Monday, December 18, 2006


I had a great doctor's appointment today. My blood pressure was excellent and I got all my prescriptions filled.

But better than that... we talked about a future pregnancy. She said that if I lost 50 lbs then that would be enough to ensure a healthy pregnancy. She said my age wouldn't be a factor if I waited another year, in fact my age and the fact that I've already had two children will make for an easier pregnancy. There would still be a risk for a baby with down's syndrome and other defects because of my age but otherwise a successful pregnancy resulting in a healthy baby.

I feel like this huge weight has been taken off me. I still have time!

Maybe in another year I won't want to have another child, but at least the possibility is still there.

Sunday, December 17, 2006

One Week To Go

Last week was very emotional as word spread about my resignation. I had no idea that so many people would miss me if I left. It's so weird - on one hand I am very sad to leave and worry I might be making a mistake, but on the other hand I am so excited to start something new and meet new people. I'm exhausted with emotion.

This week will be busy as I try to make as many notes about my accounts as possible AND make all my collection calls AND resolve any outstanding issues. I don't want anyone to have to wonder what is going on or think that I've left a major mess behind.

We had a lovely department lunch on Thursday at an italian restaraunt. One of the other collectors toasted me and my new job and I had a few tears. I think we all thought we'd all work together indefinitely. One of the women I sat with admitted she is actively seeking another job as well. There are a few of us who just can't work for our coworker who was recently promoted in the wake of our previous manager's dismissal. As a person he is really funny and nice and doesn't really speak ill of people. But he is not someone I could work for. It isn't a pride thing anymore although at first it was. I was hurt and angry and embarassed to have been passed over for the promotion. But once I got past the emotion I knew he wasn't someone I could work for. I wish him the best of luck - he is going to be leading a team where most of them don't want him. I tried to encourage the three women I sat with at the lunch to help him, to answer his questions, to try to give him a chance and be supportive of him. He might just work out and they will laugh one day about how uncomfortable things were at first. He's going to have a hard time, that's for sure.

This week we have something on the go almost every night! My aunt arrives on Tuesday for Christmas, Samuel has his Christmas concert on Wednesday and I am going out for dinner with my girlfriends on Thursday.

I'm really excited about Christmas Eve. After being with my church for almost 5 years this is my first Christmas Eve service there. Usually we go to mass with my family. The service will be geared for the children and Ian will be telling the Christmas story while the children sit all around him.

Overall I feel filled with peace and happiness. I know that God is taking care of me and that He has many blessings for me. That amazes me because everywhere I look I see His abundant blessings already.

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Emotionally Spent

It's only Wednesday and I am exhausted.

Monday I submitted my resignation to the manager. To say he was surprised would be a major understatement. I told the team afterwards and they were just as shocked.

Tuesday I had my exit interview. The manager said he was sad to see me go and that it would be difficult to find someone of my calibre to replace me. That was nice to hear. We talked about how I felt about being passed over for the promotion given to my coworker and what that meant for me career-wise. He was very supportive and even asked if he could say something at our department lunch tomorrow and I requested that he didn't. I am not good at goodbyes.

Lots of people have been calling, emailing or coming by my desk to express their sadness at my departure and excitement at my opportunity. That's been really nice. I am much more emotional than I thought I would be. I hope my skin is thicker by the time my last day rolls around.

Sunday, December 10, 2006


That's what I imagine the sound of being spit out of a whale's belly sounds like.

I got a job!!

I'll start at the beginning....

On Saturday Nov 25th I submitted my resume for a Collections Specialist position. The next day we were sitting down to dinner with my mother to celebrate her birthday when the phone rang. I don't like to answer the phone during dinner so I let it go. It was a woman about the job I applied to the day before!! On a Sunday! I left her a message after dinner saying I would call her the next day.

Well - I forgot to bring her number with me to work the next day AND I had deleted the message by mistake! So I left a message for her when I got him and she called back during dinner and we talked and she asked to meet me the next day. So on the 28th I met with her and it was one of the oddest interviews I've ever been at. She didn't ask me about any of my successes or failures, strengths or weaknesses. Just about my job, how I did it, how many accounts I had, what my collection style was and she wrote everything down word for word. Then all of a sudden, 20 minutes into the interview she packed up all her things and said she liked that I'd been at my company for 10 years, liked my resume and liked me, so would I come back on Dec 2 (Friday) and meet with the Accounting Manager and the Operations Manager. Sure!

While I was waiting in reception for my second interview to start I was chatting with a couple of the men there and we were joking. It was pleasant. Well, once the interview started with the two managers, at the last second one of them men I was chatting with joined the interview as well and it turns out he was one of the owners!

The first half of the interview was really slow. Again, no questions about my strengths or weaknesses, just one question about my successes. The second half of the interview was like an interrogation once the owner started! LOL. There was a lot of smiling and nodding at my answers and I felt ok about the meeting once it was over.

On Dec 5th they offered me the position. I couldn't believe it. I hadn't wanted to get my hopes up. There were two areas I needed clarification on and they met me on those, so on Dec 8th I accepted their offer. They would like me to come in between Christmas and New Year's for orientation so I am ready to go on Jan 2.

I am still in shock but I'm excited. A fresh start! I can leave the bad experiences of this company behind me and start over!! Tomorrow I will submit my resignation and I truly can hardly wait! Part of me thinks that they will be pleased to see me go. It doesn't matter - it's the right step to take at the right time. God has really taken care of me and this situation.

God is so incredibly faithful and good to me. This situation has His hands all over it and I am so grateful for how He has brought it about. I am so blessed.

Thank you, Father.

Sunday, December 03, 2006


It's been awhile since I've posted here. But just because I haven't posted doesn't mean things aren't happening!

I've continued to work on my relationship with my Heavenly Father, giving all my hurts, bitterness, resentments, anger, and disappointments to Him. He has taken every single one of them and in return I am more at peace. Everytime I feel fearful or resentful, I visualize putting that feeling into a bag, then putting the bag on a conveyor belt that takes it to God. It's gone. I know that nothing I put on that conveyor is too big for God to handle. He's in charge and that is such a great comfort to me.

I've strugged over the events of this year and I think I am finally hearing what He is trying to tell me, the things He is trying to teach me. That the definition of who I am doesn't come from another person or a job - it comes from Him alone. I am a child of God! I am His chosen one! He knows everything I have ever done and will ever do and He loves me! All my imperfections and weaknesses and sins - He loves all of me! He is endlessly patient and forgiving of me. The love He has for me is overwhelming and I am so grateful for it.

So, I've tried to relax in life. Enjoy what comes today. It isn't always easy. Sometimes it's just plain hard to wait. But I know that He knows all the deepest desires of my heart and I know that He has a plan for my life. As much as I hope to have the things I want, I know that what He has planned for me is greater than anything I could dream up myself.

There has been some movement on my job search. I sent out a resume last Saturday and was called on Sunday evening and met with a woman on Tuesday afternoon. She was recruiting for the position but interviewed me at her client's site. She said she was impressed with how long I've been at my current company, liked my resume and liked me, and requested that I come back on Friday. I met with the owner, the accounting manager and the operations manager. I think it went well, the job sounds like a big, big challenge and I hope they liked what I could offer them. It's all in God's hands now. If that's where He wants me and can best use me, then He will bring it about for me there. If not, then I trust that there will be something better coming down the line. He knows me the best so He has my complete trust.

My sister is seeking these days. Oh how I want her to come to the Lord. She is so lost. God wants her to be free! I've tried to tell her of His love for her so many times but something just covers her ears and she can't hear me. Last night we were sitting in my church, waiting for the drama presentation to begin, talking together, and I told her that I was trusting in God about my current work situation and the job I am waiting to hear about. She just looked at me and said "You really put a lot of trust in Him, don't you?" and I just smiled and told her that He was my foundation, everything I stood for, He has done wonderful things in my life and blessed me abundantly. That He never leaves me. The drama really moved her and she cried. When it was over she looked down at the bibles on the backs of the chairs in front of us. "Is that the same bible that Catholics read?" Yes, I said and gave her one to take home with her. I don't know what line spoke to her, or what touched her, but she clutched that bible as she left. Will she read it? I don't know. It isn't up to me to save her. All I can to is point her in the right direction and live my life in a way that she can see His love. When she was leaving I hugged her and told her that Jesus was the same no matter what church she goes to, that He loves her and wants her to know Him.

Do you know Him? Do you want to know Him? He loves you, and it doesn't matter where you are in your life, or what you have done - He sees the true you and He loves you. He wants you to know Him and to trust Him. People will come and go in your life, but He will never leave you. He loves you so much, that He sent His only son to die for you. For YOU. So that through Him your sins could be forgiven and you could live life more abundantly. It doesn't matter where you are - reach out to Him, call out for Him and He will meet you where you are. I promise.

Saturday, November 11, 2006


I love my family. What a blessing they are to me. I love how God has formed our foursome.

Today Julie and I watched Sam's swimming lesson. He's getting better every week! We went for doughnuts afterwards and went to pick up dad at the church. We also rocked out in the car singing to children's bible songs.

I had a blissful afternoon - a manicure followed by a solitary trip to the grocery store! Oh how nice it was to slowly browse every aisle, check out every item and price at my leisure, to plan meals for the week and select accordingly.... and my precious Julie helped me put everything away.

Ian and I took the children to see Flushed Away. It was alright but definitely not my favourite. After a very casual dinner we all gathered around the kitchen table and played Monopoly. Sam won! It was his first time playing and he just bought everything up. Julie was so excited every time someone had to pay her for landing on her property. We had to stop before finishing because it was way past their bedtime.

It takes my breath away how much I love Ian and the children. Lots of hugs and kisses today. Definitely an A + day.

Saturday, November 04, 2006

A Fresh Start

"His anger is but for a moment. His favor is for life; weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning."
Psalm 30:5

These days I often find myself comparing myself to Jonah. God told Jonah to go to Nineveh and warn the people there that if they were to repent of their sin, He would forgive them. Jonah didn't want to see God forgiving those people! He felt they were beyond forgiveness. Instead of doing as God said, he got on a boat going in the completely opposite direction of Nineveh.

While on the boat a huge storm began. Jonah knew the storm was his fault: he disobeyed the Lord! He told the sailors to throw him overboard, which they wasted no time doing, and immedately the sea was calm again. God then sent a whale to swallow up Jonah. Not knowing what was happening and feeling very frightened, Jonah prayed and confessed his disobedience to God. The whale then vomited him up and on to dry land. God appeared to him and said "Arise, go to Nineveh." (Jon 3:2)

Wouldn't things have been easier if Jonah had just listened to God in the first place??

This is where I am these days; riding along in the belly of a whale. I have disobeyed my Heavenly Father by trying to take control of my life - the life I gave Him - and trying to do things my way. What a complete and total mess I made! How miserable I had become! I was broken. This week I prayed and confessed my sin of disobedience to Him, giving Him back the control. I know he will take my sins, my resentment, disappointment and anger and in return will shower me with His perfect love and forgiveness.

I don't know what He has in store for me. But I know He has a plan and a purpose for my life. I know that I matter to Him and that He loves me. I know that in His perfect timing the whale will vomit me up onto dry land, and I will be where I am meant to be, where God has planned for me to be. Where He can best use me.

It's lousy being in a whale's belly. Maybe you have been there before. Maybe you are there now. Remember that His favour is for life, our weeping will not last forever, our joy will be restored.

I can't wait to see where He's leading me! Lead on Lord!!