Tuesday, November 22, 2011

I Need A Monkey

Every day, without fail, my mind drifts back to my time at the Women of Faith conference at the beginning of this month. I love that.

Even though I knew I couldn't possibly record every word spoken, I did write down as much as I could. I hoped that what I didn't get down on paper would somehow find it's place in my memory and I'd remember it in the moment I'd need it.

Dr. Henry Cloud, who wrote the book Boundaries, shared about a study he'd heard of on monkeys and stress. Apparently a single monkey was placed in a cage on it's own, and for a period of time the people conducting the study would do whatever they could to absolutely terrify and stress that poor little guy out. Noise, shaking the cage, whatever it took to get him good and scared.

When they were certain that the monkey was highly stressed and freaked out, they'd stop what they were doing and introduce one more monkey into the cage. Within minutes, that monkey calmed down by over 50%.

Within minutes.

He went on to talk about how just the act of being in a stressful situation with a buddy can cut your stress level in half. He said we should all have a monkey.

We should all have a monkey?

I thought about this for a moment. Who was my monkey? Who did I turn to when I was terrified and stressed out? Who calms me?

My first thoughts were Ian and my mom, but they'd be the first to tell me that it can't be them all the time, that I need a female friend to be able to go to when I needed support.

And you know what? I don't have one.

How sad is that??

I have serious issues with trust, and letting someone into my life - my heart - is next to impossible for me, and it takes forever. I've been burned many, many, times with friendships so I tend to just hold back now because it just hurts too much otherwise.

Yes, I know how lame that sounds.

I have been blessed with many people to love and who love me in return, but I don't have a monkey.

And I really want one.

Now I need to figure out to let my guard down and let people in. Ugh. Just the thought makes me itchy.

Very, very itchy.

How do I go about getting myself a monkey? I suppose I could scroll through my friends list on facebook and pick someone.

Or how about and ad on the board at the local grocery store?

Monkey needed. Must like to drink wine, laugh and be trustworthy.

Hmm. Needs a bit of work I suppose.

I could parlay this into a whole blog series entitled "Kate ~ Monkey Finder".

I'll let you know how things work out :-)

In the meantime, I'd love to hear about the monkeys in your life...



  1. I was so blessed to know immediately who my monkey was when I heard that story. My monkey has been my monkey for 15 years, and I'm so glad I have her. Here's what I can tell you, though. Don't LOOK for your monkey. Let God GIVE you your monkey. Be open to her arrival, listen to those God breezes that tell you you should go to this women's event at the church, or smile at that woman in the grocery, but don't let your desire for a monkey leave you stuck with a baboon who will just show you it's hiney at an inopportune time! ;-)

  2. Monkey for hire: Name - Melissa.

    Seriously dude. I'm here. And I love you.

  3. I like to drink wine, laugh and am trustworthy...just sayin'...

  4. I agree with Megan. Your monkey is out there and is trying to find you. And, I bet you will be surprised who that person turns out to be. Until then, there are many of us who will be your temporary monkey until then!

    I am lucky to have one particular monkey. And 3 almost monkeys. My BFF Melissa was my college roommate and we are now glued to the hip. Hubs even says we share the same brain. She knows me inside and out, better than anyone. Possibly even better than hubs. We may not talk every day, but usually do, and def don't see each other ever day, but almost do, I can depend on her for anything. Taking my kids, her honesty, even when it hurts. Her fashion sense. Everything. I promise Kate, your monkey is out there.

    Until then, try putting an ad on Craigs list! :)

  5. I'll totally be your monkey. I'll even bring the M&M's! ;)

  6. Ya know, I read this earlier today and really had to stop and think on it. I honestly thought with the title you were gonna hit me with a funny story and instead you whamy'd me with this. I don't have a monkey either. I have Yohn, but yeah, sometimes he just don't get the girl side of things. I dunno. I don't easily let my guard down either and kinda realized today that I'm not that "deep" of a person. Not that I'm shallow either but... well I mean that I don't go out of my way to get to know others, but instead keep them at arm's length, especially when they come a crowdin' my space. I wonder why that is. Now ya got me thinking in circles. I hope I can sleep tonight. :)

  7. I don't have a monkey either. It's hard to trust people, especially women, when you've been hurt by them in the past. But I agree witht he others that said said that your monkey is out there, you'll find her in God's time. In the meantime, you have lots of "virtual" friends who are always here for you. BTW-Thank you for being you. Thank you for the times that you've been there for me when I didn't know who to turn to. This past year has been rough and rocky but I know that any time I could jump on twitter or on Facebook and find you and you'd be there for me. I love you, Kate!

  8. Anonymous9:28 a.m.

    As soon as I saw this title, I knew exactly what you were talking about!
    I love WOF! :D
    Anyway, I'm in agreeance with many here - let God give you your monkey. Work on your relationship with Him and let Him see your deepest desire - a female companion. He will give us all our hearts desire!