Saturday, May 31, 2008

Still FLYing..!

On May 1st I wrote a post called "We're FLYing!" and I thought I'd give a little update on that since it's now the last day of the month.

I challenged my family to make our beds every day for the month of May and I am so proud to report that we have all completed this challenge! Every single day our beds have been made and no one complained even once! The children are feeling so proud of themselves for doing this and I have loved climbing into a neat bed every night.

The first thing The FLYLady challenges a new beginner to do is to keep a shiny sink. It sets the mood for the day, she says. Well she's right!

Here is my shiny sink!

It's amazing how good it feels to know that my sink is clean and empty and that everything is put away in its place. The rest of my house may be in CHAOS but at least I can find refuge in front of my sink!

It's Bumbo Time!

Thanks to my dear friend Dawn for lending Jordan her Bumbo!

She's holding one of Ian's controllers for the PS3. I think Ian is planning on raising another gamer.

...and then she starts to slump....LOL.

I think she's happy to have discovered that there's more to the view of life than just a ceiling.

Friday, May 30, 2008

Jordan's 2 Month Apointment

Today my little chubb-chubb had her 2 month appointment.

She now weighs 11 lbs and is 60 cm long. She's in the 78th percentile whatever that means.

She got her first round of vaccinations today and did really well. I am a huge wimp so my mom came to the appointment with me and she held Jordan while she got the two shots, and I stood out in the hallway.

Yes I know. A GOOD mother would have stayed. LOL.

I gave her some Tempra right after and then again about 4 hours later. So far she hasn't been crabby or run a fever, but slept a lot today. I'll give her one last dose before bedtime and that will be it.

I can't believe she is two months old already. I am loving every minute with her!

In Other News....

Yesterday I visited with my friend Dawn. She and I have known each other since we were pregnant with our sons ten years ago but really only became close when she was losing her father to cancer. How heartbreaking that time was for her.

Dawn's and my friendship is a really strange one. We talk daily and share just about everything going on in our lives, but we don't actually get to see each other face to face all that often.

Well, yesterday I visited with her and her adorable 13 month old son, Julian. He is SO CUTE! He even gave me a couple of hugs and kisses. My daughter, however, wouldn't settle with Dawn. (Ha!)

Dawn knew how badly I wanted a Bumbo for Jordan and she loaned me Julian's! She looks SO CUTE sitting in it! She doesn't really know what to do with herself while she's sitting there.

She also lent us a play mat that has little animals hanging over her and plays music. Very catchy tunes I must say. She lay underneath it for quite awhile this afternoon, smiling and cooing and kicking her little legs. I think it's a hit.

Thanks again for loaning them to us, Dawn!

I always feel sad after a visit with her because I never know when we'll get together again. Life gets in the way but at least we have our webcams!

Emotionally Spent

What a week. I feel like my emotions have been run through the ringer and I am tired.

This week I had a very angry encounter with my nephew. I have eluded to some trouble in my family and sadly he is a very large part of that. I just let loose on him, yelling and yelling. I said things to him about what he has done that I have been carrying in my heart for over two years. Things I have never expressed before. He just stood there and took it all.

When my sister caught wind that I did that she was not pleased. What followed was a series of emails back and forth that were angry and hurtful. For years I have let her pound on me like a punching bag (metaphorically speaking) and didn't retaliate and in the last number of years she has been pounding on Ian. The hate and anger that this woman can express is nothing short of heartbreaking. She really let me know what she thought of me. And in return, for the first time, I let her know what I thought of her.

And I didn't hold back.

So I went ahead and let her know what I thought of her, the choices she has made in her life, what I thought of the way she treated people and more. I just broke. The things that were said - on both sides - were pretty mean. Things that won't be forgotten for a long time, if ever.

Hours later, once I calmed down, I started to feel pretty ashamed of myself. This is not the person I want to be - angry, mean, hurtful. I have tried so hard to live a life of integrity, grace and maturity and I feel as though I've lost all credibility in those areas because of this. I proudly call myself a Christian yet I acted like anything but.

Later that night when the children were in bed and it was just Jordan and me, I put on some worship music and just spent time with the Lord, talking to Him about what I had done and how I felt. I have been spending almost every night scouring my bible for verses on forgiveness and I felt ashamed at my behaviour. After awhile I sat in silence not knowing what else to say to Him. Ian and I talked about it for awhile before I went up to bed. He is always so supportive and loving towards me. He understood that I had reached my breaking point.

I thought she was coming to a place where she could take ownership of some of the problems in our family situation. I wanted to bring my children to see her this weekend as she hasn't seen them for a year and a half. Because of the hateful things she said about my family, it will be a long time before she will be able to see them again. That makes me so sad.

Today was interesting. My nephew asked to speak to me privately and thanked me for yelling at him this week. He said that he hoped I was able to express what I was feeling and holding inside me and that it would help me to begin healing. I was shocked. I thanked him for standing there and taking it from me, that I had said to my mother that very day that I don't think I would have stood there while someone yelled at me that way, but he did.

He also expressed concern for the way his mother treated me and that he would make it stop. I told him he had enough on his plate to deal with without having to sort out my relationship with his mother. She puts him through too much for him to take on that burden.

My heart feels lighter tonight. I stood up to my sister this week. Not with the class and grace I wish I had, but I stood up to her nonetheless. My nephew showed concern for my healing. I had a chance to let him know that I still loved him and that we believe in a God of second chances and to take his second chance and use it to become the great man we all believe he can be. I hope he heard me.

Thursday, May 29, 2008

Baby Smiles

4:30 am is Jordan's and my time together. It doesn't matter what time she goes to bed the night before, she will always wake at 4:30. I no longer struggle with getting up at this hour. Instead I now look forward to it. It's just us.

Early this morning I woke up at our usual time. I didn't wake up to the soft cries of my baby daughter. I woke up in anticipation of our time together. I lay there for almost 20 minutes until I could hear her stirring.

Once I changed and fed her, she lay all snug in my arms and beamed the biggest most beautiful smile at me. I smiled back, filled with love for this little creature that joined us exactly two months ago today.

She kept on smiling, each one bigger than the last until I was laughing out loud. I was afraid I would wake Ian with my laughter.

There we were, in the middle of the night, smiling at each other. What precious moments they were.

As her eyes slowly closed and she began to drift off to sleep she still had a smile on her face.

I am completely in love with this little girl.

Monday, May 26, 2008

The Art Of Forgiveness

"Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?" Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times." Matthew 18:21-22

Yesterday I had a conversation (a highly emotionally charged conversation!) with a close friend of mine who is struggling with people who have hurt her deeply in the past, as well as those who continue to hurt her to this day. She was struggling with the concept of forgiveness and doubted her ability and willingness to do it. I completely get where she is coming from.

That conversation really got me thinking. Forgiveness is something I struggle with. Sometimes I just don't want to do it. Flat out don't want to do it. Some things just don't deserve forgiveness, right? How can we forgive someone, let them off the hook and have them think what they did was ok? If I forgive someone, doesn't that lessen my pain?


What I have come to learn is that forgiveness, more often than not, has nothing to do with the person who hurt you. It's about you. It's giving yourself permission to let go and begin to heal. It isn't saying that what that person did was ok. It's simply allowing yourself to move forward.

Ian and I had to learn the art of forgiveness under incredibly difficult circumstances but don't think for a second that it came easily. We have survived a season of heartbreak that few people (I pray) will ever know. We are left with broken pieces to pick up, and forgiveness continues to be a work in progress. I prayed for warm, fuzzy feelings of forgiveness to wash over me. But they never came. I prayed for a forgiving heart. It didn't come. Finally I asked God what He wanted me to do and He softly spoke to my heart and told me to make the choice to forgive, and to trust in Him to bring the healing. So I did it. Even though every fibre of my being was screaming at me not to do it, His voice in my heart was loudest.

Last night I was doing my nightly devotions and it was about forgiveness. The author said that “forgiveness is giving up the right to punish”. That really hit me. It SO isn’t about letting the other person off the hook for what they did, nor is it telling them that you are ok with what they did. It’s giving yourself permission to move forward. There is such relief in putting down the anger and forgiving. Its so exhausting being angry, resentful and bitter.

I have many broken areas of my life that need grace and forgiveness. I have been hurt very deeply, many times. But to be completely truthful, I have hurt others as well. Sometimes more than once by doing the same things.

Another thing I have learned is that people will reap what they sow. We may not be around to see their reaping, but I know it happens. It isn't up to us to exact punishment for what someone else has done to us.

"Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord. On the contrary:
“If your enemy is hungry, feed him;
if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.
In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.” Romans 12:17-21.

I know my day will come when I am face to face with my Redeemer and I will have to account for what I have done - both good and bad. Knowing that he took the weight of my sin onto Himself and forgave me, it is impossible for me not to extend that same grace to those who have sinned against me.

My friend is beaten down by years of being hurt. She is done with it. She has tried to fight back with kindness and love but the hurt just keeps on comin'. "Why do I even bother?" she shouted at me yesterday as she cried as though her heart would break. I told her that she "bothers" because God created her to, and He put a beautiful and loving heart inside her to help her. God created her that way. Isn't that just so beautiful?

People are going to be mean. Love them anyway. People are going to hurt you. Make the choice to forgive them and trust in our Heavenly Father to heal and restore us. He will not leave us or fail us. We can count on that.

Sunday, May 25, 2008

Girl Time

I'm feeling so much better today. I really needed to go to church this morning to worship the Lord with my church family. I need to get back on track and eliminate some of this background noise in my head. The sermon today was on love and I really enjoyed it. The songs we sang were some of my favourites and often humble me and I cry. Joyful tears. Grateful tears.

After church Julie and I had some girl time together. We originally thought we would go and get our nails done but then thought Downey's Farm might be a nice change since it was such a gorgeous day. We've been there many times and for many years bought our pumpkins there. They have a little petting zoo area that Julie wanted to see and I like the little store they have.

I was very surprised when they told me it would be $5 each to go in to see the animals (goats, sheep and 3 cows!). Downey's Farm is a nice place to take the kids, but it's a shame that they have started trying to make a buck off every single thing they have there. I went ahead and paid the fee anyway because it was our time together and if she wanted to pet dirty animals, then dirty animals she would pet!

We laughed so hard when we got into the goat pen. Those animals know when you have something in your hand and they assume its food! One of them tried to eat my cell phone! I got some of the feed out of the machine and tried to give it to Julie but she said she didn't want to give it to them and told me to feed them. Right as I was trying to explain to her that I didn't want some dirty goat licking my hand and leaving its cooties on me, one of them stood up and put their poop covered feet on my shirt! I screamed in surprise and yelled "here!" at them and threw all the feed on the ground and ran off, dragging Julie behind me. We collapsed against the fence laughing until tears ran down our faces. Jules had the best time re-enacting my dramatic exit. I love when I make her laugh ~ she laughs with her whole body. She has the best laugh.

There wasn't a heck of a lot there for her age group. A teeny mini golf area that would fit in my living room and some toddler areas to play. She did find a little track where children could ride tricycles around and she had a ball doing that. It was a great day to be together.

It's amazing how a couple of hours alone together restores our relationship to that special mother/daughter bond. I got the opportunity to spend quality alone time focussing on my daughter and she got to be #1 with Mom and didn't have to compete with her siblings for attention.

My favourite part of our entire time together was when we were strolling across the grass and I felt her tiny hand slip into mine. That has to be one of my most favourite feelings in the entire world and I close my eyes and thank God for my children every time I get to feel it. Soon enough the day will come when they won't want to hold my hand any more so I'm savouring it now.

We left there and went to McD's for ice cream. Julie thinks they make the best ice cream EVER! That makes me laugh... she is so sweet.

When we got home, Ian headed out with Sam to see the new Indiana Jones movie. I couldn't believe the size of the popcorn bucket Ian bought for Sam and he actually ate almost all of it!! And still had dinner when he got home! His appetite is certainly growing... On Friday night he ate TWO Happy Meals. Ian and I just looked at each other and asked what would it be like when he was a teenager.

I have been feeling exceptionally tired today even though Ian did Jordan's middle of the night feeding last night so I could sleep through. I felt so tired I actually started to drift off in church a couple of times which is very unlike me. I'm actually heading up to bed now... at the same time as my children! LOL.

Saturday, May 24, 2008


I have been such a major crabasaurus today you wouldn't believe it unless you saw me in action. I have been cross with everyone in this house plus a few people at Walmart. I don't remember being this crusty since I was pregnant!

I cried three times before lunch.

My inlaws came today to help us with the house. Ian, his dad and Sam painted our garage, front post pillars and front door. It looks so fresh and new out there now. Now I want the lawn and garden fixed up so they match!

Ian's mom, Julie and I worked in my bathroom peeling wallpaper. What an AWFUL job. I started complaining about three minutes into the job. My mother-in-law is so task oriented. She will start something and not stop until she is done. I am not that way. I started off saying "my this job is unpleasant". That escalated to "ugh.. this sucks..." then it was "do you ever want to swear when you are doing a job like this, Mum? Because I am feeling like I want to shout the F-word a few times" and then finally "oh my gosh I want to slit my wrists right about now!" She just kept working, patient as ever. As we were wrapping up for the day she said that she always felt so good having accomplished something like this. I replied that I felt like killing someone.

Sam helped peel too and between him and Julie they were absolutely tireless. They even continued to peel and scrape long after my inlaws left! Sam said he wanted "to knock this job off the list" followed by Julie's "absolutely!"

Those kids amazed me today. Between trips to the storage unit with Ian to unload boxes, to scraping wallpaper, painting, delivering laundry to the proper rooms, to helping tidy up wherever needed... they were unbelievable. If there was a task to be done, they were there to do it, no complaints. We are so proud of them.

At one point (ok, many points, but I'm being specific here) I was feeding Jordan and just feeling so overwhelmed with the huge mess everywhere in the house and I started to cry. Kind of hard. Julie came out of the bathroom and stroked my cheek and said "Aww Mom... what can I do for you? What do you need from me?"

This child is SEVEN! I had to just close my eyes and praise the Lord for this beautiful child, for the loving and compassionate heart He put inside her.

Ian ran one of his awesome candlelit bubble baths for me and I read my bible while I soaked. I feel so distant from Him lately and my mind is filled with so much noise that I haven't heard Him speaking to me. I prayed over and over that He would bring me back to Him.

I'm glad this day is over. I have been so hard on everyone and in return they have treated me with such love. I have an amazing family and today I didn't deserve them. All I can do is try to be better for them ~ and to them ~ tomorrow.

Friday, May 23, 2008

Yay It's Friday!

I love Fridays. Tonight's feature is Return to Oz and we're eating McD's. Good times.

Mom and I headed over to Ikea after taking the children to school this morning. After enjoying our $1.00 breakfast we took our time leisurely strolling through the various departments. I love this store and always find things I would love to buy. Although I showed great reserve at my last visit two weeks ago, I did buy a couple of things. Two packages of coloured napkins - tangerine and lime - and a lovely burgundy coloured throw for a chair in my livingroom. I needed something to drape over one of the arms because our cat had ripped the fabric with his claws and then it just got worse from there.

I love days like this when I can spend time with my mom. I know, I know... I see her just about every single day! Still.. it's nice to go out somewhere together. As usual we talked about everything and had lots of laughs.

Tomorrow will be a busy day. Ian's parents are coming to visit to help us with the house. Ian and his dad are going to work on the exterior and will paint the garage, porch pillars and front door (YAY! My front door looks so awful). His mom is going to re-wallpaper my main level bathroom because there are bits and pieces that have been ripped off by someone. ("someone" in this instance would be Sam and/or Julie!) I could probably patch up those spots but it would look really lame. I will continue packing and cleaning and watching my little ones. We're really hoping to knock off a lot of jobs tomorrow. Sunday... more packing, etc. I can't wait until we've removed as much as we can so that I can start painting inside.

In other news... apparently my sister is now moving back home. My nephew called her a couple of days ago and asked her to move back. Long story short, she has put in her notice to her landlord. She told my mother that she made her feel guilty and is now transferring that guilt onto my nephew. Unbelievable.

As I've mentioned before, my sister and I do not have any sort of relationship whatsoever. We never really have which is really sad. Due to some devastating events within our family we "officially" stopped talking a year and a half ago. However she has had many battles with Ian and said some terribly hurtful things to him, about him, about us and about our children. We have not permitted her to see our children because we couldn't trust her to keep her anger towards us in check when she was with them. And she wasn't told about my pregnancy until my 8th month. Needless to say, she has not seen Jordan yet either. This makes my heart hurt so much.

Where am I going with this... well, I'm feeling this pull to bring Jordan to my mother's the next time my sister is there. I was thinking of letting her visit with the baby for a short period while I wait on the porch. I don't want her to think that I am extending an olive branch because I'm not. I just want her to see my baby.
What's the point of that? I know, I know...I have often asked myself this question. The answer is that I don't know. I guess I will always want her to be proud of me yet I suspect that she isn't capable of that. Ian and my mom say she is jealous of me. I don't want her to be. I just want her to love me and to be happy for me and I want to be able to share my children with her. She isn't here until the 30th so I have lots of time to pray about it. We'll see what happens.

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Thankful Thursday

Today I am thankful for...

~ A Heavenly Father who loves me and forgives me time and time again. For gently nudging me back on track when I start to drift, and for always meeting me where I am

~ A husband who loves me above everyone else on this earth, who puts me first in all things, who loves his children like the precious gifts they are (and he changes diapers willingly!! BONUS!)

~ My three children, for their health and the amazing qualities that make each of them so special. God has formed each one so perfectly and gifted them in wonderful ways

~ A wonderful mother who does everything she can, every time she can, to help me and support me with whatever I may need

~ A wealth of friends that fill my heart with such love, who are there for me not only when things are going well, but are also when I am broken

~ For the promise of new beginnings in a new home, even though we have a lot of work to do before we can list our current home

~ For my new keyboard! Our old one died this week

~ For the return of Steeped Tea from Tim Hortons!!!

Season Finales

It's that time of year... season finale time!

Dancing With The Stars ~ definitely a great show! I love that it isn't like the other reality shows that are manipulative or mean (ie; Big Brother, Amazing Race). It's entertaining and clean. I like that. I'm not particularly happy that Kristi Yamaguchi won. I think she went into the competition with an edge over everyone else from her skating days. But I did love her partner Mark Ballas so I guess it was ok.

American Idol ~ Way to go David Cook! You just knew he'd win it from the moment he opened his mouth. The way he could take a song and make it his own was so entertaining.

Desperate Housewives ~ What the heck is with the 5 year flash forward?!? Gabby with kids? I thought she couldn't have them after her miscarriage! And little pudgy kids to boot! LOL. I love that the wives have accepted Katherine into their fold. What a great storyline that was. I knew Dylan wasn't her birth daughter! I CALLED IT! What is Bree doing back with Orson? And of course, the question everyone will be asking until the show returns... what happened to Mike???

Tonight is the season finale of Grey's Anatomy. Sigh. I like this show. I hope that Derek and Meredith just get back together already. Honestly. Enough of that for the love of pete. And we need a new George storyline for next season! I wonder what is going on with Ava that she thinks she is pregnant...Is Dr. Hahn gay? Will Dr. Bailey reconcile with her husband? What about the cheif and his wife? I hope this finale answers my pressing questions!

And next week is the season finale of LOST. I LOVE this show. I hate that it won't be on for another 8 months. Ahh well. At least we know 6 of them get off the island. But I bet it will be a huge cliffhanger.

Thank goodness Dr. Phil and I have our daily appointment at 3pm. I don't know what I would do if he had a season finale.

Wednesday, May 21, 2008


Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, "Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?" And I said, "Here I am. Send Me!" - Isaiah 6:8

Tonight was the commissioning service at the church for our friends Barb and Gerry as they prepare to leave for the DR of Congo, Africa this Saturday to serve in the mission field for the next two years.

I can still remember sitting in their backyard on that warm summer evening as they told me how they had applied to a company called Medair and were hoping to be accepted and placed in Africa to serve the Lord as fulltime missionaries. It was inconceivable to me that two people with a lovely home, good jobs and a wealth of family and friends would leave all that behind. I felt my chest tighten because I could not imagine them not being here.

This has not an easy process for them. It's taken them a lot of thought and prayer, and ultimately placing themselves squarely in the palm of God's hand and trusting Him completely. It has been a blessing to have been able to see faith in action, to see two followers of Christ not only listen for the call of the Lord but to then step out in complete faith to trust Him.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

Tonight we gathered as a church family to pray over them as they prepare to leave. Their house group put on a great skit with a song tailored to them. The Jr High Youth Group had a send off for them as well. Gerry brought Fear Factor to this group and they were pretty nervous as to what the Jr Highs might try to get them to eat! Apparently one of their favourites is a Happy Meal (complete with drink) mixed in a blender then you drink it. Gross right? Not as gross as putting an Alka Seltzer in your mouth and then taking a drink of club soda and keeping it in your mouth to see who can last the longest. Ugh! My personal favourite is one he demonstrated for us years ago: jam slathered onto bare feet then wiped with two pieces of bread. Yep..,you guess it... then you eat it. LOL. Oh the things I missed not having ever been on a youth retreat. (not!)

It was very powerful to sit in the sanctuary as we all prayed over them, thanking the Lord for their lives, for their willingness to be His light in the darkness, to follow His will for their lives, for protection for them, for those of us left behind. For inspiring us to be better Christians. Lots of tears were flowing. These are such quality people. You don't encounter that very often in this world.

It was hard to hug them goodbye, knowing it will be an entire year before we see them again when they come to visit us. I am so lousy with goodbyes! I cry every time and last night was so different.

I am excited for them as they prepare to embark on this journey. I know they will impact the people of Bunia as deeply as they have impacted us here in our city. I can't wait to hear of the things they are doing in His name.

Thank you, Gerry and Barb. Thank you for showing us what faith in action truly looks like. Until we meet again....

"...being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." Philippians 1:6

Whiny Wednesday

I cannot believe all the things I am finding while I'm packing up cupboards and closets.

An unopened bottle of red wine from my wedding 12 years ago.

Wedding gifts never out of their original packaging.

My favorite apple pie recipe that I was sure was gone forever.

About 20 boxes of jello. Who owns that much jello? And why??

I even have a food processor. Who knew?

I know this is a work in process and we're only a 1/3 of the way in, but I am frustrated. I'm not going to lie ... I'm not having a good time. We are such packrats!! Everything is saved "in case" we need it. "Someday" we might use it. Ugh.

In the midst of all this chaos my housework has slipped. I just feel as though we are living in a pig pen right now and it's overwhelming. I know it's a temporary situation but still... I am not having a good time. I guess I just need to whine about it to get it out of my system.

On our way back from the storage place we drove around to look at a few houses from the outside that were for sale, just to see what neighbourhoods they were in, things like that. Some were really nice. One I really liked but it's pretty far from the three places we want to stay close to: My mom, our church and the children's school. It's fun to look.

Ok... I think I'm feeling better.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

I Want A Bumbo

This is a Bumbo. It's a little seat type deal for babies that can't yet sit on their own. I've decided that Jordan absolutely needs to have one of these.

Today Ian and I went to Babies R Us to check these things out. As we were going into the store I was thinking in my head that if they were more than $24.99 we weren't getting one because I am cheap that way.

Forget the $24.99! These things are $59.99!!!!

Needless to say we left without buying one. I cannot justify that expense when she already has a swing and a Jumperoo.

I even checked out Ebay and even if I ordered one there it would still be close to the price of a new one once shipping is added.

I'm going to cave and buy one. I know I am. Sigh.

It's Happening...

Well, we're really doing it. We're really going to sell our house. There is so much to be done it's almost overwhelming. Things are pretty chaotic around here.

We've started packing up a lot of our belongings to reduce the amount of "stuff" in the house so that it will show better. We rented a storage unit this morning and have already taken a load over. I think Ian is heading over again this evening. My good china and crystal is being moved to my mom's basement this afternoon.

I can't believe it. I've wanted to move for so long but the timing never seemed right and there was always something stopping us. With Jordan's arrival we are completely out of space. Besides that, it's time to go now. Things are falling into place and it's time. It feels so strange. I am excited for a new home, a new beginning. But at the same time I am so sad. This was our first home. We drove by every single day while it was being built. Our children were born here. There are wonderful memories in this house. But... we will make more wonderful memories in our new home.

The children are very on board with this which helps a lot. At first Julie couldn't talk about it without crying, but now she is very excited. They wanted to be able to stay close to their Gram (my mom), and attend the same school and church. All of these things are important to Ian and me as well. I am sure there will be tears all around on moving day. Still... that is a way's off.

My friend lives on my street and she listed her home a week ago and it sold yesterday. This is very encouraging to us.

Well... back to it!

Saturday, May 17, 2008

How much mess can one little 7 year old girl make?

A COLOSSAL MESS. That's what.

I have been cleaning Julie's room today. I have been pulling crap out from underneath her bed and behind her dresser... her closet is a everywhere....damn Polly Pocket crap... I SWEAR Polly's accessories multiply and scatter while we are sleeping.

All her barbies are naked. All of them. Where are the clothes? I have no idea. And the sole male barbie she has is headless. Where is his head? With the missing clothing I imagine.


She is store housing socks. Maybe she fears there will be a shortage. I am finding them everywhere, balled up no less.

Oh how I love this child.

Very Busy Weekend

Ian is off for five days and we have SO much to do to get this house ready to sell. Lots of clutter to get rid of, stuff to be moved to a storage unit, packing to be done. I hope we can keep a good pace going to accomplish as much as we can.

Last night we shook up our Family Night a bit. Instead of our usual pizza/movie date we all headed to the car wash to clean the van. Ian and the children power washed the outside while Jordan and I watched from inside. Then Ian and I vacuumed out the inside while the children windexed the windows and wiped out the mystery messes in their cup holders. Miss Jordan supervised.

Afterwards we all headed to McD's and the children played while Ian and I talked (and flirted!)

Jordan slept 6 1/2 hours in a row! Ian put her in her crib at 10 pm and we didn't hear from her until 4:30 am! I am hoping for a repeat performance this evening.

Well I am off... much to do!

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Insert Deep Dramatic Sigh Here

You won't believe what Julie has on her arm from yesterday. A hickey. Yep. You read that right. She was "bored" in class and decided to suck on her arm. Its absolutely huge. She must have run out of flavour in that arm because she started in on the other one. Honestly. I am not naive... I always knew the day would come when my daughter would come home with a hickey. I just didn't ever expect it to be self imposed at the age of seven.


I am not feeling well. I have lost my voice and Ian keeps teasing me. I am sore all over and very tired. Yesterday I went to my mom's as usual and she took the children to school and then sent me to bed. I slept from 9:30 until 2:00. I didn't know I needed that much rest.


Today I stayed home with the full intent of getting some clutter spots cleared out. Jordan was a dream all day but I felt so run down I didn't accomplish anything. Then at 5:10 Jordan started screaming and crying for an hour. Nothing I did would settle her down. I've endured her fussy periods before but this was something entirely off the charts. She was absolutely inconsolable. I figured she had gas so I was walking the floor with her and alternating between patting and rubbing while she screamed louder and louder. Pretty soon we were both crying! Finally she burped and then let out this huge sigh of relief and then sank against my shoulder. Poor thing.


Ian is going to run me a bubble bath and then I will go to bed early. I have so much to do around here and I don't have time to be sick.

Sunday, May 11, 2008

Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day to all my dear friends. I hope your day is as wonderful as mine has been and that you have been honoured in some way by your children.

This morning I woke very well rested since Ian got up with Jordan during the night so I could sleep through. Thank you Ian! (I wasn't crusty at all today!)He and the kids brought me flowers, tea, OJ and fresh cinnamon buns in bed. Ian gave me an ABBA cd(LOVE you Ian!!!) and my perfume that is impossible to find. Sam and Julie each gave me a rose that says "I love you!", "Happy Mother's Day!" and "Thank you for all that you do!" when you press them and Jordan gave me a set of mugs that say "I love Mommy" on them. Lots of cards and notes and Sam gave me a plant that he started at school for me. It was a wonderful start to the day.

We went to church for the 11 am service and all the mothers got carnations from the kids. Sam and Julie each chose yellow ones for me. At one point I looked down at Jordan expecting to see her still sleeping in my arms but instead was greeted with a huge smile. She has a dimple in her left cheek! She made a few people around us laugh when she passed gas twice during prayer time. I could have done without that part..LOL. A few people held her after the service and we headed home.

Ian and I had a great discussion this afternoon while the children played outside and Jordan napped. We were able to work through a few issues together which is always a good thing. It was really nice.

Ian made dinner as well - his famous IAN Tower (get it? CN...Ian....) of pancakes. YUM! He also put strawberries and banana slices around the plate. Very pretty presentation. Dessert was apple pie and ice cream. I have been wanting apple pie for a couple of weeks now and he must have remembered. He is so sweet.

Sam, Julie and Jordan ~ thank you for my wonderful day! You are such beautiful blessings and I truly love being your mother.

Ian ~ thank you for all the special touches you put on my day, for the gifts and cards and perfume! Thank you for making me feel so special and for honouring me and supporting in my role as mom.

Saturday, May 10, 2008

St Jacobs

Today Ian and I headed out to St Jacobs with the kids to look around. I have only been there once and that was when I was pregnant with Sam. Ian had gone to look at cowboy boots and I suddenly felt like I was going to faint and two lovely amish ladies sat me down and got me water.

Today was gorgeous and it was so nice to walk around without having to wear a sweater. I came across a booth with glassware that had beautiful flowers painted on them. I ended up buying a vase with pink flowers on it to give my mom for mother's day. It is really gorgeous and I kind of wish I bought two of them so I could keep one. Ian told me to go back but I didn't. Oh well.. it will give me a reason to go back (girl's-day-road-trip Jen!)

We checked out the outlet mall and that's where things got weird. There is a group called the Red Hat Society. It's a women's only group that does some charity fundraising and goes on outings together (teas, ball games, etc). You will recognize them by their large red hats and purple outfits. If you are under 50 you wear pink hats and lavender clothing, over 50 you wear red hats and purple clothing. Anyway, I digress.

At this mall there was a bunch of "Red Hats" shopping. Everywhere Jordan and I went we were approached by these women. They fawned over my "absolutely gorgeous" baby, touching her (ugh) and rubbing her face (double ugh). A couple of them actually FOLLOWED us from one store to another before apologizing for staring at her but she was "absolutely gorgeous"! Ok, thanks ladies but you're creeping me out!

Ian had taken Sam and Julie upstairs to see the Lego store and once we hooked up again I was ready to go. I'd had enough of people touching my baby! I never know what to say and "stop touching my baby!" seems so rude.

We stopped for dinner at Swiss Chalet on our way home and I stepped out of my comfort zone and ordered something different. Oooh Kate... livin' on the edge!

Sam and Julie played outside with their bubble maker and made a few new friends. It's the first year they've been allowed to play outside without us so they haven't met any of these kids before. I hope they don't get too attached to them because we are still planning on moving!

Friday, May 09, 2008


Oh how I love Ikea!

Mom and I dropped the children off at school then headed over to Ikea to look around. Honestly.. that place has so much to see you almost need to spend a day there.

We found tons of things we liked then had lunch there. We had a bowl of pasta and a slice of garlic bread for $2.49! What a deal.

I wasn't looking for anything in particular but saw things I would like. Little juice glasses perfect for little hands...a gorgeous vase for $1.99...bunk beds that Julie would just love... on and on. I showed excellent reserve and didn't buy anything. Sigh.

Two elderly ladies were fussing over Jordan while we were having for lunch. They both knew boys named Jordan and didn't I know Jordan was a boy's name? They were surprised that she was only 6 weeks old and "mothers today just don't wait very long to take their babies out!"

We were pooped by the time we left. Mom bought some coloured plates and cups for the children to use when they are at her house.

I can't wait to go back!

Thursday, May 08, 2008

Happiness Is....

.... making my husband laugh at my silliness and him making me laugh big belly laughs at his silliness

.... a spontaneous kiss and a "you know what Mom? I love you..." from Sam

..... quiet time spent with Julie after school, polishing her nails and talking about things that matter to her, and the look of total excitement when her tooth came out unexpectedly and the promise of a visit from the Tooth Fairy

.... another bouquet of dandelions from my children telling me yet again that they think of me when we are apart and want me to be happy and to feel special

.... quiet time spent cuddling Jordan when she is all warm and sleepy

.... a lazy visit with my mom talking about everything and nothing

.... a full tray of ice cubes when I want some in the diet pepsi that I keep forgetting to put in the fridge

All of these things I got to experience today alone. Not a bad day. Not bad at all.

Wednesday, May 07, 2008


Success is mine!

Today I was able to get Jordan to nap someplace OTHER than in my arms.

Don't get me wrong, nothing makes me happier than arms full of a sleeping baby BUT my house is going to pot! It took me a couple of runs at it but I was able to get her to sleep in her playpen today.

With this newfound freedom I was able to....

~ Fold a basket of laundry
~ Tidy up the bathroom
~ Straighten up the livingroom
~ Windex my windows (it was about time!)
~ Straighten up the desk
~ Wash AND put away all the dirty dishes
~ Cooked a roast dinner
~ Booked an appointment for the Canadian Diabetes Association to pick up some donations
~ Completed TONS of thank you notes that I was falling behind on (she's five weeks old and the gifts just keep coming in!)
~ Talked with my mother on the phone
~ Had a 20 minute catnap

Not bad! It's now 10:30 and I am pooped! But in a really good way. There is still so much to do around here but at least I have a couple of places to go where things are in order!

That's about all I have the energy to blog about. There is always something happening around here that is blog-worthy but I am so d-o-n-e tonight.

Tuesday, May 06, 2008

Joke of the Day

A man was being tailgated by a stressed out woman on a busy boulevard. Suddenly, the light turned yellow, just in front of him. He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection.

The tailgating woman was furious and honked her horn, screaming in frustration as she missed her chance to get through the intersection, dropping her cell phone and makeup.

As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer. The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up. He took her to the police station where she was searched, finger printed, photographed, and placed in a holding cell. After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the door. She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects.

He said, "I'm very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping off the guy in front of you, and cussing a blue streak at him. I noticed the 'What Would Jesus Do' bumper sticker, the 'Choose Life' License plate holder, the 'Follow Me to Sunday-School' bumper Sticker, And the chrome-plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk, Naturally...

I assumed you had stolen the car."

Monday, May 05, 2008


This afternoon when I picked up the children after school they each greeted me with bouquets of dandelions that they had picked especially for me.

To most people, dandelions are annoying weeds that cover lawns and won't go away.

To me, they were two handfuls of love from two little people who were thinking of me and how to make me happy.

Thank you, my little ones. I love you so much.

Sunday, May 04, 2008

My Daughters

I just had to post this picture of my two beautiful daughters.

Dedication Day

Today was Jordan's Dedication and it was lovely. She looked so angelic today, I can't even describe it. She slept so peacefully during the dedication portion, then when our Pastor held her and prayed over her, she opened her eyes and gazed up at him, almost as if taking in everything he was saying. The children joined us for the ceremony and I was so proud to be up there with my family. The Lord has blessed me so abundantly.

My mom came! A part of me thought that something would come up and she wouldn't be able to make it, but she was there. My heart was so full of praise for God as I sat beside her, worshipping Him together. I looked down the row at my husband, children, mother and inlaws and my eyes filled with tears as I silently thanked God for bringing us all together for the first time in over a year.

We took lots and lots of pictures then went out for lunch together afterwards. I was so worried that her day wouldn't be special, but it was. So much more than I could have hoped for.

Saturday, May 03, 2008

Busy Weekend!

Lots going on this weekend. Today Sam and Julie are going to a birthday party and then I am going to a baby shower.

The mother-to-be this shower is for is 16 and while I don't know her personally, I do know her mother so I am going for her. This family has really touched my heart. My friend *K* has survived two rounds of cancer - thyroid cancer ten years ago and then breast cancer two years ago. She is a true survivor. They have two biological children, two adopted children and two foster children. And in a few short weeks she will have her first grandchild. Her daughter *G* has turned away from God since *K*'s second round of cancer and even now cannot bring herself to turn back. How I wish I could tell her that His love for her remains the same and that He stands ready to meet her wherever she is, all she has to do is ask. I cannot imagine what I would think if my 16 year old daughter came home and told me she was pregnant. Not the plans I would have had for her, for certain. But, there is purpose in everything and I can't wait to see what God does with this.

Tonight Ian and I are going to a going away party for friends of our who are leaving in a couple of weeks to serve The Lord in the DR of Congo, Africa for two years. It will be an emotional night for sure. I am so inspired at how they are following His will for their lives. They have pushed aside their doubts, fears, worries and insecurities to listen to Him. Wow. They sold their home, cars and possessions. They will say their goodbyes over the next couple of weeks and then they will be gone. I can't believe it. I will feel their absence deeply, but just as He will care for them while they are away, He will soothe their loss in my heart. Tonight's party is for family and close friends only but the church will hold a commissioning service and send off for them on the 21st. That will be a powerful night of worship and prayer. And no doubt, lots and lots of love, kisses and tears.

I talked to my mom and she is coming to Jordan's dedication tomorrow. This is a huge deal. I think she still continues to struggle with my choice to leave the Catholic church and I that the idea that her grandchild will not be baptized in that faith is hard for her to accept. Still, she is coming. She is coming! She is setting aside her feelings to celebrate this time in Jordan's life. I cannot express what that means to me.

Yesterday I bought Jordan a new dress for her dedication. Sam and Julie both wore a beautiful, long Christening gown for their special days. Easy peasy, as my dear Julie would say. But what does one wear to a dedication?? I have seen many children wearing everyday clothing. I wanted something special for Jordan and I wanted something white. I found a lovely white dress with light pink flowers embroidered on it, a very gentle pattern. The dress is sleeveless so I also bought her a little white sweater for the top. She will look beautiful.

Friday, May 02, 2008

Jordan's One Month Appointment

Today I took Jordan in for her one month appointment. The very fact that she is a month old already just blows my mind. Yet, it also feels as though she has been a part of our family forever.

I have to laugh at the difference between her 48 hour appointment and the one from today. At her 48 hour I was fumbling with her clothes, holding her awkwardly, unsure how to soothe her and what she liked and disliked. She wailed louder than any baby I had ever known and did it for the entire visit. I am sure we got a huge standing ovation when we left that day.

Today she was so much calmer - probably because *I* was calmer. I was more sure of myself in undressing her and handling her, we have a great bond now. I know what she wants pretty much as soon as she wants it. I love that.

My lovely little 8lb 9oz baby at birth is now 10 lbs 1 oz! Dr L said she is perfectly healthy and is in the 70th percentile for height and weight. We go back again for her 2 month appointment on May 30th and she'll get her first set of shots then.

This morning I actually succeeded in getting her to nap in the playpen. Usually she only wants me to hold her while she sleeps during the day. It took me a couple of attempts but I won in the end. She is sleeping peacefully and if my guess is right, she will be out for at least the next two hours. That's good because I have some touch-up painting to do in the hallway.

Jordan is being dedicated this Sunday. I have so many mixed feelings about it that I am trying to work through. I was raised Catholic and Sam and Julie were baptized in the Catholic church, with lots of friends and family present and parties at our home afterwards. Both wore the same gorgeous white lace gown and looked lovely. I was able to relax knowing that since they were baptized they were "safe" and would go to Heaven if they should die. Oh the things the Catholic church teaches us...

We have been attending a Baptist church for about 6 years now. I was baptized in Dec '04 which caused a lot of waves within my family. As a result, no one from my family came to support me that day. Ian and the children, of course, as well as my inlaws and a couple of friends, but no one from my family came. To this day it hurts my heart, but I try to understand.

In the Baptist church children are dedicated as babies and then baptized once they are older and are able to choose that for themselves. This is more biblically sound and therefore should calm my heart, yet I am still somewhat unsettled. It's so hard to let go of 30 years of untruthful teaching. I know in my heart that should anything happen to Jordan, my Father will take care of her regardless of whether she is baptized or dedicated or nothing at all. She is His afterall, only on loan to me until she returns Home. Just as Sam and Julie are.

I am uncertain if anyone from my family will be there this Sunday. Ian's parents will be. My church family will be. I have not invited people as I have for the other children because this is different. We will go out for lunch afterwards and perhaps have cake at home. Her celebration will come when she is baptized, whenever in the future that will be, just as her brother and sister were celebrated before her. Differently, yet no less special.

I guess this is my hang up about "everything must be equal" and "everything has to be the same". I have some OCD issues that I am always trying to work through.

I believe that God created Jordan and that he matched her with me for a purpose. I can't allow "stinkin' thinkin'" from previous teachings to influence what my heart knows is the best decision for her. She is safe with Him, no matter whether she is dedicated or sprinkled. She is His beautiful creation afterall.

Thursday, May 01, 2008


This is how I spend most of my time! What a blessing!

Psalm 91

I came across this verse this morning in my readings and the timing is wonderful. He has spoken to me today.

1 Those who live in the shelter of the Most High
will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
2 This I declare about the Lord:
He alone is my refuge, my place of safety;
he is my God, and I trust him.
3 For he will rescue you from every trap
and protect you from deadly disease.
4 He will cover you with his feathers.
He will shelter you with his wings.
His faithful promises are your armor and protection.
5 Do not be afraid of the terrors of the night,
nor the arrow that flies in the day.
6 Do not dread the disease that stalks in darkness,
nor the disaster that strikes at midday.
7 Though a thousand fall at your side,
though ten thousand are dying around you,
these evils will not touch you.
8 Just open your eyes,
and see how the wicked are punished.
9 If you make the Lord your refuge,
if you make the Most High your shelter,
10 no evil will conquer you;
no plague will come near your home.
11 For he will order his angels to protect you wherever you go.
12 They will hold you up with their hands
so you won’t even hurt your foot on a stone.
13 You will trample upon lions and cobras;
you will crush fierce lions and serpents under your feet!
14 The Lord says, “I will rescue those who love me.
I will protect those who trust in my name.
15 When they call on me, I will answer;
I will be with them in trouble.
I will rescue and honor them.
16 I will reward them with a long life
and give them my salvation.”

Psalm 91

We're FLYing!!!

That's right... FLYing.

I discovered an awesome website and it is all about getting your house - and life! - in order, 5, 10 or 15 minutes at a time.

FLY stands for Finally Loving Yourself. I really like that. I am so tired of beating myself up for having a messy home and suffering from CHAOS (Can't Have Anyone Over Syndrome). This website is helping me to pull the house together a little bit at a time while making new habits.

It all starts off with a shiny sink. Taking 15 minutes to wash whatever dishes are left and leaving a clean shiny sink sets the mood for the day. If you come downstairs to a sink filled with dirty dishes from yesterday, how will that make you feel? It makes me feel like going right back upstairs and going back to bed! But when my sink is empty and shining I am relaxed and feel that at least in that area I have some control and I feel motivated to tackle another area in need of cleaning or organizing.

The children are slowing getting excited about this program. The website sends TONS of emails a day and a lot of them I read and delete, some I save to inspire or motivate me later. But some of them are geared towards what the children can do. A couple of days ago I set my timer for 5 minutes and had the children collect 10 things from the main level of the house that belonged to them and take them to their room. Between the two of them they found 22 in the living room alone! In 5 minutes half the clutter was gone!

They are now regularly asking for "FLY jobs". So last night I had an idea. They say that it takes 30-40 days to create a habit. I made up a sign and hung it on the fridge door at their eye level and waited for them to notice it. Sam saw it first and called Julie over so they could read it together. It said that the FLY challenge for the month of May was to make their beds each morning. Whoever made their bed for all of the 31 days of May would receive a reward at the end of the month. They were pretty excited about the idea but a little afraid they would forget.

This morning as soon as Ian was up, I got up and made our bed. While I was playing with Jordan, Sam came in and smiled and pointed to my bed. "You remembered," he said. I smiled and nodded and asked him if he remembered too and his eyes were dancing as he nodded, smiling. Julie made sure hers was made before she left for school this morning.

This task took me a total of 3 minutes. I hate having to make the bed before I go to sleep just because I was too lazy to do it in the morning. At least I won't have to for the month of May!

My next idea is to create mini-challenges for the week. We have a long way to go to get things in order but we can do it!