Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Tough Day

Today the enemy is attacking me from all sides and I am having a hard time fighting him. I am so tired. Experience has taught me to be on guard for his attacks but he has snuck up on me today.

The enemy, of course, is Satan.

It never ceases to amaze me all the ways he can come up with to torment me. His favourite seems to be my dreams. He knows I cannot fight him there so he visits frequently and attacks swiftly. All my fears and weaknesses are attacked in my dreams. I am helpless.

He doesn't limit his attacks to nighttime. He attacks me during the day too. He is always whispering in my ear: you aren't good enough.... you are unlovable, unforgivable, unworthy.... you will never be anything other than what you are...a failure. He is relentless.

Today I feel his attacks from all sides. He knows I am tired and therefore weak. I hate that he is laughing at me.

He knows my heart is joyful and he hates it.

He knows I belong to Jesus and he hates it.

He knows that I walk and live and breathe The Truth and he hates it.

He knows the pain and the sadness on my heart and he uses it against me.

He knows all my sore spots and insecurities and fears and he exploits them all.

He loves it when I fall.
He hates it when I rise.

Ian and I are enduring a very painful and heartbreaking season, relying on God's love and mercy daily. Satan hates when I draw near to The Lord. The closer I am, the harder he attacks. He knows he can't have me, that I have given my life to Jesus, but he will still do what he can to torment and attack me. He is hateful and destructive.

The truth is that I am good enough.... I am lovable and loved, I am forgivable and forgiven, I am worthy.... I am who God says I am and I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.

He may have knocked me down a few times today but he cannot keep me down.

"You are of God, little children, and have overcome them, because He who is in you is greater than he who is in the world." 1 John 4:4


  1. Anonymous9:11 p.m.

    HUGS. He will never be as strong as Jesus...hard as he might try. Hang in there...tomorrow is a new day.

  2. Always remember how wonderful you are. Always remember that Jesus will raise you up and carry you, always.

    You are one of the most beautiful people I know. You continue to amaze me every day.