Friday, February 17, 2012

5QF ~ February 17

I haven't been in the mood to blog much this week in case you haven't noticed. Everything feels like an effort these days and something has to give. I strive to be positive here but it's becoming more of a struggle and that shows.

I don't feel like I can be truly honest about what I'm feeling like and that's hard. I've put a lot of effort into growing this blog and it isn't as private as it used to be. People I know in real life read what I write - although some deny it strongly which I will never understand - and that means I have to censor much of what I discuss here.

Writing about only the good stuff makes for a lighthearted read, although not an entirely honest one. But if I write about how hard things are right now then it becomes a drag and who wants to read that?

Life is really, really, hard right now and there is so much more going on that I haven't talked about because I can't. My heart is breaking and my feelings are so raw. I cry a lot.

I continue to be humbled by the people who have reached out to me (and my family) in ways that I never would have imagined and have really touched my heart. I could live to be a hundred and not be able to repay their kindness. And then there are those who I thought would have been a support to us but have chosen not to be. It's beautiful and sad all at the same time.

I don't know what to do with this blog. I don't want to pretend to be happy all the time, and I don't want to turn people off with negativity. I don't know how to balance the two extremes right now.

Please don't feel as though you have to comment on this part of my post. I'm just talking some thoughts out.

Let's move on.

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So it's Friday, which means it's time for Mama M's Five Question Friday blog hop.

1. What do you do when you are really upset to calm yourself down?

Ian will usually make me a cup of tea and that often helps. For the times I'm really upset, I cry. In the shower, in my room, in the car. I'll pull out my personal stash of colouring books and drink my tea, colour and cry.

Then I pick myself up and get back in the game.

2. Do you go all out for V-day or is it just another day?

It's never "just another day", but at the same time, it isn't a really "out of the ordinary day" either. There is a lot of love in our family and that is demonstrated on a daily basis.

We exchange cards and have chocolate and such, but we don't make it a national holiday or anything.

3. Are you more or less productive when Hubs is away?

Probably more. Everything falls to me, so I have to make sure I step it up. All the meals, clean-up, diaper changes, bedtimes, dog walking, locking down the house so the killer doesn't get me, etc.... I'm the only one.

I always try to make sure the house is clean and tidy for his return. Who wants to come home to a mess???

4. What is your favorite time of day and why?

Lately it's been 9pm. While Ian puts the girls to bed, I take Matthew upstairs and get him ready for bed. Once he's sleeping, I either spend some time reading my bible and praying, or watching my shows. It's quiet me time.

5. What is your go to karaoke song?

I have never done karaoke but I know what I'd sing. I've always known. It's Raining Men. Oh yes. That would be my go-to karaoke song.

But.... then I think I might like to sing Someone Like You by Adele. Yep. That would be a good one too. I'd make my hair all big and put on some fancy Adele-like makeup and sing my heart out.

Although the last time I sang that song Jordan asked me to stop because I was "breaking it".

That's it. Have a great day!

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Head on over to Mama M's blog My Little Life to join in on the fun!



  1. Locking the house so the killer doesn't get you!! You crack me up :)

    I understand the feeling of not being free to write as you want on your blog - it's frustrating at times! I have taken many leaves-of-absence from my blog, just because of that reason. I find, however, that when I am raw and honest, the people who really love me will stick by me, and the people who are less-than-wonderful fall away ... it's a good cleansing process :)

    Feel free to be honest - I promise to love you no matter what! :)

  2. You were breaking the song?!?! That is a quote worthy of the baby book! Love you Miss Kate!!

  3. I hope that all is okay. It is hard to find the balance sometimes, I will be praying for you.

    I need to cry it out too, it seems to make everything so much easier. I'm also more productive when my husband is gone as well, I know that it's only me there and no one else can pick up the slack.

    Have a good weekend!

  4. I agree with Kami - the people that really love and support you will stick with you regardless if it is "happy" all the time or not! But as a woman with a very sensitive heart...I too struggle with the feeling of letting someone down etc. And worrying about what people will "think" about me. Which is stupid really because why am I so worried about what people think about me. God knows my heart!

    I hope you keep updating as you feel led and know that I am praying for you through this time. Wish I could give you a big hug in person!!

    :) Kristin

  5. (((YOU))) Start an anonymous blog that you only tell certain people about. No photos, no names. But you can blog away and no one will know it's you. I have that. A place that only ONE person knows about and that's because she bought me the domain name and set up the theme for me. I say whatever I want, whenever I want and NO ONE knows it's me! I love you and hope that things get better soon! <3

  6. I completely 1000 understand. I blogged pretty much the same thing this fallp and you were kind enough to leave me a comment. I totally understand about people reading our blogs which makes it extra hard. We have 2 family situations that impacts what I can post on my blog and it is soooo frustrating, because sometimes I want to just air it all and cannot. So I'm with you sister. I enjoy your blog and I love you! Praying for you.

  7. I'm sorry your struggling, I will be praying for you. It can be a bit difficult when people you are close to you read your blog. Like My Three Sons, I have a place where I vent as well. And no reads it I don't think but me. :) & I agree with some of the other ladies, we understand you might not be able to just put EVERYTHING, but be honest and the ones who are worth keeping around will love you no matter, and the 'other' will fall as they need to.