Drama!

Today the children are home with me because it's a PA day. That's right, a PA day....right in the middle of the week.

I was reading in one of my favourite spots when Julie asked if she could give her hamster, Gabriella, a treat. Absolutely, I say. About five minutes later she came out of her room crying. She said she knew I was going to be mad, it was just an accident, on and on. Finally she spit it out: she had taken Gabriella out of her cage and put her on her bed "just for a minute" to do something and when she turned around she was gone. "I think she's under my bed!"

Honestly! Hamsters are not my thing. I don't like to touch them at all and now we had to do a Search and Rescue to find it. I had to call in reinforcements... SAM!

We couldn't even get into her room because she had barricaded the door with a bunch of her large toys in an effort to keep me out. She had to move everything just so we could get inside. (Note: this is the second time she has lost Gabriella in her room and the second time she has barricaded the door in an effort to keep Ian or me out)

Bless Sam's heart... he pulled out the bed ~ along with half a million toys ~ and was able to locate Gabriella but couldn't reach her. I suggested he try to move her along with a coat hanger. (I was trying!) I said there was no way I could touch it with my bare hands so maybe we could "flick" her back into the cage. Julie kept crying and squeezing a fistful of my shirt saying "I'm so sorry mommy... I know you are mad.....it was an accident...." I was too skeeved out to be cross with her so I just kept saying "let's just find her before we get too far ahead of ourselves."

I gave Sam some hamster treats to try to lure her out ~ amidst Julie's orders not to give her more than one because she is on a diet ~ and sure enough he got her and returned her to her cage. WHEW! Crisis averted.

I look down at Julie to see these two huge blue eyes filled with tears and get the "Do you have to tell Daddy?" question.

Sigh. "Yes, love. I have to tell Daddy. It was his rule that you don't take Gabriella out of her cage without him or me there. This is the second time you've lost her in your room."

Sam called Ian to tell him of his heroic rescue of poor defenseless Gabriella. Ian and I got laughing about it so don't worry (my one or two readers!) she isn't in big trouble.

She is up there under my orders to clean up her room before her father comes home. Every five minutes I get pleas for a break or a rest.

All of this happened before lunch! My days are usually spent reading or puttering around quietly, watching tv or napping. Quietly..... These things are only supposed to happen on Saturdays or Sundays when Ian is around! He deals with Hamster Drama better than I do.

Oh I love these children. They are always up to something! We're going to make cupcakes this afternoon and decorate them together. Hopefully there won't be any Cupcake Drama.

Nice Weekend

It's been a nice weekend although I can't believe it's Sunday night already.

Friday night Ian was helping out with a youth event at the church so the kids and I played Dead or Alive on the XBox and had McDonald's for dinner. Sam kicks my butt constantly. The score was 12-4 for him when I finally called Uncle. He actually asked me if I was holding back on him just so he could win. Imagine my embarassment when I had to admit that no, I was honestly giving it all I had trying to win. The three of us were in bed by 9pm!

Saturday Jules and I headed over to her soccer game at 10 am and were pleasantly surprised when my mom joined us. I love spending time with my mother and Julie was so happy to look up in the stands and see her Gram. The kids and I dropped Ian off at the church at 4 for the beginning of the Grand Opening for our church to celebrate the new addition and then we went grocery shopping.

I thought I'd try out Sobey's this time instead of A&P since they had good sales in their flyer. My grocery bill was considerably lower and the meat I bought was not only much fresher but much cheaper too. Ian teased me about the thrill I got from a new grocery store. LOL. I think I might need better excitement in my life than a new grocery experience.

Saturday evening the kids and I arrived at the church at 5:45 in time for the celebration service at 6pm. We missed a lot from 4pm. Food everywhere! Cake too! Darn it. I did find a table that was serving Samosas. I have been craving them my entire pregnancy. The service was nice but crowded. Afterwards the kids went up to the Sunday school rooms for a reptile show and the adults stayed for a music and storytelling hour. A couple of minutes into it I was wishing I went to the reptile show....! Odd stories and odd music. When we got home Ian and I watched Aliens vs Predators and I fell asleep halfway through.

Today we skipped church and did some housework (after Ian let me sleep in until after 10 and brought me a perfectly made cup of tea in bed!) then Ian took the kids to Sam's soccer game while I finished up a few things. At 4:30 a friend of the kids' came for a playdate until 6. Ian hung around while I had a rest upstairs. Now he is out picking up pizza and his best friend Gary is coming to visit.

Not a bad weekend. I have a lot of calls and appointments to make this week. Eye appointments for both of the children, a hearing test for Jules, my hospital tour.... questions for EI... I still need to go through my stuff and see what baby stuff I've hung on to from the kids. The women at my church have been wonderful, offering lots of things like baby swings and a moses basket. Very kind women.

That's it. A weekend in my life.

So Tired Of Being Crabby

I really, really am. No one wants to be around me. I don't even want to be around me. It seems as though I alternate from being super-bitch to crybaby in no time at all. I snap at Ian and the kids all the time. Ian is a saint ~ he lets so much slide but everyone has a breaking point. They don't deserve that.

I cry at dog food commercials. A Campbells Soup commercial got me the other day. Today I cried all through Dr. Phil. It wasn't even a good show today. Everytime an ambulance goes by I start to cry. I hate this.

I know...I know.... hormones. I still have 62 days to go. If my family moves me into the garage I don't think I would blame them.

As thrilled as I am to be having this baby, I feel such sadness that I can't share my happiness with one of my closest friends due to a falling out between us. I don't like to be at odds with people and I always try to rectify bad situations with friends but this time I just had to hold my ground and not compromise what I believed were the issues. I wonder if she misses me too or thinks about me at all. I wish things could be different. I loved sharing in her pregnancy and the birth of her beautiful son. I feel lonely for her because I can't share this time in my life with her.

I am sure you can tell (lol... my one single reader out there) I am feeling weepy at the moment. In about 60 seconds I'll revert to KateZilla. Can't wait until I can go to bed and not bug anyone.

:-(

Update for the Week

It's been a rough week for Ian and the kids. Monday I had Sam and Jules home with me because they were sick. Tuesday Sam went to school but Jules stayed home again. Wednesday both kids went to school but Ian was home sick. Thursday everyone was back to school/work and I was wiped out. Not sick, just tired and sore. No big deal. Ian was home on Friday sick and even today, Sunday, he isn't 100%. Both kids missed their soccer games this weekend too. Hopefully they are on the mend.

Wednesday I joined in with the Ladies Coffee Hour. I think that's what it's called. I met a couple of new people but I don't think it's for me which is a shame. I might give it another go this Wednesday, we'll see.

Friday I saw my doctor for my regular checkup. I have one last 3 week appointment then I go every two weeks. Wow. All my symptoms (read: complaints) are perfectly normal and are always more pronounced with each pregnancy. Jordan's heartbeat sounded strong and healthy and he was pleased when I reported lots of daily and steady movement. She's been on the go all week and there isn't a position I can get into that settles her. I just need to wait her out I guess. I've lost another pound which is good, but I am boarderline for Gestational Diabetes. Sigh. Anything over 7.9 is GD and I am 7.5. He told me to cut way back on my fruit intake. Probably the only time a doctor will ever tell me that LOL. My blood pressure was through the roof and raised his eyebrows. He wasn't pleased to hear I had a headache as well. Looks like pre-eclampsia might be in my future again. He didn't put me on bedrest because I told him I spend most of my life lying down anyway.

Yesterday was my birthday. 37 years old. I hate getting older. Not so much that *I* am getting older, but that those I love around me are getting older too. Like my mom. Ian and the kids brought me breakfast in bed and I pretty much spent the day laying in bed alternating between watching Season 3 of LOST, reading and napping. I was given lovely gifts and received lots of birthday wishes. We ordered dinner in and watched a movie together. I love my family.

Today I skipped church. Ian and the kids are still sick as I mentioned, and I just couldn't deal with sitting with 200+ people when I get hot so easily, then being pawed by half the women afterwards. They mean well and they are excited for me which is so nice, but sometimes I just want to wear a "hands off" sign.

I have a lot I need to accomplish tomorrow. I just hope I have the energy for it. I still have 9 1/2 weeks to go - I can't let things slip now. We need to clear out a section of our bedroom to set up Jordan's crib and I need to go through what we have saved and what we need. Hard to believe that my due date is in 65 days. I can't wait to meet her and I continue to pray that she is healthy and strong and is born safely. Sam and Julie are SO excited about her coming. I can't wait to see how she fits in with us four crazy people. She is getting the best big brother and big sister in the entire world and is being born into a family with so much love to give.

Little Fakers

I let my kids stay home from school today because they were both not feeling well. I felt sad for them because one kept sneezing and the other had a scratchy throat. WELL. Fast forward to lunchtime and there is nothing wrong with these two! Little fakers. Ah well. I love having them with me so it's no big deal.

They show me "the eyes" and they get me every time.

Hanging With The Kids

What a great day. Ian let me sleep in and he took Julie to her 8am soccer game this morning and then brought me home a Tim's tea and muffins! Very nice start to my day, although I missed seeing Jules play.

This afternoon the kids and I went to Build a Bear to spend their gift cards from Christmas. I always end up buying extra stuff for them because I see how hard it is for them to decide on one or two things! LOL. Today was no different. Sam bought a Superman costume for his and an adorable pair of Joe Boxers. Julie bought hers a pink sweater, pink mini skirt and a high school musical purse... I thought we'd be there forever...Sam, me and the Queen of Indecision. It's a great store and lots of fun.

Afterwards we grabbed lunch at Burger King. Sam was so happy while we were driving home and said "Was this a great afternoon or was this a great afternoon??"

I was wiped out when we got back. We only walked to the store and I sat down there when I could, but I was exhausted when I got home. I had a two hour nap to recuperate! It frustrates me to have this lack of energy but I know it won't last forever and we're getting a wonderful little person out of it. I still have some cramping and lower back pain but I'm taking it easy now.

Back to watching Season 3 of Lost!

Gym Grade

My children are both very good students. A's and B's. We are very proud of how hard they work and that they care about their grades.

Last year Sam brought home his report card that was full of A's and B's and one C+. A glaring C+. In Gym class no less. He was devastated. He was so proud of his report card and then to see that... he was very upset. I scheduled a meeting with his regular teacher to discuss his grades even though it wasn't needed. I met up with the gym teacher to discuss Sam's grade. I told him that several parents told me their child received the same grade and it appeared that everyone in gr 2 got this mark. He admitted it saying they all start off with a C+ and their grades go up from there. We had a very nice talk and I said that theory was fine for Sept, but the children should have a more realistic grade by Dec. He agreed to change the grade to a B-.

This year Julie brought home her first report card ever. All A's and B's. And one glaring C+. Guess what subject that was? I called this gym teacher to talk to him about it and heard the whole reasoning given from the year before. I said he had scored her as below the provincial standard for gym and was he telling me that was the case not only with my daughter but with every child in the school? I mentioned the Rubric method of grading as well as other points. He said Julie was very athletic and high participation. He offered a B-. I asked him if that was a fair grade for her or was he just pacifying me? I wanted a B. He said he didn't think he could do that but he'd talk to the administrator and get back to me before the Christmas break. He didn't.

Today I was at the school to pick up the kids for lunch and I saw the gym teacher. He came right over and said he had changed her grade to a B-, was that acceptable? I asked if it was accurate. I said I felt he was trying to placate me and I wanted her marked fairly according to her skill. Long story short, he claims he cannot go higher than a B- but she would likely get a B+ on her next report card. This guy is unbelievable. I don't care if she brings home an F as long as it is a fair mark for her skills.

Ian thinks I'm nuts. So does mom. This is grade school gym, not a mark in highschool that will affect what university she will get into. I can't help it. When I encounter something that is blatantly wrong I have to stand up to it. I was polite but firm. Can't win them all I guess.

Staying At Home

I'm sure I've said it before but I LOVE being a stay at home mom. I love puttering around my house and taking care of my husband and children. Running errands? No problem. Love it. I am so relaxed and happy and content with my life. I know it's not a forever situation so I'm enjoying every minute of it now.

I have felt so much guilt in the last few years I worked. Rushing the kids to my mom's in the morning so that she could give them breakfast and take them to school each day. *I* wanted to be the person to take them to school every day. Then racing to get to the after school program by 6pm so we could race home and eat dinner and pack everything into the few short hours before their bedtime. No energy to clean or cook, lots of takeout. Wake up the next day and repeat. So much to fit in on the weekends... never enough time. I felt so out of touch with my kids.

Being at home means that I can keep the house up. I can have dinner on the table an appropriate time (no takeout!) and spend time with the kids while they do homework because I'm not overtired from my own day. I can take care of the errands or make appointments when needed and not worry about paid leave time or coordinating the car. It means I am tuned into my husband and children and their needs. I take care of them and they like it. *I* like it.

I have struggled with depression in the past so I know that being on my own too much can lead to another episode so I visit with my mom several times a week, I'm starting to get together with my other SAH friends. I'm even going to join the Wednesday morning coffee hour. I love this life. And I am so grateful to my wonderful husband for arranging this time for me. Once Jordan arrives things will definitely get kicked up a notch or two but I love that I will have one more person to care for. Such blessings.

Tonight we are going out for dinner. To a place with LINEN napkins...LOL. We even have a reservation! Soccer resumes this weekend too so I have to locate soccer socks and shorts and shirts and shin pads... I love being a soccer mom. We might even take the children to see the new Veggie Tales movie as well. So glad it's Friday.

Errands

Today I needed to get to the OHIP office to renew my health card as well as the children's cards. They expire on the 19th. Honestly... expiration dates get me. At least this time I was on the ball and got them renewed. Mine expired 5 years ago and I actually had to pay for the visit. Never again. My mom came with me for company and we were amazed at how quickly we got everything done there.


From there we went to the Ministry of Transport to renew my liscence. Again with the expiration dates. No line-ups at all there which was nice. So those two things are off my mind now and that's good.



I went back to mom's to visit and for lunch and now I'm home debating whether or not to have a nap.

Lazy Day

11 weeks and 1 day to go. 78 days until I meet my new daughter. I wonder who she will be like...me or Ian..... Sam or Julie.... or her own little person. I can't wait to hold her and kiss her little face. She is joining a family that is so full of love and excited about her arrival. I can't imagine what she will look like or sound like or smell like. I get teary thinking of her birth day and being able to see her precious little face for the first time. She will turn our lives upside down yet I am so excited.

Today Sam called me "Preggers McHousewife". I really appreciate his sense of humour. He's a funny guy.

It's awfully quiet around here without the kids home. I was lonely yesterday! I spent most of my day today with my mother which is always nice. She and I are very close and we spent a lot of time laughing together. Tomorrow I am off to re-new my OHIP card as well as the children's cards. Then I have to go to the Ministry of Transport to renew my drivers liscence. Lots of standing around waiting in line. If I finish early enough I will go and visit my friend for a cup of tea.

Too bad being a stay at home mom (read: housewife!) doesn't come with a big fat paycheque.

Blogging

It's really tough to get back into the habit of blogging again. I always have so much to say in real life but when I sit down to update this blog I got nuthin'. I love reading other people's blogs and I get frustrated when they aren't updated.

The kids and I survived "Guys Night" last night. Ian had 7 of his buddies over to play with the wii and xbox and to play poker. I picked up McD's for the kids and me and we put our pjs on and watched a couple of movies in my bed and then fell asleep. Ian moved them to their own rooms around 3am. I was super impressed that these 7 men didn't trash my house! It was (almost!) as though they were never here. I shouldn't tease, they are great guys.

This afternoon the kids are having a friend over for a playdate. Apparently these things are all about the snacks so I have to make sure I have good snacks. I'll bake some cookies and put out chips and popcorn. He's a good kid so I don't anticipate any problems with him being here.

Sam made me laugh the other day when he called me a "housewife". I haven't heard that term in awhile and it made me laugh. He said it's true, because I am a wife, I stay in the house and cook, clean and takes care of her kids. That pretty much sums up my dream job.

Oh I never set out to be a "Housewife". Oh no. I was going to climb the corporate ladder and be someone. After I had Sam that feeling dwindled considerably and it was an internal struggle between wanting my career and wanting to be with this tiny person. When I had Julie I stopped caring about a career, I knew I just wanted to be with my children. That feeling only grew bigger and bigger as the years went on. Financially it just wasn't an option. I have been at home for a month now and I love it. Ian said to me this morning that if I ended up staying at home until after my mat leave that would be fine. But with that comes sacrifices too. Financial being the first and largest, the second being that I would have to go back to work for next Jan when Jordan was only about 9 months old. Do I take this time now or save it for later? It's hard. But I know S & J and Ian are benefitting from me being home now so all is not lost. It's helping me to rest and prepare for Jordan. There is give and take in absolutely everything.

Sigh. I have to tackle my bathroom now. My least favourite job in the world!

Hormones

I don't have a lot of complaints about my pregnancy. I'm so happy to be having Jordan and 99% of the time I feel terrific. I've been resting a lot and going easy on myself and I think that's helping. I've even been told by several people that I am absolutely glowing.

That said... there is that 1%. HORMONES! Oh my poor Ian.... he has the patience of a saint. If I'm not being cranky then I'm crying.... if I'm not crying I'm cranky... I am sure that if you were to ask him, it might be more than 1%! I know that you can't do a lot about hormones but still, I believe that ultimately I should be able to control my own behaviour and that being pregnant isn't an excuse to get cross with him about the recycling! Or to cry because I can't get my cheese packet open.

Yesterday I got my first cold of the season. Of course I was just telling Ian two days before that I was so lucky to not have gotten sick yet. When will I learn to keep my big trap shut? I think I slept in 20-30 minute spurts all night and finally moved downstairs to my recliner. Just as I'd be about to fall asleep Jordan started kicking me. :-) I love knowing she is ok in there but come on babe.... let momma sleep!

2007 In Review

What a year! Packed full with emotion, trial, testing and faith.

This year was one of our darkest years and Ian and I struggled to deal with a painful family situation. It stretched on for most of the year but was resolved in part in October. Now healing can begin as we all move forward with a "new normal". I have felt my loving, Heavenly Father close to me at many times in my life but never as closely as this year. I could not have gotten through this year without His love and grace and mercy. He gave me just enough strength for each day and every day after that. He taught me to stay close, to trust and to be patient. He taught me just how much He loves me. There were moments when I would be on my knees, crying out to Him to help me and He did. He was at work in our situation all year, behind the scenes. His love for me overwhelms me and brings me to tears. He who sees the depths of my heart and loves me still.

While we dealt with this situation the Lord sent us many, many blessings. We had a couple of Niagara getaways at the start of the year, one at an indoor water park. What fun! We laughed so much together and just enjoyed each other's company. I loved watching my children overcome their fears - Julie of the wave pool and Sam with his waterslides.

May brought us back to Disney World! Two visits in less that two years - what a blessing. We had breakfast with Mickey and Minnie and lunch in Cinderella's Castle. Lots of rides and fireworks and waterpark fun. Precious time together with our children.

I took part in a wonderful bible study with my dear Christian sisters. We studied the book "Get Out Of That Pit!" By Beth Moore. It was all about the pits we get thrown into or jump into, and how to get out with Christ's help. A life changing book. I will likely read it again. Its been awhile since I've been in a study and it felt good to join one again. We are planning our next study to begin in mid-January but I'm not sure I will take part this time around. Jordan will be here in a few months and I am getting more tired as the weeks go on. We'll see. If God wants me there, He will strengthen me to be there.

This year brought challenges with friendships as well. I am always learning and striving to be a good friend, to be someone *I* would want to be friends with. Sometimes it's easy and sometimes that means standing up for yourself even when your friend thinks you are wrong. Even if it causes division in a relationship one must hold true to what they believe in and feel is right. But as one door closes another always opens and I have been nurturing a new friendship with a new sister in Christ. How wonderful it is to grow with this friend as we support one another through life's blessings and hardships.

What would a new year be without New Year's resolutions?? Here are mine:

1) After Jordan is born, I will begin my weight loss efforts. I'm at a point in my life where I don't care to be a size 6, I just want to live and be healthy and see my children have children. I am ready to tackle the reasons why I eat, what I am hiding from, what drives me to do what I do. I'm will work on this with God.

2) I want to stay on top of my housework so that people can drop by anytime and I won't be freaking out. I hate housework but I've kept the house up for the last week and it's easy if I do a bit each day. The kids are helping out too. There are still a couple of trouble spots but I'm working through those.

3) I want to socialize with friends more. Have them over, go over to their place, whatever. I worry so much about whether or not my home is "acceptable" to others that I don't bother to have them in. It's almost become an aversion or phobia.

4) I want to continue to work on my marriage and to put Ian and his needs before my own. I want to work harder at becoming a more godly wife.

5) I want to go on a date with my husband once a month.

This morning at church we had a time of sharing where people could share the wonderful things God has done in their lives this year. What an encouraging time! He is always present, He always cares, He is always at work for the good of those who love Him.

I am not sure what 2008 holds. Jordan's safe and healthy arrival is my constant prayer. Whatever comes, I can do all through Christ who strengthens me.

Baby News

It's funny how a year ago I was so excited about the possibility of having another child, and here I am already 6 months pregnant. I'll be 37 when this child arrives.... and likely in a retirement home when highschool graduation rolls around!

I'll start this story at the beginning. Always the best place to start.

I had been hoping since the spring to become pregnant but as each month passed I was trying not to be too blue. It had only been a couple of months after all, but with my age I figured it would take a little longer than my younger days. It was about a week after my period was due when I realized it hadn't arrived. I picked up a test on my way home from going to the movies with my friend and decided to take it first thing the next morning. I wasn't too enthused because I'd tested two months in a row and was disappointed. I ended up waking up at 4 am so decided to test right then. The test turned positive immediately and I just stood there staring at it in shock. I wished I'd bought TWO so I could have been sure!

I went back to bed and Ian rolled over and asked if I was ok. I said yes and he asked if I was sure. I said "I'm pregnant" and turned on the light to show him the test. He wasn't surprised at all. Me, I laid there until it was time to get up feeling all warm and happy.

I called my mom at 8:00. I knew I woke her up but I couldn't wait any longer. Ian's parents came for dinner that weekend and we told them then. A few days later we told the children.

Sam was not enthused at all. He knew I wanted another baby and he was very vocal about not wanting another sibling. If he found me holding a baby at church he would hurry over to tell me to give "it" back. Julie was thrilled from the start.

I had to find a doctor! My regular doctor retired in the spring. A friend of mine recommended her doctor and he agreed to take me on. HE. I've never had a male doctor before. Talk about freaky. He is very nice though and very assuring. He sent me for my first ultrasound at 9 weeks and everything looked good. The heart was beating nice and strong. I didn't have a lot of morning sickness, but I think that because I was off work I was able to rest as much as I needed to and that helped a lot.

I had my second ultrasound at about 21 weeks and we were too early for them to record gender. But Baby looked so beautifully formed and healthy. When I went for my next prenatal appointment at 24 weeks and I was told I needed to go back as some things couldn't been seen. I went in the very next day and got to see the baby again. The first two techicians couldn't see the outflow tracks so the second one suggested I walk around to see if we could get the baby to move positions. I walked and jumped and a half hour later went in again and the baby had moved from the regular transverse position (head to the right, bum to the left) and was almost head down. She got to see everything and let me know we are having a little girl.

Wow. Another little girl. I am SO excited. I would have been just as excited if it was another boy too, I have to admit. Her name will be Jordan Theresa Faith. She is a fairly active baby. Not too much though. She lets me know she's around and kicks a lot when she hears Ian speaking. Julie was the same way. We saw her mouth moving constantly in the ultrasound so we figure she'll be another chatterbox like her sister!

Julie was thrilled to find out she'd be getting another sister. Sam was pretty disappointed at first but has come around. He plans to use her to tease Julie by saying that Jordan is prettier than her sister. Honestly! Now they both kiss my belly constantly and Sam fusses over me, making sure to hold my hand while we're walking, to ask if I'm ok if I cough or sneeze and even helps me off the couch.

It's amazing when I think that a year ago I was aching for another child. And I wonder how different life will be a year from today.

I go through my moments of "what have I done??" that's for sure. To think that with two totally self sufficient children I am starting all over again. Diapers, bottles, sleepless nights, ect. But then I get this huge rush of excitement that I get to do this again. I have two amazing children already and to be able to do this again is such a blessing. God cared about the deepest desire of my heart and He blessed me. Again. Me. Who am I that He should bless me so much?

I'm Back!

Long time, no posts! Many, many changes here. Life is good.

Where do I start?

I left my old company a year ago to take a new job developing and running a new A/R & Collections department. Well, it wasn't long after I arrived that I realized that the job I interviewed for was not exactly as it was represented to me. I met with a lot of resistance when it came to my collection methods, I wasn't given the tools I needed to successfully do my job and my office was next to a young girl who mistakenly understood my role to be her personal assistant. She was verbally abusive and witheld resources and information from me purposefully. I tried several times with several levels of management to resolve the situation but was unsuccessful. I left the company in the middle of July to stay home with my children for the remainder of the summer. I didn't want to put them in their old daycare arrangement, nor did I want them with a stranger. I wanted to be with them myself. We took several trips to the beach with my mom and aunt. Precious time. I knew I would need to find a job for the beginning of September. I prayed about it and trusted God that He would allow me the 7 weeks and provide something at the right time. He certainly did! He gave me 7 weeks and 1 day!

While I was off with the children I discovered I was pregnant. Yay! Talk about thrilling! I knew that any job I took would only be temporary so I didn't want to mislead a new employer about my situation. As it turned out, the job I took had me reporting to a woman who reminded me very much of someone I used to work for a year ago and I had promised myself back then I would never be treated like that again. So, in a fit of panic, hormones, whatever you want to call it, I quit. Not my smartest decision, nor my finest hour. We were going to be in a lot of trouble. I am not usually impulsive like that.

I've taken a couple of temp jobs with freight companies and met some interesting people. I was relieved to leave the first temp job because the work was so basic and boring - data entry. The second job was pretty much the same, but the people kept it interesting and it was so much closer to home. I felt sad when I left there.

I've been off for a month now and I love it. I can putter around the house, run errands, visit my mother, take my children to school, nap... It's nice. Of course the not-so-nice part is not bringing in an income. Things are getting tight. I'll try to find another short term placement for January once the kids go back to school but I'm finding it hard. I can't imagine anyone wants the responsibility of a pregnant person in their facility. I guess there is a liability thing or something. The earliest I can go on maternity leave is January 30th but then it takes time off the end of my leave. We'll see how things unfold.

Our baby is due March 26th, '08, just one day before Julie's 7th birthday. Actually, the true due date is either the 26th OR 27th, so we went with the 26th. Baby is measuring right on target and things are going well.

2007 brought many, many challenges to our family. Lots of pain and sadness, but with that strength and courage was born. We emerged together and strong. How I wish I could go into it here to relieve my heart of all these feelings and thoughts, but I can't. I am looking forward to a fresh new year.

It's good to be back.

Yippee!

I had a great doctor's appointment today. My blood pressure was excellent and I got all my prescriptions filled.

But better than that... we talked about a future pregnancy. She said that if I lost 50 lbs then that would be enough to ensure a healthy pregnancy. She said my age wouldn't be a factor if I waited another year, in fact my age and the fact that I've already had two children will make for an easier pregnancy. There would still be a risk for a baby with down's syndrome and other defects because of my age but otherwise a successful pregnancy resulting in a healthy baby.

I feel like this huge weight has been taken off me. I still have time!

Maybe in another year I won't want to have another child, but at least the possibility is still there.

One Week To Go

Last week was very emotional as word spread about my resignation. I had no idea that so many people would miss me if I left. It's so weird - on one hand I am very sad to leave and worry I might be making a mistake, but on the other hand I am so excited to start something new and meet new people. I'm exhausted with emotion.

This week will be busy as I try to make as many notes about my accounts as possible AND make all my collection calls AND resolve any outstanding issues. I don't want anyone to have to wonder what is going on or think that I've left a major mess behind.

We had a lovely department lunch on Thursday at an italian restaraunt. One of the other collectors toasted me and my new job and I had a few tears. I think we all thought we'd all work together indefinitely. One of the women I sat with admitted she is actively seeking another job as well. There are a few of us who just can't work for our coworker who was recently promoted in the wake of our previous manager's dismissal. As a person he is really funny and nice and doesn't really speak ill of people. But he is not someone I could work for. It isn't a pride thing anymore although at first it was. I was hurt and angry and embarassed to have been passed over for the promotion. But once I got past the emotion I knew he wasn't someone I could work for. I wish him the best of luck - he is going to be leading a team where most of them don't want him. I tried to encourage the three women I sat with at the lunch to help him, to answer his questions, to try to give him a chance and be supportive of him. He might just work out and they will laugh one day about how uncomfortable things were at first. He's going to have a hard time, that's for sure.

This week we have something on the go almost every night! My aunt arrives on Tuesday for Christmas, Samuel has his Christmas concert on Wednesday and I am going out for dinner with my girlfriends on Thursday.

I'm really excited about Christmas Eve. After being with my church for almost 5 years this is my first Christmas Eve service there. Usually we go to mass with my family. The service will be geared for the children and Ian will be telling the Christmas story while the children sit all around him.

Overall I feel filled with peace and happiness. I know that God is taking care of me and that He has many blessings for me. That amazes me because everywhere I look I see His abundant blessings already.

Emotionally Spent

It's only Wednesday and I am exhausted.

Monday I submitted my resignation to the manager. To say he was surprised would be a major understatement. I told the team afterwards and they were just as shocked.

Tuesday I had my exit interview. The manager said he was sad to see me go and that it would be difficult to find someone of my calibre to replace me. That was nice to hear. We talked about how I felt about being passed over for the promotion given to my coworker and what that meant for me career-wise. He was very supportive and even asked if he could say something at our department lunch tomorrow and I requested that he didn't. I am not good at goodbyes.

Lots of people have been calling, emailing or coming by my desk to express their sadness at my departure and excitement at my opportunity. That's been really nice. I am much more emotional than I thought I would be. I hope my skin is thicker by the time my last day rolls around.

Bleeeeccchhhh!

That's what I imagine the sound of being spit out of a whale's belly sounds like.

I got a job!!

I'll start at the beginning....

On Saturday Nov 25th I submitted my resume for a Collections Specialist position. The next day we were sitting down to dinner with my mother to celebrate her birthday when the phone rang. I don't like to answer the phone during dinner so I let it go. It was a woman about the job I applied to the day before!! On a Sunday! I left her a message after dinner saying I would call her the next day.

Well - I forgot to bring her number with me to work the next day AND I had deleted the message by mistake! So I left a message for her when I got him and she called back during dinner and we talked and she asked to meet me the next day. So on the 28th I met with her and it was one of the oddest interviews I've ever been at. She didn't ask me about any of my successes or failures, strengths or weaknesses. Just about my job, how I did it, how many accounts I had, what my collection style was and she wrote everything down word for word. Then all of a sudden, 20 minutes into the interview she packed up all her things and said she liked that I'd been at my company for 10 years, liked my resume and liked me, so would I come back on Dec 2 (Friday) and meet with the Accounting Manager and the Operations Manager. Sure!

While I was waiting in reception for my second interview to start I was chatting with a couple of the men there and we were joking. It was pleasant. Well, once the interview started with the two managers, at the last second one of them men I was chatting with joined the interview as well and it turns out he was one of the owners!

The first half of the interview was really slow. Again, no questions about my strengths or weaknesses, just one question about my successes. The second half of the interview was like an interrogation once the owner started! LOL. There was a lot of smiling and nodding at my answers and I felt ok about the meeting once it was over.

On Dec 5th they offered me the position. I couldn't believe it. I hadn't wanted to get my hopes up. There were two areas I needed clarification on and they met me on those, so on Dec 8th I accepted their offer. They would like me to come in between Christmas and New Year's for orientation so I am ready to go on Jan 2.

I am still in shock but I'm excited. A fresh start! I can leave the bad experiences of this company behind me and start over!! Tomorrow I will submit my resignation and I truly can hardly wait! Part of me thinks that they will be pleased to see me go. It doesn't matter - it's the right step to take at the right time. God has really taken care of me and this situation.

God is so incredibly faithful and good to me. This situation has His hands all over it and I am so grateful for how He has brought it about. I am so blessed.

Thank you, Father.

Love

It's been awhile since I've posted here. But just because I haven't posted doesn't mean things aren't happening!

I've continued to work on my relationship with my Heavenly Father, giving all my hurts, bitterness, resentments, anger, and disappointments to Him. He has taken every single one of them and in return I am more at peace. Everytime I feel fearful or resentful, I visualize putting that feeling into a bag, then putting the bag on a conveyor belt that takes it to God. It's gone. I know that nothing I put on that conveyor is too big for God to handle. He's in charge and that is such a great comfort to me.

I've strugged over the events of this year and I think I am finally hearing what He is trying to tell me, the things He is trying to teach me. That the definition of who I am doesn't come from another person or a job - it comes from Him alone. I am a child of God! I am His chosen one! He knows everything I have ever done and will ever do and He loves me! All my imperfections and weaknesses and sins - He loves all of me! He is endlessly patient and forgiving of me. The love He has for me is overwhelming and I am so grateful for it.

So, I've tried to relax in life. Enjoy what comes today. It isn't always easy. Sometimes it's just plain hard to wait. But I know that He knows all the deepest desires of my heart and I know that He has a plan for my life. As much as I hope to have the things I want, I know that what He has planned for me is greater than anything I could dream up myself.

There has been some movement on my job search. I sent out a resume last Saturday and was called on Sunday evening and met with a woman on Tuesday afternoon. She was recruiting for the position but interviewed me at her client's site. She said she was impressed with how long I've been at my current company, liked my resume and liked me, and requested that I come back on Friday. I met with the owner, the accounting manager and the operations manager. I think it went well, the job sounds like a big, big challenge and I hope they liked what I could offer them. It's all in God's hands now. If that's where He wants me and can best use me, then He will bring it about for me there. If not, then I trust that there will be something better coming down the line. He knows me the best so He has my complete trust.

My sister is seeking these days. Oh how I want her to come to the Lord. She is so lost. God wants her to be free! I've tried to tell her of His love for her so many times but something just covers her ears and she can't hear me. Last night we were sitting in my church, waiting for the drama presentation to begin, talking together, and I told her that I was trusting in God about my current work situation and the job I am waiting to hear about. She just looked at me and said "You really put a lot of trust in Him, don't you?" and I just smiled and told her that He was my foundation, everything I stood for, He has done wonderful things in my life and blessed me abundantly. That He never leaves me. The drama really moved her and she cried. When it was over she looked down at the bibles on the backs of the chairs in front of us. "Is that the same bible that Catholics read?" Yes, I said and gave her one to take home with her. I don't know what line spoke to her, or what touched her, but she clutched that bible as she left. Will she read it? I don't know. It isn't up to me to save her. All I can to is point her in the right direction and live my life in a way that she can see His love. When she was leaving I hugged her and told her that Jesus was the same no matter what church she goes to, that He loves her and wants her to know Him.

Do you know Him? Do you want to know Him? He loves you, and it doesn't matter where you are in your life, or what you have done - He sees the true you and He loves you. He wants you to know Him and to trust Him. People will come and go in your life, but He will never leave you. He loves you so much, that He sent His only son to die for you. For YOU. So that through Him your sins could be forgiven and you could live life more abundantly. It doesn't matter where you are - reach out to Him, call out for Him and He will meet you where you are. I promise.