Tuesday, June 28, 2011


I think I can manage that.



Thursday, June 23, 2011

A Quick Update Because I've Been A Slacker

Matthew is two weeks old today! Hard to believe it's only been that long. It feels like he's been with us forever. We were cuddling in bed together this morning and I watched the clock turn to 9:17 and gave him a little squeeze, wishing him a happy two week birthday.

It amazes me that if things had progressed "normally", he still wouldn't be here! My due date was this Saturday. He's like this incredible gift that we were given to enjoy two and a half weeks early.

I am completely in love with him, as is the rest of the family. Jordan seems to think he's her pet! There has been zero jealousy from her. I'm amazed!

Tomorrow is his two week well baby visit. I'm curious to see how much he's gained, if anything. He eats a lot then will projectile spit up some. And when I say projectile, I'm talking through the nose at my FACE! He was born weighing 7lbs 11 oz, and at his 72 hour check up he was down to 7 lbs even. Just for fun I asked them to weigh me. I only gained 7 lbs for the entire pregnancy, so I was hoping to have lost close to that. Turns out I was down 10 lbs.


Now I can say I was back to my pre-pregnancy weight in a few days.


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The letter "L" broke off my laptop. I'm hoping Ian can glue it back together because it's annoying me. You don't notice how many words have "L" in it until you don't have an "L" key.

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There is something wrong with my oven. It beeps constantly when it's turned on. It heats perfectly fine but that beeping, UGH! I wanted to punch it in the kidneys tonight.

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Julie has been home sick for the last two days, poor thing. She missed Movie Day at school today and is hoping to make it tomorrow for Play Day.

Sam is counting the minutes until school is out. They finish on the 30th. I'm envious of all the American kids that finished last month.

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Tonight I finally cleared off my desk and pulled out my beloved sewing machine, Sassy Susie. I'm going to sew some blankets for Matthew and some pillow cases for the children as soon as I have some down time. I found a print with sea shells, sunglasses and flip flops that came in blue, yellow and white to make into pillow cases for Sam, Julie and Jordan. I'm not a great sewer (seamstress?) but it really relaxes me.

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I keep feeling like something is crawling on me but when I look there isn't anything. Am I losing my mind?

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I'm glad I'm seeing Dr L tomorrow. My hormones have been out of whack since Matthew's birth, and I've had some significant periods of feeling blue. I'm keeping an eye on it as I've had post-partum depression before and it was awful. I'm hoping he'll tell me it will pass.

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That's about all I have to talk about tonight. I have a lot on my mind but I haven't processed what I'm feeling clearly enough to talk about yet. Maybe tomorrow.

Goodnight :-)


Friday, June 17, 2011

First Week

It's hard to believe that Matthew is already a week old and has been home with us since last Friday.

Time with him flies past.

He hates having a bath and getting his diaper changed!

All I do is hold him and stare at his precious little face.

I'm way behind in posting any pictures, so this post will be a bit picture heavy. I apologize for the quality, some are from my iPhone and others from MaryBeth my camera.

Here he is, fresh out. Look how tiny he is next to Ian's hand! We have a picture like this of each of our children.

Sam meeting his brother for the first time.

Julie and Jordan meeting Matthew for the first time.

Going home day! Matthew is wearing a gown made by my Grandmother. She made three of these gowns for each of her grandchildren's children to wear. Sam, Julie and Jordan each wore theirs they came home from the hospital.

I had a few tears while I was dressing Matthew in his gown to come home. It was like my Nanny was with us for a few moments and I missed her so much.

I love cuddling with this little guy.

I think he must have been having a great dream!

And today, sleeping in my arms.

This week has been a huge adjustment for sure. The children have been wanting to hold Matthew constantly and I'm forever in a state of panic. "Watch his head!" "Hold his neck!" "Don't jostle him!" "Are you sure you washed your hands?" And so on, and so on....

We have been blessed with so many gestures of love this week! Flowers, meals, diapers, gifts, clothes... it's overwhelming!

That's all I have time for today!


Monday, June 13, 2011

Matthew's Birth Story

These past few days have been incredible. Matthew fits into our family so beautifully.

He is such sweet perfection.

If you love a birth story, then this is for you. If you don't, you might just want to skip to the end!

My induction was scheduled for Wednesday June 8th, when my family doctor - Dr L - would be on call. The hospital said they would call me when they were ready for me to come in and to be ready any time after 8am or so. They called us at about 8:20am and said to start making our way in. Ian took the children to school, then came back for Jordan and me. We took Jordan to my mom's and then headed to the hospital.

I was so nervous and excited. I couldn't wait to see my baby but was not looking forward to the labour part of things. The first parking lot we went to was full, and on our way to the next lot I looked to the left and saw the row of doctors' parking. Each spot was full....except the anesthesiologist. It was one big fat spot of emptiness and I told Ian we had to go home because he wasn't there.

Turns out there was ten anesthesiologists on duty and they tend to park at the back of the hospital. Whew. Crisis averted.

We checked into triage and once I'd given urine and blood samples I was hooked up to the fetal monitor.

Dr L arrived to see me after awhile, and after discussing some options decided to give me a dose of Cervadil to soften my cervix. Once he'd done that, we stayed for an additional hour of fetal monitoring and then we were told to go home and come back in six hours. We picked up some lunch and went home so I could rest up. After a couple of hours we went to the theatre to see Thor. It was during the movie that I started feeling some low backache and mild cramping. It was getting hard to sit still but I didn't want to leave because I was really enjoying the movie. Afterwards we went to my mom's to see the children. At this point there was a regularity to the pain I was feeling, and my mom kept a record of the length and frequency.

I am a suck when it comes to pain, and it was all I could do not to fuss or cry in front of the children. Ian and I returned to the hospital at about 8pm and went back to triage to be checked. They put me back on the fetal monitor and after awhile Dr L came to check me only to find there was minimal change. The pain I was feeling wasn't even registering on the monitor. He gave me a second dose of the Cervadil and sent us home with instructions to return in another six hours.

I was so frustrated. I was cramping and sore from being checked, and I was scared about what was to come.

We went home and Ian pulled out the sofa bed so I could rest there where it was cooler, instead of our hot bedroom. My backache and cramping was getting worse and I was restless. I'm sure my anxiety was heightening everything but I couldn't help it. I was able to sleep in 20 or 30 increments, but around 2am I woke up and started walking around. I was cranky and started snapping at Ian and was losing control. I have a panic disorder that I don't really like to talk about and it was rearing up big time. He put the sofa back together and tucked me in, speaking so softly and gently until I dozed off. He slept on the floor beside me until I woke up at 5am. We decided it was time to return to the hospital.

All the way there I was experiencing regular pains in my lower back. By the time we parked at the hospital I told Ian that something was happening. He said he knew, I was contracting every 2-3 minutes and they were lasting 30-40 seconds. I had to sit down on the way in and he would softly count backwards from 30 to 0 until the contraction passed.

Back in triage they put me back on the fetal monitor until Dr L came in. The contractions were coming closer together and I asked Ian to rub my lower back with his fist to counter the pain. I was so crabby and barked "Both hands! Use both hands! GOD GAVE YOU TWO OF THEM!" Shortly after we arrived, Dr L came in and checked me. I lost it. At one point I yelled at him to "Get out! Get the hell out!" when he was checking me. I felt bad for all the other women labouring alongside me.

Being that I'd never been in labour like this before, I wasn't sure of whether or not it was the real thing. I asked my nurse if my pain was registering on the monitor this time and she said one only had to look at me to know I was in active labour. She had me change into a gown and said we'd go to my room as soon as I was ready. Three contractions later I was ready to go. Ian helped me down the hall, patiently stopping every time I had another contraction. I told him that I couldn't deliver in any room, it had to be in a room where the bed faced West.

My two easiest deliveries were Sam and Jordan, and in both cases the bed was facing West. My most painful delivery was Julie's and the bed was facing East. I couldn't face East. No way.

We arrived at our room and sure enough, the bed was facing East. I told Ian I couldn't deliver there, but we went inside anyway. I was pacing around, dealing with this excruciating back labour, when my triage nurse came rushing in and told the current nurse that I panic disorder and couldn't deliver in an East facing room and needed to be moved immediately.

Holy pickles.

They moved me across the hall and sure enough... another East facing room. I didn't say anything at this point but that was more because I couldn't say much of anything. I was in the washroom and could hear a couple of nurses just outside the door talking about why I needed to be moved and "something about having Feng Shui issues". I shouted through the door - and a wicked contraction - "I DO NOT HAVE FENG SHUI ISSUES!!"

The nurse assigned to me was only there for about a half hour and was something else. She wanted me on my back on the bed, regardless of the pain I was in. Ian put on some classical music for me to focus on and she told him to turn it off because it was distracting. She couldn't find a vein to put my IV in, and had the anesthesiologist come in to do it. Once he had it in he began to set up for my epidural. I went to hold the nurse's hand and she said she didn't want me to hold her hand or her arm. She said I could hold her scrub jacket as long as I didn't rip it.

I could hardly understand anything the anesthesiologist was saying, but I did get "...you no move...you move....I stick you in wrong place...you get headache...ok?" then a minute later "you no move now...you move now...I stick you in wrong place....you go paralyzed...." The nurse just kept telling me to relax...relax...relax... UGH. I asked her when her shift was over and she said in 20 minutes. "I think that's going to be very good for the both of us," I said.

He was done at about 7:50 and Dr L came in at 8am to break my water. At that point I was 2 cm and he said he figured I would deliver between lunch and dinner. His on-call time was over, but said he'd be in the next morning to see me.

The back pain went away with the epidural, but suddenly I could feel my stomach hardening and see it rising with each contraction. And the pressure was unbelievable. I commented on it a few times and the on call doctor - Dr C - said the epidural takes care of the pain but not the pressure. I kept telling Ian there was no way I could endure that pressure for hours.

My new nurse was very calm and matter of fact. I liked her. She said she'd check me at 10am, but with all my moaning and groaning decided to check me at 8:45 instead. I think she intended to do it to placate me, but shocked us all by saying I was 8-9cm.

6-7 cm in 45 minutes??


Ian called my mom to update her. I was heartbroken that she couldn't be there this time, but she was with the children and they needed her. Ian put her on speaker so I could talk to her. I cried and told her I wished she was there and she said she wished she was too, but I could do this.

I heard my nurse sniffle.

Talking to mom gave me what I needed to keep going.

Dr C came back at 9am and checked me and I was fully dilated. He said I could feel free to start pushing with the next contraction.

I looked at the clock and told Ian I couldn't start pushing yet, because I couldn't have our baby born at 9:11, it was a bad luck number. Dr C and my nurse froze and looked at me. Ian said it didn't matter, but there was no way I was going to start pushing.

So there we waited, all looking at the digital clock on the wall until it clicked over to 9:12.

"Ok, we're good to go." I said.

"Ok let's go!" Dr C said.

That's when the room felt....electric. If you've had a baby then you know what I'm talking about. The speed in the room picks up, the blanket is laid over your chest, and you know you are minutes from being changed forever.

I heard Dr C instruct our nurse to call in the team.

Dr C: Push Kate!
Nurse: Push!
Ian: Push! You can do this!
Me: I am so excited right now!
All: PUSH!!!!
Me: OK!!

Three sets of pushes later and Matthew was born at 9:17 am. He was laid on my chest immediately and I broke down.

God let me have him after all.

After all my nightmares and spiritual attack, there he was. Perfect.

He was in the warming bed being cleaned up when the team arrived, now unneeded at this point.

I couldn't take my eyes off him.

He was perfect.

I fell in love with Ian all over again.

And there you have it... my little feller's birth story. If you made it this far, bless you!

Thank you, thank you, thank you for all of your prayers and words of encouragement. I wish I had the words to express how much they meant to me, and the strength they gave me.

I'm hoping to get some pictures of Matthew up to share with you. At this point I just cuddle him and stare at him in awe. But they'll come, I promise :-)


Friday, June 10, 2011

He's Here!


Matthew Gary Edward
Born June 9, 2011 at 9:17 am
Weighing 7 lbs 11 oz

Birth story to come soon... right now we're just soaking him in!


Tuesday, June 07, 2011

Birthday Eve

Hard to believe tomorrow is the "big day".

I am a mess of emotion.

So excited, yet incredibly nervous.

I always worry about my babies during delivery and tomorrow will be no exception.

I'm not sure how tomorrow will go, but I expect it to be a very long day. I was told to be ready by 8am and the hospital will call me when it's time to come in. That's what they said back when they were going to induce Jordan and they didn't call until 4:30ish, and even then I didn't get a room until 11:30 pm.

I expect that they will start me off with the gel and either send me home or have me walk around the hospital a bit. As for when the actual induction will start, I don't know.

So... it could be a very long day.

I'm so sad that my mom won't be there for this delivery. She's going to keep the children for us because my aunt (who was going to watch the children when I delivered) doesn't arrive until the 15th. I'm grateful they will be well cared for and in a place that makes them happy, but I'll miss having her there so much.

Ian has packed The Labour Shirt. He wears the same blue t-shirt for each delivery. I packed it away in my box of special things after Jordan was born, never imagining we'd need it again!

He wore the shirt when Sam was born, then it was a coincidence that he was wearing it again when Julie was born. As soon as I knew I was pregnant with Jordan I went looking for it!

I ramble when I'm nervous. Can you tell?

I was up all last night because it was so hot in the house and my mind was racing. I felt under such fierce spiritual attack. It was unbelievable. I eventually went downstairs and prayed and cried for hours. Ian came down in the early hours and sat with me, talking me through a bunch of stuff. I love that man with all of my heart. He is so good to me.

Jordan and I visited with my mom this morning, then Ian picked us up and we went to buy the 50% off incredibly overpriced uber stylish Eddie Bauer stroller.

Holy pickles ... that thing is nice. I hope some mother in the park doesn't try to roll me for it.

Ugh. I hate spending money.

Ok. I guess I should try to get some sleep so I won't be too exhausted tomorrow.

I may be back to ramble some more. If so, bear with me!

I can't wait to meet our son, and see his little nose and lips and tiny fingers. To feel his little head against my cheek, and rub his little back. And play with his tiny toes...

And I can't wait to introduce him to you.

Bye for now :-)


Monday, June 06, 2011

Bit Of This, Bit Of That

I'm loving being at home again.

I'm not loving the lack of a pay cheque to be at home, however.

But that's not what this post is about.

I love watching the big kids getting ready for school. I drove them myself on Friday and then stopped in to visit my mother all morning.

I love re-bonding with Jordan again. We've taken naps together in my bed for the last three days. I love feeling her hand stroking my face and hearing her whisper-soft voice telling me she loves me.

Today we went to the gas station around the corner to buy ourselves slushies, then sat and enjoyed them on the front porch while counting birds.

I'm enjoying her Jordan-speak. She loves to have "hepitch" on her hot dog. (ketchup). She wondered where her "bayving soup" went. (bathing suit) She can't wait for her little brother "Mattchew" to arrive. Her favourite meal is "yunch". (lunch)

Speaking of "Mattchew", Ian has been hard at work. He pulled out and cleaned our playpen and set it up in a corner of our living room underneath a window. Then he pulled out our baby swing. Tomorrow he will set up the crib in our room. He also found an incredible deal on an Eddie Bauer car seat/stroller combination for 50% off brand new. It's still a little costly, but I know we'll get that money back when we re-sell it. I just can't put him in Jordan's old grey and pink stroller... I just can't.

You understand that, don't you??

I thought we had another 3 weeks to prepare, and that felt like forever away. Now he's coming the day after tomorrow. Holy pickles! We have so much to do.

Which reminds me. I need to buy Ivory Snow laundry detergent. Oh how I love that smell on baby clothes. Once I even washed a load of my own clothes in it because I loved the smell so much. I didn't care that I smelled like a baby.

After school Ian took Sam to see the new X-men movie. He had some movie coupons to use before they expired and with how crazy this week is going to be, he wanted to spend some guy time with him. Once they come home, Ian is taking Julie to Pet Smart to get a guinea pig. My dear friend has offered us her employee discount which we certainly appreciate. We have everything for it already. It used to be Sam's cage (well, not Sam's, but his guinea pig's) before he outgrew it.

Again, the pig. Not Sam.

Sam's grade at school is in the process of doing the mandatory provincial testing for the next three days. I can't believe the pressure they've been putting on these kids to learn the content on the test, and then tripling up their regular lessons at the same time. I'll be glad when it's over for him on Wednesday.

Ian's been making sure I rest a lot and pretty much has me on lock down. Hard to believe that Wednesday is Birth Day. Lots and lots of emotions there.

That's about all I have to report for now. I'll check in again soon!


Thursday, June 02, 2011

Long Week

It's been a long week.

Monday morning I had my appointment with the anesthesiologist. It was 15 minutes of questions that could have been covered under a pre-admissions questionnaire and saved me $6.00 in parking.

However, when she took my blood pressure it was through the roof. All three times. To my surprise, she let me leave the hospital.

All day I felt lousy. I had a scheduled appointment with my doctor that afternoon. He asked me how I was feeling and I burst into tears, spilling my complaints. He took my blood pressure and found it to be extremely high as well, and there was a lot of protein in my urine. He asked me a few specific questions and then said he wanted me to head over to the hospital to Labour and Delivery right away. He said he would call over and not to be surprised if they were to induce me that night.

I managed to hold it together until I got to the car and called Ian to tell him. Afterwards I called my mom who assured me that if they did induce, Matthew was now big enough to be born safely.

By the time I got home, Ian had the children packed with overnight bags and ready to go. I threw some things into my suitcase and we headed over to mom's to deliver the children.

Once we got to the hospital we checked in, then were sent to triage for me to be assessed. The took a urine sample and did some blood work, and then hooked me up to the fetal monitor. I met with two obstetricians, one who after checking me, announced my cervix was not favourable and therefore would not induce. However, she wasn't going to send me home. Instead, she wanted to admit me for 24-48 hours for observation.

Ian stayed with me until I was well settled in my room then had to go home to let our dog out. More blood work and fetal monitoring, then I could go to sleep. It was so hard trying to get to sleep without my Ian next to me.

Beginning at 6 am on Tuesday they began a 24 hour urine collection (grody). I had an ultrasound in the morning, and a NST (non-stress test) in the afternoon. Both Matthew and I fell asleep during it, so what should have taken 20 minutes lasted 2 1/2 hours.


Ian came as soon as visiting hours began and I napped through most of his visit. My pastor came in mid-afternoon to visit with me, and then prayed over Matthew and me before heading off. Shortly after dinner, Ian came with the children. I felt like I hadn't seen them in forever!

Wednesday morning my doctor came in to check on me and said he understood that the admitting OB wanted me to hang on until I was 38 weeks before they induced me. He said he would be on call next Wednesday and to request that I be scheduled for that day. Later on I met with the admitting OB who agreed with my doctor, and I was cleared to leave. My blood pressure was good, my urine was good (umm... thanks?) and my blood work was just fine.

So, at this point the plan is to induce me on June 8th.


Early this morning, around 1am I started to get a headache, which is still pestering me to this very minute. I woke up from it several times during the night, and this morning had some nausea as well. Both are red flags for someone with pre-eclampsia. (ahem... me). I waited until late morning then called labour and delivery to tell them what was going on. I got as far as "headache" and "nausea" when the nurse said she'd heard enough and to come right in.

We dropped Jordan at my mom's and headed back to triage. More fetal monitoring, blood work and urine samples. I met with the resident (who looked younger than Doogie Howser) who checked me out completely. He met with the OB on duty and they both agreed to send me - and my headache - home.

I felt like I wasted everyone's time. I know it's better to be safe than sorry, but still... I felt like the boy that cried wolf.

So that's my week in a fragmented nut-shell. Matthew is fine and tolerating everything very well, and I am so thankful for that. The doctors' concern is for me and my health, which can take a turn for the worse very quickly.

I'm sorry for this drawn out and rambly post. My head is killing me and Ian is sending me to bed to rest.

I can't wait until Wednesday. I'll get to hold my precious son AND be done with pregnancy forever.