Saturday, September 24, 2011


Occasionally when I run out of things to look at online I will re-read some of my older blog posts. Often I will laugh at some of the things I've written because I get a kick out of myself sometimes. Laughing is so good for the soul.

But as I read through my posts from this year there's an underlying theme in my life.


I have spent a lot of my time afraid.

I profess to be a Christian yet I live in fear. I know better. I do.

I know what Bible verses to look up to combat the fear. I pray. I ask others to pray for me. I call out to God and wait for His reply.

I can't hear anything. I don't sense or feel anything.

I don't know what God is doing, or what He has planned for us, or when change will come.

Is there a reason for this, have we done something wrong, are we failing to learn a lesson?

It hurts and I feel forgotten.

Time is running out and I am scared.

I'm afraid He isn't going to show up. And I need for Him to show up.

I'm tired of seeing people who have so much get more. I'm tired of seeing the wicked prospering more.

I'm tired of my crappy attitude and I don't know how to just let it go...

I hate feeling like this. My stomach is in knots and I feel barfy. And I want to cry. But I have no one to cry with.

I long to have such strong faith that people can see Jesus through me. But they don't.

If you're the praying type, would you pray for me? Pray for strength of faith, for answered prayers and opened doors, and that I will shake this off and be a better support for my husband.

I'm sorry that more and more of my posts are downers. I'm hoping for good news soon.

Thank you...



  1. I have seen Jesus through you. I know we're not as close as we once were, but I still think about you often, and pray that good news will come soon.

    Keeping you in my prayers Katiekins, always.

    If you need anything, I am here for you.

  2. I felt like I was just going through what you are talking about, but let me tell you, my dear, you are NOT alone! That is a lie that the enemy is trying to make you believe so you lose faith in THE ONE!

    Sometimes God is silent, and it is then that we feel that we need Him most, but that is when our faith and our knowledge that we have acquired over the time that we have been children of God is tested. If God were to always feel as if He was always right with you, would you grow and become an individual? God is our father (which is something that I have trouble wrapping my head around) and as a parent, do you not let your children do things on their own and make mistakes in order for them to grow? God does the same thing. He wants you to be able to rely on The Word, and pray pray pray no matter what!

    He loves you unconditionally! And in this time, cry out to Him! He NEVER EVER tires of hearing your voice, no matter what you have to say to Him! Cry out, get angry at Him, ask questions - whatever you need to do, but KNOW THAT HE CARES FOR YOU AND HEARS EVERY SINGLE WORD YOU ARE SAYING!!

    I appreciate and love your honesty! And I also appreciate and love YOU too! :) <3