreciate it so much.

I'll update you all tonight.

Thank you <3

Update On Sam

Sunday night already. Why oh why must the weekends pass by so quickly?

Just a quick update on Sam: Ian met with two police officers the other day to discuss the issue with this kid in Sam's class. Long story short, they can't really do anything right now. But... when this kid turns 12 it's a different story. Apparently if he was already 12, the police would have charged him and he'd be expelled from the school. So, we wait.

We were under the impression that this kid had a 2-day suspension but that wasn't true. He was back at school on Friday and back to punching Sam and calling him dirty names. Now Ian is angry. He called the principal and she's going to "investigate" and make calls on Monday. Ian told her he expects a call on Monday and wants this stopped now.

Go Ian GO!

In other Sam news, he sprained his ankle on Friday night at youth group. I wanted him to see a doctor on Saturday just to rule out anything really serious, so Ian took him to the walk-in clinic, who then sent him to the hospital. They took an x-ray but nothing was fractured and said it was just a sprain. He's been hobbling around on crutches all weekend.

My No-So-Proud-Mommy-Moment? I told Sam that if this kid cornered him and started hitting him, and he couldn't get away, hit him with a crutch.

Oh yeah. I said it.

Scold me if you need to, but I don't regret it. I want to smack that kid myself!

That's it for now. Hope you had a beautiful Palm Sunday :-)

Quick Update

I think I have reached that point in pregnancy when I turn into KateZilla. I am cranky.

No. I don't think so.

I know so.

Sigh.

Sunday I hardly got any sleep at all. The baby was kicking and poking me so hard, and it was after 4am before I could fall asleep, then I was up at 7 to get ready for work.

I had a really difficult time concentrating at work, and I managed to doze off in the bathroom.

I know. Gross.

I saw my doctor in the evening as scheduled. My blood pressure was higher than it's been so far, so he had me lay down for 10 minutes then took another reading and it was much better. The baby's heartbeat sounded lovely and steady. He sent me for more blood work, this time to check my liver function. I'm having another ultrasound - my fifth! - this Monday to make sure the baby is doing ok, and to make sure the placenta is functioning efficiently. He said that if there is anything "off" they will send me upstairs to labour and delivery. If they let me leave, then I can relax and know that all is well. I'm a little nervous.

Weight gain? 1 pound.

I don't get it.

Total weight gain so far is 3 lbs and he's pleased with that. I told ya, I'm fluffy. Fluffy peeps don't need to gain as much.

In other news, Sam had more trouble with that kid I've blogged about before. He was pushing Sam and punching him in the arm and chest. Sam tried walking away twice and this kid kept coming at him. So, Sam put him in a head-lock and punched him in the head three times and the kid went down. The principal has been investigating everything as there were several boys involved by the time it was over, and tomorrow there will be a police officer at the school to talk to the boys, and Ian has been asked to be there for 10am. I want to be there but I know I'll just run my mouth and make a mess of things.

I think pregnant women should be allowed to say whatever they want to. What's the point of having these raging hormones if we can't let go once in awhile???

Spring has sprung here and I'm loving every minute of it!

OK, that's about all I have to talk about tonight. I'm pooped and ready for bed!

Cranky, Crusty and Crabby...Oh My!

Yeah, so that blog title pretty much sums up how I'm feeling these last couple of days.

I hate feeling like this.

Yesterday I got tired of putting a smile on everything and just felt mad. I went to bed earlier than usual because nothing positive was coming out of my mouth and I wasn't being particularly sweet.

I cried for a bit. Prayed for a bit. Pulled out my crayons and colouring books for a bit. Tried to sleep.

It irks me how some people seem to have the easiest time with everything, while others are left to struggle over and over, for everything.

The job market is crap right now. Ian is trying so hard but no one will return his calls.

My head knows God is in control and He has a plan...but my heart tells me He has forgotten us. I know I can't give into my feelings so I'm trying to listen to my head more.

Our son is due in 11 weeks. There is so much uncertainty about the future that I can't even let myself get truly excited. I'm too caught up in the whole "what are we going to do if..."

It's a control thing, you know? I like to have control of what's going to happen, to know what to expect. Right now I've got nuthin. I can't see the future, I can't plan for it. All I can do is endure until things get better.

Ugh. Ugh. UGH!

Ian bought me a box of M&Ms and I just might eat.them.all.

/end whinefest

5QF ~ April 1

Oh my goodness, is it just me or did Friday come around super quick?

Not that I'm complaining mind you :-)

Tonight Julie is going to her first sleepover ever and she's so unbelievably excited. Me? Not so much. It's not that I don't want her to go, or that I have concerns about where she's going. It's just that I can't believe we're at sleepover age already, you know?

It will feel weird to not have her sleeping down the hall tonight. I'm sure she'll have a wonderful time though.

Ian and Sam will be at Jr High tonight, so Jordan and I will likely cuddle in my bed and watch a movie, then fall asleep together. We both like that.

Tomorrow night my family is coming for dinner to celebrate the girls' birthdays and I can't wait to see them. I love being with my family.

Do you have any big plans for the weekend?



Are you ready for some Five Question Friday fun? Me too!

1. Have you ever had surgery?

Yes, I've had a few surgeries. I've had my gallbladder removed, a D & C after my miscarriage, my wisdom teeth out and a cystoscopy to remove a cancerous tumour from my bladder.

2. Ever ride in an ambulance?

I've ridden in one twice. Once when my friend had an asthma attack at school and they called an ambulance. I sat in the front seat and it wasn't very dramatic. They didn't even turn the lights on even though I asked very nicely.

The second time was when Jordan was 1 and had croup. I rode in the back with her, holding her hand, and grilled the EMS dude about his whole personal life. He loved it! It was like Nosy Kate met Nosy Kate and we got along famously.

3. How are you in a medical emergency? Panicked? Calm?

I'd like to tell you that I'm cool as a cucumber but that wouldn't be the truth. My mind goes to the worst case scenario immediately, I panic and repeat myself a lot. Oh, and I cry. Which I am sure comes as a big shock to you.

4. Do you have a garden? Flowers or veggies?

I love the idea of a garden but I don't have a green thumb. All that planting and weeding and watering... bah. It makes me tired just thinking about it. Maybe I'll plant some flowers this spring. But probably not.

5. When did you move out of your parents house?

I lived at home until I got married. Truth is, if Ian hadn't married me I'd probably still be living at home. I'm sure my mother is most thankful Ian came along ;-)

That's a wrap!

Head on over to Mama M's blog My Little Life and join in on the fun!

Book Review: The Search

When worlds collide, can the truth set two young women free?

As a child caught up in a crisis, Lainey O'Toole made a split-second decision with far-reaching effects. Fifteen years later, when her car breaks down in Stoney Ridge--the very town in which that decision was made--she is forced to face the past and discover how her decision has impacted so many.

Bess Reihl is less than thrilled to be spending the summer at Rose Hill Farm helping her intimidating grandmother Bertha recover from surgery. It doesn't take long for Bess to realize that her grandmother coaxed her to Stoney Ridge for an entirely different reason. But once Bess meets hired hand Billy Lapp, the summer starts to hold some promise.

Lainey's and Bess's worlds are about to collide and the secrets that come to light will shock them both.

Beautifully written, The Search is a skillfully woven story that takes you through unexpected twists and turns on the long country road toward truth. Immerse yourself in this heartwarming--and surprising--tale of young love, forgiveness, and healing.

~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~

Beth is an impressionable fifteen year old girl who is being sent to stay with her grandmother for the summer. Bertha, a force to be reckoned with, is a grandmother who had ulterior motives for sending for her granddaughter. Jonah is Beth's father, still grieving the loss of his wife Rebecca 15 years prior, and trying his best to raise Beth on his own. Lainey is the piece that pulls everyone together. Over the course of the summer, these lives will grow closer than any of them could ever have expected.

I loved the gentle and easy way I was drawn into this story. The characters were realistic and likeable, and I found myself lost in the simplicity of the Amish life.

I've been enjoying this series of books by author Suzanne Woods Fisher, however this one was a little different that her usual style. This story had drama and secrets and unexpected turns of events. I wish there had been a bit more build up to the more dramatic parts, but enjoyed them nonetheless.

I really liked the subtle references to characters from other books, as well. I liked having an answer to some of my "where are they now" questions.

The relationship between Jonah and Lainey was sweet and genuine, and I loved watching their love unfold. Beth's crush on Billy was cute, and I like how things turned out for them.

I loved everything about this book, to be honest. I find the Amish life to be refreshing and sweet and good.

If you are looking for a great weekend read and you enjoy reading about Amish life, then I highly recommend this book. You'll want to read the others in the series as well!

~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~

Book has been provided courtesy of Baker Publishing Group and Graf-Martin Communications, Inc. Available at your favourite bookseller from Revell, a division of Baker Publishing Group.

Working

For the most part, I don't mind working.

I like that I'm contributing to the family and that my children - especially my daughter Julie - see that there is more to Mom than the ability to change diapers or cook dinner. You know?

I like that my children are seeing that in this time of employment upheaval, Mom and Dad are a team, and they work together.

I work for a company that provids cleaning services to stores. I am responsible for collections and billing, and whatever other projects they give me.

I miss being at home with the children very much, but I'm trying to enjoy this season for however long I'm in it.

This is my workspace.



See all my post-it notes? I'm terrified that I'll forget something so I stick them everywhere.

The coworker on the other side of my wall has this weird habit of standing up and staring at me. I don't think she's staring at me so much, just that she's staring. No matter. It creeps me out, so I roll close to my desk and duck down so she can't see me.

Every day there is that one conversation that just kills me. Usally it's a collection call and it's all I can do not to laugh.

Take the other day for instance. I called a property management company for payment and our conversation went something like this.

Him: I cannot help you. You have to call Dragen.

Me: Dragon?

Him: Dragen! He is property manager, not fire breathing animal!

Me: Oh. I'm sorry I thought that's what I said. "Dragon".

Him: DragEN. EN!

Sigh.

Last week I called for accounts payable and was told that "Cinderella isn't in today".

Um... yeah.

Then there is the stuff I hear all around me. Such as a subcontractor angry that his payment isn't ready so he's going to put a bomb in our building.

Yikes.

It's amazing to me to see how God works everything out. I knew I'd have to return to work last fall, but I was so worried about who I would find to care for Jordan. She's never been to daycare and I didn't know where to start to find a great place for her. Then, Ian was laid off. I took this temp assignment, able to relax knowing that Ian would be home with her.

So even when I was freaking out about how we were going to manage everything, God had the details all worked out.

That's why I try so hard (and yet often fail) to not get stressed out these days. I know that God has everything worked out for our family, and when it's time for Ian to go back to work, the doors will open.

Ian is anxious to get back to work. He's working so hard to find employment, yet all the doors seem to be closed right now. It's so disheartening.

But God has it all worked out, I just know it. He's preparing the perfect job for Ian and will open that door when the time is right.

In the meantime, I get to do what I do, contribute to my wonderful family, enjoy the feedback I get for my work efforts, and make some new friendships.

For how ever long this season lasts, I am choosing to trust that God is in control.

Thank goodness for that!

Catching Up

The last few days have been very special in our house - we've been celebrating Julie's 10th birthday and Jordan's 3rd.

It's amazing how quickly the years go by, isn't it?

Julie was so excited to be in the double digits, and Jordan kept telling me she just wanted to stay 2.

I can't blame her. I want her to stay 2 as well.

Julie wanted a pool party, so we rented out a pool and party room and decorated it in a tropical theme and it rocked.

Here is Julie with her closest friends:



Jules was over the moon because her party was the first party her very best friend had ever been to. *K* kept saying how "awesome" and "cool" and "amazing" everything was! So sweet.

Here's Sam hanging in the hot tub with the guys: (sorry about the pic quality)



Not to be ignored, Jordan got in on the swimming action too:



Julie's cake:



Cindy came to help out, as did Ian's best friend Gary. We were so grateful for the extra hands because we were still fighting colds and neither of us were up for swimming. Julie had a wonderful time and we were all exhausted when we got home.

We were supposed to have my family over for dinner on Sunday but with all of us feeling lousy, we had to cancel. We ended up having a slow day, and Ian picked up dinner from Swiss Chalet (one of Julie's favourite restaurants) and we had another cake as Sunday was her actual birthday.

Today is Jordan's 3rd birthday. I brought home McD's for dinner (Jordan's favourite) and we had another cake to celebrate her. I became so teary as she sang Happy Birthday right along with us, and blew out her own candles.

We do have pics of this... but they're on Ian's iPhone. Sorry.

We have three partial cakes in the kitchen right now. You know how I love cake, right? But even I have a limit!

I'm weird when it comes to cakes. I don't think that just because the girls' birthdays are a couple of days apart, they should have to share a cake. Nope. We get each one their own for their own days. This weekend my family will be coming for dinner so we'll have even more cake. I hope Sam bakes one... he makes awesome cakes.

Today was my prenatal appointment. I didn't gain anything, so I'm still sitting at only 2 lbs. My blood pressure was a bit high and that has him concerned, and he wants me to come back in 2 weeks to have it rechecked. He said he'll give me a requisition at that time for a bio-physical profile (I think that's what it's called) to check the placental function. In other words, it's an ultrasound. He's treating me as though this is a high risk pregnancy, and I'm grateful he's staying on top of things. He said that while it's possible I could go into labour on my own, it's more likely that I will be induced, as he doesn't want me going past June 26th. That works for me, because I have someplace to be on the 29th.

Baby's heartbeat is 150 and I passed my glucose tolerance test. No gestational diabetes for me!

That's about all I have the energy to update right now. Ian gave me a refresher on how to upload pics from my camera so now I can go back to showing you pictures of my day to day life. Ha.

:-)

Oh No They Di-ent!

I have a cold and I am miserable.

It started on Saturday night and I spent the day in bed all day Sunday. I managed to make it to work on Monday, but then was home in bed all day Tuesday.

I cough constantly and my sides now ache. I sneeze so hard I lose my balance. I've gone through tons of Kleenex and juice.

I'm not a "mature" sick person. I get crabby and whiny and I like things the way I like them.

Today I wasn't feeling all that hungry so I tossed a Lunchable in my purse for my lunch.



It's supposed to have 8 crackers, 8 pieces of lunch meat (mine had kielbasa) and 8 pieces of cheese.

Notice I said supposed to have.



Imagine my dismay when I got to the 8th cracker and the 8th piece of lunch meat and....

NO 8TH PIECE OF CHEESE!

I was speechless.

I must have checked and re-checked the empty tray three times before the sad truth sunk in.

I.was.robbed.

I like things in even numbers. I appreciate it when things are even. I don't like odd numbered groupings.

So there I was, sick and whiny, having to choke down a cracker and a piece of meat with no cheese to make it perfect.

Oh the horror.

What made it better, you ask?

The little mini Kit Kat bar that comes with it.



That poor little piece of deliciousness didn't even see me comin'.

Yum.

All better.

5QF ~ March 19

It's Friday! It's Friday!




Shake what your Mama gave you, kitty cat!

What a week! This job sucks all my brain power all week and I've been looking forward to some family time this weekend. I'm in serious need of some cuddle time with the children. I'd also like to go to bingo with my mom on Saturday morning because there's a $10,000 card that I'd kind of like to win. I'd also like to sew... but I've been wanting to do that for weeks now and just never get to it.

We're enjoying Roll Up The Rim To Win season here. Cindy drives me to work almost every morning and we stop at Tim Hortons to get our steeped tea. Gotta start our day off right ya know!

I seldom win on these cups, but I did win a free coffee/tea the other day. I was very excited. I enjoyed my free tea very much today.



And last Thursday or Friday I was on the receiving end of a Random Act of Kindness! When we got to the window to pay for our tea, the lady in the car ahead of us had already paid! SCORE! I was so excited.

Today I broke down and went to buy bigger underwear. My belly is very round and my regular underwear are cutting into me. I love new underwear. I love it like I love cookies and Spring.

It has been forever and a day since I took part in my dear friend Mama M's Five Question Friday!



1. Have you ever testified in court? For what?

I haven't testified in a courtroom, but I did go as far as discovery. I was very angry to be there and didn't bother to hide my feelings. When I was 18 I was sideswiped by a transport truck on a major highway. It sent our car spinning until we stopped facing oncoming traffic. He claimed that I drifted into his lane and caused the accident, and that as a result he suffered a severe back injury. He sued me for a million dollars. Years had passed before we made it to discovery and a lot of details were forgotten. Long story short, he didn't win and ended up having to pay back thousands and thousands of dollars in benefits because it was proven that he lied.

You reap what you sow, my friends.

2. Do you still have your wedding dress?

I do. I tried leaving it at my mother's house and had success for several years, but then she evicted it and now it's hanging in my laundry room. I never had it preserved and it smells rather funky 15 years later. I don't know if it's too late to save the dress at this point. I can't throw it out because I paid $1,500 for it. Talk about STUPID.

3. Is there a special place you like to go when you're happy, sad, stressed, etc.?

Home.

Home makes everything feel better, doesn't it? And it's a great place to be happy too.

4. If you have kids, do they sleep with you? If you don't have kids...will you let your kids sleep with you when/if you have them?

Nope, our children don't sleep with us. I had a fleeting moment when Sam was first here when I thought we should try co-sleeping and Ian nixed that ASAP. I'm glad he did because it isn't the safest thing to do. I'm a very heavy sleeper and I'd probably roll over and squish my peeps. Also, it's not a good habit to get into IMO. Parents need privacy and children need to be able to sleep on their own. I know that a lot of people co-sleep and that's their choice. It's just not something I support.

5. Do you watch late night TV?

Nope. I can barely stay awake until 10pm! I'm sure once the baby comes I'll be up all hours of the night and will become very familiar with late night tv!

Great questions, Mama M!

Head on over to Mama M's blog My Little Life to join in on the fun!

One Hour Glucose Test

Yesterday I went for my one hour glucose test. I didn't know how long it would take between travel time and wait time, so I decided to take the entire afternoon off from work.

I took a number and looked at it I heard the woman at the desk call out "22! Number 22!"

I looked down at my number.... 47.

Super!

I decided to play dumb and ask the woman at the desk if I needed to take a number since I was "only there for a glucose test." She gave me my drink and said she'd start the clock as soon as I finished it.

I seem to recall it being a pleasant orange pop type of drink and was actually looking forward to it since I always drink diet pop.

It was so syrupy and sweet and gross, and it was all stuck to the inside of my mouth. I seriously thought I was going to barf. A man across the hall must have seen that tell tale barf look on my face because he said "if you're gonna hurl lady, don't do it in my direction thank you."

Nice.

I had brought my book and Javier, my iPhone, for entertainment to fill the hour wait. For the most part I was entertained by the other people waiting for their own blood work.

I was texting my friend Cindy and out of the corner of my eye I saw some guy peeking in my purse.

!!!

I looked at him and asked if he was looking for something of his in there. He gave me a dirty look and walked away.

I was amazed at one man who used a seat for his wife's purse. People were standing all around but no one must have been as tired and in need of a place to sit as that purse.

But my favourite was the man sitting next to me, reading my text conversation with Ian. I was telling him what time I'd be home and then said "I'd text more but the rude dude next to me is reading everything I'm texting."

To which the guy next to me said "I'm not rude!"

Well apparently you are if you're reading over my shoulder.

I'll get my results at my next appointment on the 29th. Hopefully I passed.

I have 10 days left before I hit my third trimester. I can hardly believe it.

I've been having difficulty getting comfortable and sleeping well. Little Dude doesn't like it when I lay on my right side for some reason and kicks me constantly until I switch sides. I'm up every hour to use the washroom. I have horrible nightmares.

But.... it will all be worth it in just over three months when I get to hold my precious little boy! I can't WAIT!!

I'll let you know about my results at the end of the month because I just know you'll be longing to know ;-)

Will All The Perfect Mothers Please Stand Up?

I'd like to point out that I am sitting.

I am not a perfect mother.

I am no where near that status.

I make mistakes every single day and I'm so thankful to have children who love me anyway.

I assume that other mothers make mistakes too, and I try not to judge their parenting choices. I'm more successful at that now than I was before I had children.

BK (Before Kids) I thought I knew it all. But let's be honest... nothing knocks you into reality faster than that nurse who hands you your brand new baby and you realize you're on your own!

As moms, we do the best we can for our children. What works for some may not work for others.

But I am amazed at the judgements I have received from other mothers - my friends - for my choices.

When I deliver my children, I choose to have an epidural. Not when I can't take the pain anymore. Right when I arrive. I have been induced with each pregnancy and I have requested my epidural before they start the induction. And my doctor allows it.

I'm going to do it again with this delivery, too.

Does that make me a wimp? Maybe. Does it make me less of a mom because I chose pain medication? Not in my opinion. I've yet to meet a mother who received an award for delivering without any pain relief. I've been judged by "friends" for this choice, and told I am not a "real woman" because I've chosen it this way.

I think my husband might disagree ;-)

You know what else? I formula fed my children. By choice. Am I less of a mother because I chose this method? Nope. My children have always been exceptionally healthy and we are confident that we made the right choice for them. When Jordan came along, our choice to formula feed allowed everyone to participate in her mealtimes, and to bond with her in that way.

Guess what? These same "friends" judged me for this choice too. They said my kids weren't getting the best start in life, and asked me why I didn't feel guilty.

Why on earth would I feel guilty??

If a woman chooses to nurse her child, I say that's wonderful. If she chooses to formula feed her child, I say that's wonderful too.

I could share my opinions regarding vaccinating, the family bed, spanking, homeschooling and eating at McDonald's but I think my point is clear.

As moms, we're all just doing the best we can.

And we shouldn't have to justify our choices to others.

If we can agree on that then why are there so many criticisms and judgements by other mothers?

I have yet to meet a perfect one and something tells me I won't anytime soon.

Unbelievable

Today was my monthly prenatal appointment. I have blogged before about the various issues I have with my doctor and how frustrated I feel when I leave there.

Last month's appointment had me very upset. I can't remember if I told you about it or not, so bear with me if I'm repeating myself. Brain cells are in short supply these days.

My doctor has a nurse practitioner working with him as part of her residency. She's a lovely woman, I am sure, however I personally don't want to have to see her. Last month she couldn't find the baby's heartbeat and just kept looking and looking, and adding more and more gel on my very gelled up belly. I told her that Dr. L has to push hard to hear it, but she didn't do that. Finally she excused herself to get him and he came in and very quickly (and roughly) located it. She also took my blood pressure but I didn't think she got an accurate reading. My doctor spoke to me for about 34.5 seconds before darting out the door.

I was so cross.

I decided I was going to bring Ian with me to my next appointment so he could tell the doctor that WE (key word) didn't want to have the NP examine me, that we'd wait for him.

I was all bothered about this pending conversation and it turned out that the NP wasn't working with him today! Talk about wasted energy. It was actually a very good appointment and I give credit for that to Ian. He and my doctor get along rather well and I don't think he likes me all that much.

So...on to the unbelievable part...

Guess how much weight I've gained this month?

One pound.

I know, right!?

That makes my total weight gain 2 pounds.

Before you start to worry about the health of my little dude, know that I am on the very "fluffy" side and baby is just taking from me.

His heart rate is 150 and, according to what they could see on the ultrasound, he looks very healthy. My blood pressure is in a good range and all is well. I need to have my 1 hour glucose test in the next few days and then I go back in 3 weeks.

Oh my word... I'm having a baby.

I just love it when this realization just washes over me like that. I am getting more and more excited by the day.

And now I'm going to lay in bed and feel my little boy roll and swish and kick and poke me, and spend some time praising the One who gave him to me.

Good night :-)

This And That

Let me begin this post by saying thank you to those of you who left me such encouraging comments or emailed me privately regarding my last blog post. I was feeling so low and you just lifted me right up.

I appreciate you all so much, and it means so much that you would encourage me, someone you don't really know.

I don't want to portray that my life is all sunshine and rainbows, but I don't want my blog to become whiny either. I'm trying to find a balance between the two where I can just be real with you.

God has really been providing for our family during this season. Ian has at least one magic booking each weekend and that helps so much. (Did I ever tell you that Ian is a professional magician? Probably... but I love to brag about him!) Last year was pretty slow for bookings, but this year has been quite the opposite. This weekend was one of the only ones in a long while where he didn't have any, then he was offered one at the last minute. God is good.

Yesterday I went to get my hair done. I struggled with the expense of it but had to add it to the budget because my hair was looking like a disaster area and it was really affecting my self-esteem. I'm not one of those women who go to the hair salon every six weeks or everytime there is a special occasion. Oh no... it's been five months since my last appointment and I was looking pretty shaggy. I asked my stylist to make me look hawt again, but not as hawt as last time because look what happened last time.... and I pointed to my belly. We had a good laugh. (But I wasn't kidding, ha!)

I just love my stylist Mary. She is so sweet and does wonderful work. I brought Julie along because she was in dire need of a haircut as well. It was lovely girl time together. We talked about school and life and dreams and boys... it was really sweet. She's such an interesting and fun little girl, my Julie is. She will be 10 this month. Where does the time go??

Yesterday Ian surprised me with Chinese food for dinner. I had opened my fortune cookie to read what it said, then left the cookie part on my belly. A few minutes later the baby kicked me so hard that my cookie moved! His kicks have been getting stronger and stronger, and yesterday my belly was aching when I went to bed.

I see my doctor for my monthly appointment on Tuesday. I'm bringing Ian with me this time because I need him to say a few things that I'm not comfortable saying. Things like how I don't want to see the nurse practitioner anymore, just him. I'm going to also request that when the baby is born that he gets a pulse ox test.

Tomorrow will be a very busy day at work. I have a couple of things I need to do, that for some reason, no matter how many times they're explained to me, I still don't "get". Hopefully I can wrap those up tomorrow and then not worry about them until next month. As busy or frustrating as this job can be, I am deeply grateful for the work.

Jordan seems to be longing for warmer weather. She chose a sundress to wear around the house all day yesterday, and today she's modelled her bikini for me, and is now wearing a sleeveless shirt. I love her little squishy almost three year old body. Yep... three at the end of this month.

I don't think I have any ground breaking news about Sam to share. He's being awesome as usual.

Well, I think I'll wrap up my rambling for now. I'm going to try to blog a little more regularly about what's going on here. I come up with ideas at work but then forget when I get home!

Hope you all are doing well and have a great week!