Sunday, April 26, 2009

Catch Up

Well this had to be the fastest weekend on record.

Let's back up a bit, shall we?

Thursday night was Girls Club as usual and the theme for the evening was a Birthday Party! We had games and loot bags and balloons...cake and treats... such fun. Instead of celebrating birthdays as they come along, we decided to celebrate everyone's on the same night. It was also Crazy Hair Night as well. Lots of spray coloured hair, funky styles and creative accessories.

Only a few weeks left before we end for the summer. Oh how I will miss these girls. I have seen so many of them transform before my eyes and its been such a beautiful blessing to have served in this ministry.

(Julie, you told me I would love this and be richly blessed and you were right!)

I've completed week one of my temp placement. I have to say, God could not have placed me in a better company. The people are so nice, the job is challenging and the days pass quickly. I think I have a fairly good grasp of what is going on and have been able to solve a couple of outstanding issues already. I've been given a lot of praise and compliments so that makes me feel good. I will be sad to go next Friday. This position is eventually moving to Kingston so there isn't a chance for permanent placement.

As grateful and as great as this job is, the adjustment has been extremely difficult for me. I miss being at home. I miss seeing the children off to school and welcoming them home again. I miss taking care of the baby all day. I miss making Ian's lunch. I miss being able to visit with my mom. I felt physically sick on Thursday because I missed those things so much. I ended up crying all the way home.

Whine much, Kate?

It's such a weird feeling. I don't feel as though I belong in the working world anymore. And I feel out of place at home too. I am out of the loop with the day to day things with the children and because I am so exhausted at night, I am in bed early, so no real time to catch up with Ian. I don't's hard to explain.

I am sure there are more then one of you out there reading this thinking "Suck it up Kate... we all have to work..." and you know what? You're absolutely right. I don't know why I'm having such a hard time. I just am.

Still, going out to work everyday and missing my husband and children is better than sitting at home, agonizing about how we're going to pay our mortgage. Jobs are scarce and I believe me when I say I am grateful for this work.

I'm just tired of everything. I'm going to try to get in to see my Doctor in the next day or two because I can feel myself getting depressed and I need to do something to control it before it gets out of hand. I've been trying but I can't do it by myself. My moods are all over the place, I'm sleeping too much, I find myself wanting to be alone more and more and my thoughts are scattered and going in directions that are dangerous. I cry a lot. A lot. While I hate the thoughts of having to take medication and have all my emotions stifled, I don't see any other way right now.

I am also a little disappointed in God right now. I don't understand why we are in the situation we are in or why He has allowed the events of the last few years to happen. I feel so distant from Him and I don't know what it is He's doing. I'm so tired of struggling and I feel like my faith is waning.

Good grief. I wasn't planning on sharing all of that.

Moving on...

Saturday was a gorgeous day, close to 29 degrees so Ian and I took the children to the park to fly kites and play. Here are a few pics from then...

Sam flying his Yu Gi Oh! kite...

Julie flying her Barbie kite...

Miss Jordan...

Ian and the children climbed Mount Chinguacousy. Well, the guys made it to the top, Jules froze 3/4 of the way up so they came to her to "save her".

One of the best feelings in the whole world is the feeling of your child's hand in yours...

I never get tired of holding my child's hand!

We were almost home when the sky changed....

...and it poured rain! It was almost torrential. Good thing we were done with our time at the park before this happened!

Right at this very moment I am praying for patience and tolerance as my neighbours are blaring their music. I can feel the vibrations in the floor. Ian called over earlier this afternoon to ask them to turn it down, then he went out. I guess they saw him go because the volume spiked again. I would call them but I don't trust myself to be polite.

That's all I have time for today. Sam wants to start a blog of his own so I'm going to help him set one up.

Until next time...


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